Heaven Can't Wait ۞ Baldwin IV

VIII- Gone

Cloistering herself in her chambers did not bring the silence she was hoping for. Talking with Sibylle was pleasant, but hardly a distraction.

I did not ask for any of this. How did we come to it?

With her back pressed against the door, the girl thought back to the recent past.

I was so sure I would end up marrying Jalil ad Din. It would have made perfect sense.
He pined for me like Ibn Zaydun and I yearned to write about it like Wallada.

In all abruptness, the image of Isabelle materialized inside her head. But naturally, not knowing what the girl looked like, she instead saw herself at that age. An older man at her side.

It could be worse.

Her parents had the chance to forsake her early on, marry her to someone while she was still an adolescent, and free their home from children once and for all. But they gave her the opportunity to grow up. The chance to know herself first.

This chance allowed her to see with her own eyes. All this time she had been forgetting that her free will was there and it could most certainly play its part. Could she at this stage not make her own decisions for her own reasons?

Enough.

A mighty voice echoed and quieted down all these repetitions and what-ifs.

Lluna felt her chest swell, her eyes fill with cleansing, unburdening tears.

All right, she echoed back. All right.

Those tears were hastily wiped away and forgotten. It was at that same moment when she noticed an envelope on the carpet next to the bed. Upon getting closer and crouching for it, her name could be seen covering the front of it. Unveiling it revealed the handwriting that weeks ago was first uncovered to belong to her promised husband.

Ma demoiselle Lluna,

Years ago I became used to the fact that I would always be a king unbound. The passing image of a devout regent, if nothing else. All I would be able to leave behind would be the measure of my faith and my fight. For some, that is more than sufficient of their monarch. For others, a direct line of succession makes circumstances easier.

I gave into my delusions, convinced that a union of my own could put to rest the division sown by the factions that keep testing my patience... but not my resolve. My resolve has kept their hushed conflict at bay thus far.

I do acknowledge that my decision has likely come too late for me to realize my own dynasty. If there was ever a chance to try, it is probably now long gone. But I want you to rest assured that it will not be too late for you. Your youth will prevail well after my passing, and so will your chances at starting over. If my last wish has to be that my selfishness be divinely forgiven, I hope that you too will be able to forgive me if I made the most terrible mistake.

If you have not yet run away
I bid you welcome to Jerusalem, my lady

May its skies be blessed by the light within your name

The man surely had a way with words, both written and spoken. But it was obvious that the written word allowed him freedom for all that he had to say. And that seemed to be so much. And now she was part of his vulnerable dreams.

Had this been written and left here before her arrival? If so, the King had entrusted her with one of the most valuable aspects that any marriage had to be founded upon, without having ever looked upon her. She could return this favor. This... leap of faith.