I Can Love You More Than This [Ziam Fanfic]

Chapter 7: Stay

Liam hasn’t budged an inch. He stayed, sprawled over me, driving both of our sweaty bodies more into the mattress. Being so close to him, so intimate, I can hear the inside of his body: his lungs, taking in large gasps of my hair, his arms, shaking, taking in their last embrace, his heart, that will forever hold my own, beating rapidly, uncontrollably as if it was waning down to its last beats when life itself would end. 

I can hear Liam sobbing uncontrollably, although his face is stifled between the comforter and the side of my cheek. His tears fall onto my skin, the touch, burning as if his tears were made of acid. I hold back my own crying, using every cell in my body to remain dead. I don’t react to his touching, although my insides are going completely haywire. 

I stay still. Unmoving. Waiting for Liam to take in his last dose of me, and leave. 

“No,” he says continuously since I told him to leave. “I’m not leaving,” he cried. “I’m never going to leave you because you’re in here!” He drives his hand to his heart. “And I know I’m in yours, just please---,” he croaked. “Fucking please, Zayn. I’m begging you. Don’t do this. Don’t fucking do this.”

Again, silence. The tears lying on the border of my eyes start falling one tear at a time. I go to wipe them up but Liam pins both of my hands in his strong grip and looks me dead in the eyes, watching as my tears mixed in with his. 

“Don’t wipe them away,” he choked. “You don’t want me to leave. Your eyes are betraying you, your body. Just please,” he rested his forehead against mine, “please come back to me.” 

And he was right. I didn’t want him to leave. But how could I ever trust him, again? He lied to me about Danielle. How could he still be with her? And consider me a brother, like the rest of the boys, when he knew that we shared something more deeper. Something only two people in love could ever feel. 

“Tell me you love me, Zayn,” he cried, another line of tears ready to fall. His teeth are clenched, his nose flaring. I hate seeing Liam so sad. So broken. I close my eyes to avoid the sight. But they fly open when Liam is kissing me, again. He’s biting my lower lip, swiping his tongue in my mouth, evoking a response. 

“Go,” I breathe into his mouth, turning my head, stopping the kiss. “Leave me here to die.”

Liam’s eyes grow darker, sadder. “No fucking way,” he says, using all his strength in keeping me confined. My hands in his. My body below his. I can’t move an inch anywhere. 

“You don’t fucking mean it,” his voice is traced with anger. “You don’t want to fucking die. You want to be with me! I know you do!”

“I don’t,” I keep my voice monotone. “You killed me. I’m already dead.”

This has Liam sobbing buckets. His tears fall on my face like drops of rain. I avoid his intent glare on me, holding back my own tears, and praying that he took this for what it was. 

The end. 

I wonder why none of the boys have come in. Or stopped Liam from entering the suite. Where was Niall? How could I sleep in Niall’s arm and wake up in Liam’s? Did they plan to do this to me? A way for me and Liam to hash it out, and eventually mend our relationship. 

There was no relationship. The ship had hit an iceberg and drowned in the depths of the sea. This was the Titanic. 

And it left a titanic hole in my heart. 

Then I hear it. The front door of the suite opens, and in the background, Louis and Harry are giggling as if they’ve been drinking all night, followed by Niall’s laugh. 

Did they really go clubbing to leave me trapped in this room with Liam?

Wait. Louis said they were going clubbing tomorrow? 

Did I really sleep the entire day away? In Liam’s arms? 

How did he even get in here? The boys wouldn’t have betrayed me, and given Liam the card key to the suite, or tell him that they were going to be gone the entire night? 

It’s Niall. He knocks on my door. 

“Oi, are you still asleep, sleepyhead? You slept the whole night away and I didn’t want to wake you.”

“Please don’t answer, Zayn,” he whispers in my ear, sobbing. “I don’t want to leave. Just this one thing. And I’ll promise I’ll leave you alone forever.”

I glare into his melting, brown eyes. 

“That’s what you said about the sex,” I say, unattached to my body. “What more do you want?”

Liam stares me in the eyes, as if I already know the answer. 

I say nothing. 

A moment later Liam says, “you.” 

Niall has stopped knocking, and it seems like the boys are having more drinks in the kitchen. 

“Wake up my Zaynie, and tell him to have a drink with me!” echoed Louis. “We have to toast to tonight.”

“No, mate,” I hear Niall say over the noise. “Just let him rest until tomorrow morning. I’m sure he’s just recovering from what’s been going on.”

Recovering? That was the last thing I was doing.

If anything, I was doing the opposite of recovering. I was rapidly dying until my heart gave out. First, I said yes to Liam. For him to make love to me. Our last goodbye. And now, he wants to stay with me for the night as our last last goodbye? 

When was he going to get it through his head that enough was enough?

I already gave him my heart! He smashed it into dust! 

And as for my soul? He shredded it into pieces and left me empty!

I have nothing! I am what I always knew I would be!

Liam’s hands are loosening their grip from my wrists, and I push him off, standing up to take a shower. At first, Liam tries to restrain me again, to stop me from leaving, but when he sees me head for the bathroom, he hurls next to the headboard, his legs pressed against his chest, holding onto hope that I would return back to him. 

I eventually do. But not in the way he expects. 

I take the far left end of the bed and try to fall asleep. In a flash, Liam has me in his arms. I don’t put up a fight because my entire being is beyond drained. 

Liam’s cheek is wet when he places it against mine, wrapping his arms, so I’m pressed closer against his chest. 

And although I would regret saying this to anyone, I was glad he stayed.