His Sword || Edmund Pevensie x reader

Chapter 8: All my fault?

A/N: Thank you guys SO much for 30 reads! It means a lot that you guys went out of your day to read this. Thank you!! Enjoy this chapter, <33

I couldn't sleep that night. I laid in my bed staring at the ceiling.

'I lost him.'

'I lost the guy I loved the most... The guy who loved me the most..'

'And its'

'ALL'

'My fault.'

'I'm so stupid..'

Negative thoughts flooded my head as I refused to get out of bed to start the day. I just wanted to rot in bed.

But I knew I couldn't do that. I knew I needed to get up. And get breakfast. Get ready for the day. I can't just.. Go into depression.. Not like this..

I got up slowly from the bed, rubbing my tired as I got up and went behind the dress screen to get dressed.

I went down for breakfast. My head down, I felt ashamed. I ruined everything we had.

It's all my fault.

I'm such an idiot.

Me and him were both quiet during breakfast. I kept my head down as Peter, Susan, and Lucy chatted about random stuff.

I continuously found myself stealing glances at him. Admiring him. The way he drank, the way he ate. The way he had a silent conversation with Peter-

WAIT.

'Don't tell me the others know.'

'Don't tell me everything's ruined.'

'Don't tell me they all secretly hate me.'

We're back to stage 1, aren't we? Back to awkward silence instead of the sweet kind.

Negative thoughts flooded my head, but I guess Lucy noticed it.

"Y/n..?" She called as my head shot up, "Are you alright..?"

Silence filled the room. The silence was loud.

I wanted to say I was fine but I couldn't. I felt.. HIS eyes on me.

"I'm sorry-" I apologized with a raspy voice from holding back tears before running out. Feeling everyone's eyes on me. Especially his..

Can there be a day where I don't embarrass myself in front of people?

I laid in bed. I didn't wanna leave. I felt..

Disgusted..

With myself.

As silence and my sounds of crying filled the room, I heard a gentle, yet firm knock on the closed door.

Part of me wanted to ignore it, to not respond, or to tell the person to just go away..

I just..Couldn't bring myself to do it. After all their hospitality, I can't ignore them. Especially not in their own home.

I wiped my tears as I made my way to the door, I needed to seem like I was fine.

I grabbed the cold door handle and opened it, and there stood in front of me..

Edmund..? He didn't hate me?

"Hey.." He began, and I listened attentively, "Peter said you'd like to..talk?"

I felt confused. I didn't tell him that.. Yes I wanted to, but I never told Peter about it..?

"I didn't say that?" I blurted out from confusion, which made Edmund look down with a look of disappointment.