The Distance

OCTOBER - COLE, 1

Every time October rolled around in Missouri, I was prepared for the weather to switch at any moment. The terrible humidity of the summer would turn suddenly to winter's dry chill. My dad said it was why the roads were always in such bad shape; the asphalt would crack from the temperature rapidly plummeting. The blood vessels in my nose would follow suit.

I got the worst nose bleeds in October; once, during the middle of a lesson in English class. The teacher heard me whimper and saw me bring my hands to my nose. She asked me what was wrong and I answered by showing her the blood on the palms of my hands. After that, a few kids called me "Stigmata Boy." As teasing went, it wasn't so bad. It was still something I could laugh about.

The teasing that would follow the Homecoming Dance, however, was another story. I was under the impression that Aurora was the only one who had seen Jason and I kiss behind the bleachers. But I couldn't be sure that was the case. What I know people did see was me chasing after her all the way through the gym. I called out her name and she ignored me. It was big, dramatic, and drew the attention of those who loved to gossip.

I followed her out through the entrance and into the parking lot. Aurora, it seemed, had no intention of slowing down.

"Wait!" I called out to her.

"Wait?" she yelled back. She turned and stood in the middle of the road without any concern if she blocked traffic. Her face was twisted in pain like I had physically injured her. She removed the corsage from her wrist. Yellow orchids. I had picked them out at the grocery store florist. She threw it at me. "I am done waiting for you, Cole!"

Other kids who were still arriving at the dance walked around us, but slowed their speed and stared as they did.

"Waiting for what?" I asked.

"For you to see what's been right in front of your face!" she fired back. "I thought when you broke up with Anna, maybe you would see me. Maybe you'd finally follow through. Maybe I would be done waiting-"

"For me to be your boyfriend?" I filled in the rest. "I never promised you anything but friendship."

"That's bullshit, Cole," she said. "You made me feel like you wanted something more. I held onto that for years."

I didn't know what she meant. I never intentionally did anything to lead her on. Before I could think of a response, I watched her crouch and give in to her sorrow. She was shaking with tears.

"You'd rather be with anyone else than with me. Jason? What does this mean? Were you lying all this time? Are you gay?"

She was too loud. I looked around, wondering who else had heard. I bridged the gap between us and reached out.

"No! Don't touch me! Stay away from me, Cole!"

She pulled away from me and ran off into the night. My heart was heavy and I felt a lump in my throat. I had to call my mom to take me back home. Aurora had been my ride.

I didn't try to find Jason after the bleachers either. I couldn't face him. I walked instead to the edge of the parking lot and out towards the main road. This was partially for my mom's convenience so she didn't have to wait in dance-related traffic. But the other part was I was too terrified of what the rest of the dance would look like if I walked back into the gym. It was better to wait until Monday.

"You don't look like you had fun," Mom said to me on the drive home.

"No," I said.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No," I said again. But I appreciated her asking me.

The cold arrived on Monday morning and coated the streets with sparkling frost. My breath leapt before me as I arrived at school for morning practice. Running was always harder at lower temperatures. At times, it felt like the air was trying to slice my lungs to ribbons.