The Distance

AUGUST - JASON, 2

My mother was born in a small town outside of Phoenix, Arizona. She told me stories about when she was little Elizabeth Gonzales frolicking through desert brush, ducking under barbed wire fences, and running barefoot on sunbaked roads. She told me she missed fresh avocados and tomatillos. They didn't taste as good in the Midwest. She said she used to sneak into rich people's backyards and swim in their pools during thunderstorms.

It was hard to imagine my mom as young and wild. As an adult, she became heavily involved in the church. She cooked for the bake sales. She sang in the choir. She never dated anyone after my dad left. She sat in her chair and looked out the window a lot. She didn't have many friends. I think she was lonely.

She was sitting in her chair when I came home after the park. She looked gray and defeated. Her eyes didn't brighten when she saw me. It was like the time I had broken the vase her mother gave her. Only this time I hadn't broken anything. Nothing physical, at least.

"I don't think I've ever seen that shirt before," she said to me. "Where did it come from?"

I looked down at the lightning bolt t-shirt Cole had lent me. It smelled like his house and whatever detergent his mother used.

"It's Cole's," I said. "We got soaked in the rain. He let me borrow it."

"You shouldn't take things that don't belong to you," she replied.

I inched into the living room. It was an odd thing to hear her say. I thought I explained it well enough already.

"I'm just borrowing it with Cole's permission. He was being nice."

She shifted in her chair. The faux leather squeaked.

"Sometimes people aren't being nice," she said. "Sometimes they're trying to trick you. You're too sweet, Jason. I- I raised you to be too sweet. People will try to take advantage of that and they'll trick you into doing things you don't want to do."

I couldn't tell what she was getting at. I shrugged.

"I'll give him the shirt back at practice," I said. "And the shorts. These are his too."

She winced. That detail was too much for her. I didn't know what she knew, that she had spoken with Cole's mother about how she heard us in the shower together. I didn't know my mother had already cried and shook her fists with anger.

"You won't be seeing him again," she said. it was a stern voice, one I hadn't heard her use since I was twelve years old.

"What do you mean?" I asked. There was no way she could have known, I convinced myself. I didn't keep a diary or anything. What happened with Cole had only just happened. "He's on my team. We go to the same school. Of course I'll see him."

"I've been thinking for some time that you should change schools," she said. "Those public school kids are a bad influence on you. The private school, St. Luke's, has a before school bible study."

"St. Luke's is full of crackheads!" I blurted. That was the rumor going around, that the kids that went there were into hard drugs.

"I don't believe that for a second!" said my mom. She stood. I didn't understand why she was so angry. It was making me upset.

"What did I do? Why are you punishing me?!" I yelled. "Changing schools my senior year of high school? That's so stupid!"

"I'm not punishing you, Jason. I'm saving you! You've strayed too far. I raised my son to be a man of God. I need you to be a man of God."

"You want me to be a priest?"

"I want you to walk with him. I don't want you to be led astray by the wolves. You're a good boy, Jason."