The Distance

SEPTEMBER - COLE, 2

I knew I wanted to call Jason once I got home, but sometimes every fiber of my being fought against doing what I wanted to do. My sister called me "confrontation-avoidant." Maybe that was true. In my defense, if I did avoid confrontation, was that supposed to be a negative trait? As I saw it, confrontation rarely resulted in a positive outcome. I supposed it was another way that Jason and I were similar. He must've known he was changing schools, but he was too scared to tell me.

My mom was in the kitchen when I walked in. She was doing a crossword and sipping on her afternoon coffee.

"Whew, rough first day of practice?" she asked me.

I must've been wearing my emotions on my face. I shook my head anyway.

"No, it was fine," I said. "None of the other kids practiced over the summer."

"Except for you and Jason?" she probed.

"Jason wasn't there," I said.

I passed through the living room, to the hall and finally reached my sister's room. It had returned to being the guest room in her absence. Olivia packed up and went back to college five days earlier. I liked to visit her room when she was away more than when she was home. I guess I missed her.

My mom seemed to follow half way and hovered close by in the living room. Another caveat to Olivia leaving home was that I became the only kid for my parents to pay attention to. I found my much-needed space and privacy impeded upon. Mercifully, she didn't linger in the doorway as I dialed Jason.

His mother answered. She normally had a very musical tone to her voice. On this afternoon, however, she was flat and staccato. She wasn't friendly even after I said who I was.

"You want to talk to Jason?" she asked.

"Yes," I said. I assumed that was obvious. "That is the reason I'm calling."

There was a pause. I could feel tension over the phone.

"He's not here," she replied. "Don't call back here. He isn't your friend. Not anymore. You understand?"

"No, I don't understand."

"Stay away from him."

She said nothing more and hung up the phone. I stood in shock with the phone still against my ear. The dial tone droned its eerie hum. After a moment, I set it down and walked uneasily into the living room. I couldn't make sense of what had happened. I was just a kid. Why was Jason's mom so rude to me?

"Are you okay?" I heard my mother ask.

I found her eyes. She was concerned. It was nice to have her sympathy, but I remained mostly confused.

"I just tried to call Jason and his mother hung up on me," I said like I was recounting a bizarre dream.

"Oh," she said. She stood and reached for me. She put her hands on my shoulders and guided me to the couch. "I think I know why."

Her eyes were glassy. She set her hand on her mouth and shook her head.

"I made a stupid mistake," she said. "I'm so sorry, Cole. I really screwed up."

I couldn't begin to understand what she meant by that. I waited for her to explain. She struggled to find the words.

"The other day, when you and Jason came back here during the thunderstorm, I went downstairs. And I heard you. I could tell you two were showering together."

"We weren't-" I said instinctively.

My mom held up her hand.

"You weren't doing anything wrong," she said. "You're a teenager. You're meant to experiment. You're meant to fall in love. You're meant to become whoever you want to be. I didn't mean to intrude, but what I heard- it didn't sound like goofing off. It sounded like... well, something a mother shouldn't hear her children do."