It was me in there( 9-1-1 )

Buck and Eddie

Buck walked out of Bobby's office, his heart still racing from the conversation that had just unfolded. Bobby had been kind, asking questions, listening, but Buck couldn't shake the feeling of being cornered. He wasn't ready to admit the full extent of his struggles—certainly not to the man he saw as a father figure. Bobby's well-meaning advice about getting help felt suffocating, and Buck didn't know how to respond.

The moment the door closed behind him, Buck's gaze scanned the room, but he didn't really see anything. His mind was still wrapped up in the conversation, replaying Bobby's gentle nudging about his panic attacks and asking if something had happened. Buck had dodged the question, as he always did.

"Buck."

Eddie's voice snapped him out of his thoughts, and Buck's gaze immediately locked on him. Eddie stood by the firehouse kitchen counter, a concerned look on his face. The tension in Buck's chest tightened.

"Hey," Buck said, his voice a little too casual, though the words felt heavy on his tongue. He tried to offer Eddie a smile, but it didn't reach his eyes.

"You okay?" Eddie asked, raising an eyebrow as he walked closer to Buck.

Buck ran a hand through his hair, trying to shake off the weight in his chest. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just had a talk with Bobby. Nothing big."

Eddie didn't buy it for a second. He had been watching Buck for days now—he'd seen the way Buck's face paled after every call, the way he was losing his usual energy, the way he kept pulling away from the team. Eddie wasn't an expert, but he knew his boyfriend. And right now, Buck wasn't fine.

"I don't think 'nothing big' is the right way to describe it," Eddie said softly, taking a step closer. "You've been on edge for days, Buck. We all noticed. You know you can talk to me, right?"

Buck felt a lump form in his throat. He knew Eddie was just trying to help, but the idea of letting him in, of showing Eddie the chaos that had been eating away at him, felt impossible. He couldn't talk about it—not yet. Not with Eddie, not with anyone. His body was already on high alert just standing here.

"I'm fine, Eddie," Buck repeated, his voice tinged with frustration. "I'm just... trying to deal with things."

Eddie didn't respond immediately, just watched Buck for a moment, his gaze soft but piercing. "You don't have to deal with everything on your own, you know? I'm right here. You don't have to be alone in this."

Buck turned his head slightly, unable to meet Eddie's eyes. His heart pounded faster. He could feel the weight of Eddie's concern in the pit of his stomach. He didn't want to burden Eddie with the mess that was his life—Eddie had enough on his plate already, didn't he?

"Really, Eddie," Buck muttered, trying to hide the desperation creeping into his voice. "I'm okay. I just need some space to breathe."

Eddie's expression softened, but there was a quiet determination in his eyes. He stepped forward, placing a hand on Buck's arm. "You don't have to carry it all by yourself. I'm not going anywhere. I'm here for you—whenever you're ready to talk."

Buck swallowed, his chest tightening as the panic began to build again. He wanted to say something, to let Eddie in, but the words were stuck in his throat. The weight of everything was too much, and Buck could feel himself slowly slipping back into that feeling of suffocating fear.

"Buck," Eddie said, his voice calm but insistent. "If you need to step away, I get it. But don't keep shutting us out. We're a team, remember?"

Buck nodded, his eyes brimming with unshed tears, but he couldn't bring himself to say anything more. He felt himself retreating further into his shell, trying to protect the parts of himself that still felt too broken to show.

"I'll be fine," Buck repeated, voice trembling slightly.

Eddie didn't argue. Instead, he pulled Buck into a brief hug, his hands firm on his back. "I'm here when you're ready," Eddie whispered.

Buck barely responded, the feeling of Eddie's arms around him offering a fleeting sense of comfort. It wasn't enough to calm the storm inside his head, but for now, it would have to do.

As Eddie stepped back, Buck turned to walk away, but the weight of the conversation—and the silence that followed it—lingered heavily in the air. His mind was a whirlwind of thoughts and feelings, but the idea of opening up seemed impossible. For now, he'd just keep moving, keep pretending everything was fine, even though deep down, he knew it wasn't.