It was me in there( 9-1-1 )

Where's Buck?

Eddie walked into the firehouse, trying to steel himself for what he knew was coming. He could hear the familiar sounds of the station — the clang of metal, the hum of the TV, and the voices of his teammates as they went about their business. But today, none of it felt right. The weight of the past few days had settled heavily on his chest, a suffocating pressure that seemed to follow him everywhere.

He had just left Buck at home, and that image of his partner standing on the bridge — broken and distant — was burned into his mind. No matter how many times he tried to push it away, it wouldn't leave. The image of Buck on the edge, so lost, so far away from the person he was... Eddie's heart clenched painfully in his chest.

As he entered the main room, his team turned toward him, their gazes questioning, but with an undercurrent of concern. They had been through a lot together, and even now, the bond they shared made it clear that something was wrong. They could see it in his eyes, feel it in the tension radiating off of him.

"Eddie, where's Buck?" Bobby's voice cut through the silence, direct but kind. His gaze lingered on Eddie, searching for answers.

Eddie's throat tightened, and for a moment, he couldn't bring himself to speak. His knees felt weak beneath him, the exhaustion and emotional toll of the past few days catching up with him all at once. He held himself upright by sheer willpower, but the weight of it was almost too much to bear.

"He's... not here today," Eddie finally managed to say, his voice quieter than he intended. "He's home. Taking the day off."

Bobby stepped closer, raising an eyebrow, concern deepening in his expression. "Is everything okay? He's been through a lot lately. Is he—"

Before Bobby could finish, Chim chimed in, his usual lighthearted tone replaced by genuine concern. "I haven't seen him around this morning. Eddie, what's going on? You two have been pretty inseparable lately."

Hen, who had been watching quietly, spoke up next. Her voice was steady, but her eyes were filled with worry. "Eddie, you're not the same. What's going on? Is Buck okay?"

Eddie felt a wave of panic rise in his chest, and he stumbled slightly on his feet. His heart raced, the familiar tightness in his chest threatening to choke him. He could barely breathe.

"Eddie?" Athena's voice was soft now, coaxing him to let down the walls he had built up so high around himself. "Talk to us. What happened? Is Buck okay?"

Eddie's hand curled into a fist at his side, his nails digging into his palm. He opened his mouth to speak, but the words felt too heavy, too jagged to form. He had to say it. He had to. He couldn't keep it inside anymore, not when the weight of it was eating him alive.

"He's not okay," Eddie whispered, his voice cracking. His heart felt like it was being torn in two. "He's... been having panic attacks. Really bad ones. And nightmares. Terrible ones."

The room fell silent. The sound of the TV, the chatter in the background, everything stopped as the team focused on Eddie, their eyes wide with shock.

Bobby's expression softened, his concern deepening. "Panic attacks? Nightmares?"

Eddie nodded, his breath shaky. His body felt like it was on the verge of breaking down, like he couldn't hold it together for one more second. He tried to swallow the lump in his throat, but it felt like a rock. His mouth was dry, his head spinning.

"Nightmares about his mom," Eddie continued, his voice barely above a whisper. "About his dad. It's like... he's reliving everything. I don't think he knows how to process it. And now... now I'm worried it's going to get worse."

Athena took a cautious step forward, her eyes filled with compassion. "Eddie, you don't have to carry this alone," she said softly. "We're here for both of you. Whatever you need."

Chim looked up, his playful demeanor replaced by something deeper, more serious. "What do you mean, Eddie? What's going on with Buck? Why isn't he here?"

Eddie's knees buckled slightly beneath him, the weight of his own emotions dragging him down. He tried to steady himself, but his body felt like it was betraying him. The pressure in his chest was unbearable. The tears were so close to the surface, but he refused to let them fall. He couldn't break down in front of them, not like this.

"Because..." Eddie's breath hitched. He closed his eyes for a moment, collecting himself, but it wasn't enough. It never would be. "Because the other night... Buck was on the bridge. He was standing there. Ready to jump."

Athena froze, her eyes wide with horror. "He was what?"

Eddie's voice trembled, his throat tight with the memory. "He was just... standing there. Like he was somewhere else. Like he had made up his mind. I found him there, and I didn't know what to do. I just... I just stood there."

The air in the firehouse felt thick and suffocating. Eddie's hands shook uncontrollably as he pressed them into his thighs, trying to ground himself. He could feel the team watching him, but it didn't matter. He had to say it. They had to know. They had to understand.

"I almost lost him," Eddie whispered, his voice barely audible. "I almost lost him, and I don't know what I would have done if I had."

Bobby stepped forward, his voice steady but filled with grief. "You didn't lose him, Eddie. You're not going to lose him. He's going to get through this, just like you did after Afghanistan. You've both been through hell. But you're not alone in this. You've got each other."

Hen placed a hand gently on Eddie's shoulder, her voice soft but firm. "Eddie, you're doing everything you can. You're there for him. You're not failing him."

Eddie took a shaky breath, trying to steady himself. But the words kept tumbling out, and he couldn't stop them. He had to tell them. He had to share the pain.

"I don't know what to do, Bobby," Eddie admitted, his voice breaking. "I just don't know. Every time I think things are getting better, something else happens. And I can't... I can't protect him from this."

Athena's expression softened, and she took another step closer. "Eddie, Buck has you. He has you, and that's all he needs right now. You don't have to fix everything. You don't have to make it better. You just need to be there for him."

Chim, normally the joker of the group, was serious now. "We're all here for him, Eddie. He's not alone in this. And neither are you."

Eddie's chest felt tight, his breath shallow. He could barely catch it, let alone hold it together. It was as though his entire world was crumbling, and he couldn't stop it. The panic he had been feeling for days, the crushing weight of Buck's pain, and the fear that he might lose him — it all came flooding to the surface in a rush that left him gasping.

"I'm just scared," Eddie whispered, his voice trembling. "I'm scared I'm going to lose him. I'm scared that one day I'll come home and he won't be there. And I won't even know why. I can't—"

The words broke off as a sob wracked his body. His legs gave out beneath him, and he collapsed onto the floor, his knees hitting the cold ground with a thud. He didn't care. He couldn't care. His body was shaking uncontrollably, the tears falling in torrents.

"Eddie," Bobby said softly, kneeling beside him. "You're not going to lose him. You're not going to lose Buck. You're doing everything you can. He's lucky to have you."

Hen crouched down beside Eddie, placing a gentle hand on his back. "You've been through so much, Eddie. You're allowed to feel this way. You don't have to carry it all alone."

Chim sat down next to him, his face serious, but his voice warm. "We're all in this together, Eddie. You and Buck. We're here for both of you."

Eddie's breath came in ragged sobs, the weight of everything finally crashing down on him. He had been trying so hard to hold it together, to be strong for Buck. But in that moment, he realized that it wasn't just about strength. It was about allowing himself to fall apart, to break down, and to accept that he couldn't fix everything on his own.