It was me in there( 9-1-1 )

The Car Ride Home

The drive was silent except for the rhythmic hum of the tires against the asphalt. Buck stared blankly out the window, his chest still aching with every labored breath. His hands trembled in his lap, raw and red from how tightly they'd gripped the bridge railing just moments before. His eyes, glassy and bloodshot, betrayed the storm brewing within.

Eddie, sitting rigid in the driver's seat, kept glancing at Buck out of the corner of his eye. His jaw was tight, his knuckles white as he gripped the steering wheel. He wanted to say something, anything, but the words caught in his throat. Eddie didn't want to push Buck further into the spiral he'd been teetering on, but the silence was suffocating.

"Buck," Eddie finally said, his voice soft but firm.

Buck didn't respond. His gaze was fixed on the streetlights whizzing past, their glow reflecting faintly in his tears. Eddie's heart ached as he saw his partner—the man he loved—so utterly broken.

"You don't have to talk," Eddie continued, his voice quieter this time. "But just... stay with me, okay? I need to know you're here."

Buck's lips parted as if he wanted to respond, but all that escaped was a shaky exhale. His hands fumbled with the hem of his hoodie, twisting the fabric in an attempt to ground himself. Eddie noticed and reached out briefly, placing a hand over Buck's knee.

"I'm here," Eddie murmured.

The touch seemed to break something loose in Buck. His breathing hitched, the beginnings of a sob clawing its way up his throat. He pressed his trembling fingers against his mouth, trying to hold it in, but the dam cracked.

"I'm sorry," Buck choked out, his voice barely audible.

Eddie's hand tightened ever so slightly on Buck's knee. "Don't apologize. You don't need to apologize for anything, Buck."

Buck shook his head vehemently, fresh tears spilling over. "I—Eddie, I don't... I don't know what's wrong with me. I just—" His voice cracked, and he clenched his fists against his thighs, his whole body trembling. "I didn't mean to—at the bridge—I didn't want to..."

Eddie slowed the truck to a stop at a red light and turned to look at Buck. The anguish etched across Buck's face made Eddie's chest tighten painfully.

"You're not alone," Eddie said firmly, willing Buck to meet his gaze. "Do you hear me? Whatever's happening, you're not doing this by yourself. I'm not going anywhere."

The light turned green, and Eddie reluctantly returned his attention to the road. Buck curled into himself, his head dropping as silent sobs wracked his frame. Eddie's hand hovered near him, wanting so desperately to reach out and pull him into his arms, but he settled for keeping his voice steady and calm.

"We're almost home," Eddie reassured him, though his own voice trembled just slightly.

Buck nodded faintly, but the tears didn't stop. The drive stretched on, each second feeling like an eternity. Eddie struggled to focus on the road, his mind racing with a thousand thoughts. He needed to get Buck home, to a place where he felt safe—if such a place even existed for Buck right now.

As they turned onto Eddie's street, Buck spoke again, his voice so quiet it was almost swallowed by the hum of the engine.

"I don't deserve this," Buck whispered.

Eddie's chest tightened. He pulled the truck into the driveway and turned off the engine before turning to Buck fully.

"Don't you ever say that," Eddie said, his voice trembling but resolute. "Not to me. Not ever."

Buck didn't look at him, his shoulders shaking as fresh sobs overtook him. Eddie unbuckled his seatbelt and leaned over, placing a steady hand on Buck's arm.

"Let's go inside," Eddie said gently.

Buck hesitated, his hands frozen on his lap. For a moment, Eddie thought he might refuse, but then Buck nodded slowly, his movements hesitant and jerky. Eddie climbed out of the truck and circled around to open Buck's door, offering him a steady hand to help him out.

Buck's legs wobbled as he stood, and Eddie instinctively placed a supportive arm around his back. Buck didn't resist, leaning heavily into Eddie as they walked toward the door.

"I've got you," Eddie murmured.