4 Times married to my enemy

Chapter 19 : Why did he still want to kill her?

Chapter Nineteen

Qin Shuai found himself at a loss with Qin Peng.

He was feeling weak himself, and with Qin Peng pressing against him like this, he had no strength to push her away. Moreover, he didn't know why, but her closeness made him hazily think of Zhao Peng.

He wanted her to move away, but that long-lost sense of familiarity stopped him.

He closed his eyes, feeling somewhat desperate for some reason.

"Qin Peng," he rasped, "have you ever had a feeling?"

"What feeling?"

"When a person is underwater, they will struggle desperately, grabbing onto anything, even a piece of floating grass, and hold on for dear life. Even though they know that piece of floating grass won't save them, they still want to grasp it."

Just like him at this moment, knowing full well that this person was not that person, yet still unable to control himself, wanting to pretend that the other person was still alive, still existed, to comfort his already desolate heart.

But he also knew that that person was irreplaceable, which was why he felt so hopeless.

Qin Peng didn't say anything. Leaning against Qin Shuai, she drowsily said, "You're speaking too profoundly; I don't understand."

"Don't understand..." Qin Shuai listened to her words and felt that they were truly something that person could say. He slowly said with his eyes closed, "Then don't understand."

After saying that, Qin Shuai stopped talking. Qin Peng squeezed against him, feeling a bit cold, so she simply pulled Qin Shuai's hand up and placed it on her shoulder, letting his sleeve drape over her like a blanket. She found a comfortable position and fell asleep.

She fell asleep, but Qin Shuai couldn't. He lay awake in the dark, slowly recalling.

That year, Qin Peng had tricked him out of the study with news of his mother. After playing together for a day, they fell into a deep pit where a hunter had trapped prey. At that time, Qin Peng had also leaned against him, and he draped his sleeve over her to keep her warm.

He didn't know what was happening to him; he just felt that in this dark night, his willpower suddenly became exceptionally weak. He lay awake, staring into the darkness, and for the first time in the sixth year since Zhao Peng's death, he felt that it wasn't so painful.

There was a glimmer of hope and a flicker of illusion, which for Qin Shuai, who had been drowning for six years, was already immense happiness. So he lay awake, not daring to sleep, pretending that Zhao Peng was still alive, still present, immersing himself in the scene from when he and Zhao Peng had hidden in the hunter's pit at the age of fourteen.

When Qin Peng woke up the next day, Qin Shuai was somewhat dazed.

Sunlight streamed in, giving Qin Shuai's face an unusual flush. At first, Qin Peng thought it was from the sun, but quickly realized that Qin Shuai was ill.

She raised her hand and touched Qin Shuai's face, discovering that he was burning hot. Qin Peng couldn't help but feel pleased, patting Qin Shuai's face and saying, "Karma is a wonderful thing; you poisoned me? Now you're suffering, right?"

Qin Shuai didn't respond; he tightly grasped Qin Peng's hand.

He looked at her, his eyes filled with anxiety. Qin Peng was taken aback when she heard him say, "Peng Peng."

That weak call of "Peng Peng" was urgent yet gentle, and for some reason, it softened her heart.

She glanced outside, pondering that Qin Shuai was truly delirious. She couldn't even get the antidote and could only sigh, resigned to carry Qin Shuai outside, cursing as she walked, "I must have run into bad luck for eight lifetimes; forget it, forget it."

Qin Shuai lay on her back, groggily calling her name.

"Peng Peng, don't go, Peng Peng."

Qin Peng was annoyed by his calls and couldn't help but curse, "Stop calling!"

If he truly loved her this deeply, why did he still want to kill her?

Since he killed her, why couldn't he let go, pretending to be deeply affectionate here?

She hadn't been stingy with him; others said she was heartless, and she felt that way too. But in her youth, she had thought that if there was someone she wanted to open a window for in this world, it should be Qin Shuai.

The reason she married him and chose to protect him in that treacherous palace scheme back then was that she wanted to give herself a chance, to give him a chance.

Perhaps she hadn't loved him as people typically defined love, but in her life, she had already given the most affection she believed she could to this person. Since he had let her down, he shouldn't pretend anymore.

Qin Peng was disgusted by Qin Shuai's insincerity and thought this person was truly something else.

How had she not noticed back then how Qin Shuai couldn't let go of someone?

But her shout didn't reach Qin Shuai's ears. He seemed to be trapped in a dream, frowning and trembling slightly, mumbling incoherently.

Qin Peng gradually got used to her annoyance, expressionless as she carried Qin Shuai out of the forest, walking along the riverbank. After a short while, she heard the sound of hooves. She quickly took Qin Shuai into the bushes and saw soldiers searching along the river. Qin Peng waited quietly for a while, and when she saw Jiang Chun, she finally breathed a sigh of relief, stood up from the grass, and called out, "Lord Jiang, over here!"

Upon hearing Qin Peng's voice, Jiang Chun rushed over and immediately changed his expression upon seeing Qin Shuai unconscious against a tree.

He hurried to check Qin Shuai's injuries and said to the others, "Quickly go fetch the doctor and General Wei! Tell them we found the person!"

As he spoke, Jiang Chun examined Qin Shuai's wounds, anxiously asking, "How did this happen?"

"We encountered assassins on the road, but I don't know who sent them," Qin Peng sighed, looking regretful as she said, "The regent fought valiantly against the assassins but accidentally fell off a cliff. I jumped after him to save him, but fortunately, a tree saved my life. However, the regent broke his leg. I had no choice but to laboriously carry the regent out, but I didn't expect him to suffer a high fever due to his injuries..."

Jiang Chun didn't speak, listening to Qin Peng's nonsense.

He now knew that the princess's words couldn't be trusted. From the mud on Qin Shuai, it was evident that the princess's arduous journey to carry Qin Shuai out likely included actions like "kick" and "push."

Qin Peng admitted to this; when she became too tired, she would let Qin Shuai roll forward while she carried him. But she still had some conscience and was afraid of accidentally killing him, so she would let him roll for a while and then carry him again.

While Jiang Chun was examining him, Wei Yan and the doctor arrived.

Wei Yan rushed over anxiously, and upon seeing Qin Peng, he breathed a sigh of relief, saying, "Sister-in-law, are you alright?"

"I'm fine," Qin Peng waved her hand, turning to look at the doctor trying to save Qin Shuai, bending down to say, "My lord, you rest well; I'm leaving now, okay?"

After saying that, Qin Peng intended to stand up and leave. But at that moment, Qin Shuai tightly grasped her hand.

"Don't go..." he rasped, holding on to her tightly, "Don't go..."

Qin Peng was taken aback, and Wei Yan's expression changed instantly as he stepped forward to try to pull Qin Shuai away. Jiang Chun, seeing his rough actions, shouted, "What are you doing!" and then grabbed Wei Yan.

The four of them were thus at a standstill, with Qin Shuai gripping Qin Peng tightly, repeatedly saying, "Peng Peng... don't go..."

Wei Yan's face changed drastically as he looked up at Jiang Chun, coldly saying, "Get away! Don't let your lord do something disgraceful!"

Jiang Chun felt somewhat awkward but still said, "The lord is not in his right mind right now; I'll pull him. You're being so rough; what kind of decorum is that?"

"Then you pull him!" Wei Yan flung Qin Shuai's hand away, shouting, "Just do it! If you don't, I'll cut him!"

Jiang Chun glared at Wei Yan and reached out to pull Qin Shuai.

But unexpectedly, Qin Shuai held on tightly, every finger turning white from the effort.

Qin Peng lowered her gaze, looking at the person who seemed to be grasping the only straw in his life, unable to help but smile. She asked Jiang Chun, "When the lord calls for Peng Peng, is he calling me?"

Jiang Chun was struggling with Qin Shuai when he heard Qin Peng's question and quickly explained, "No, no, the lord is not in his right mind; the lady he's calling is Zhao Peng, who passed away early. The lord is calling for her; please don't misunderstand."

"Are you capable or not?" Wei Yan was somewhat impatient, brandishing his knife, "If you can't, I'll cut him!"

"General Wei, don't make a scene!"

Jiang Chun shouted loudly, leaning close to Qin Shuai's ear and whispering, "Lord, please let go; this is not the lady. I beg you, don't make a fuss."

Seeing Jiang Chun's reaction, Qin Peng found it somewhat amusing. Her wrist was already turning purple, but she didn't mind. She looked down at Qin Shuai, smiling as she said, "My lord, you're being too affectionate."

"Yeah," Jiang Chun strained to pry Qin Shuai's fingers one by one, saying, "It's been six years since she died, and the lord still thinks of her every day. He even sets an extra pair of chopsticks at meals, and when he's free, he buys her clothes, cosmetics, and jewelry, as if she's still alive. Princess... our lord is a bit irrational about this; please don't take offense."

Qin Peng didn't say anything. She lowered her gaze at Qin Shuai, feeling a mix of emotions.

It seemed that Jiang Chun's actions had pushed Qin Shuai to the edge. He didn't know if he was conscious or not, but suddenly opened his eyes wide.

Those eyes were filled with moisture, clear yet anxious, quietly looking at Qin Peng before suddenly speaking.

"Peng Peng..."

Seeing Qin Shuai's gaze, he didn't finish the rest of his words, but Qin Peng understood.

She had seen that look before, many years ago, when they had just married and had a quarrel, and he came to find her.

That time was because he had been too focused on his studies and lost her favorite little rabbit. Not only that, but he had also argued with her. She was so angry she trembled and planned to return to the palace to find Zhao Yu.

Who would have thought that after she returned to the palace, he would go look for the rabbit? He searched in a hurry, without even putting on his coat, and when he finally found it, he was covered in snow, which had turned to ice.

He came to the palace to find her, but Zhao Yu wouldn't let him see her. As a result, he really wouldn't leave and stood outside for an hour.

When she opened the door, he was already frozen with blue lips, but he still remembered to hold the little rabbit close to his body, afraid it would get cold.

He was shivering all over, looking at her with those usually clear and calm eyes, filled entirely with her.

His voice was trembling, yet he was so serious, word by word saying, "Peng Peng, will you come home with me?"

Now, after ten years, she heard that same phrase again.

He said, "Peng Peng, will you come home with me?"

When he said this, his expression and tone were exactly the same as back then, making Qin Peng's heart ache.

In an instant, she couldn't breathe, filled with so many questions she wanted to ask, but she realized she already had answers to those questions.

So she could only smile, her face calm as she said, "My lord, you're hurting me."

She didn't know if he heard her; after all, he hadn't heard anything despite all the words they exchanged.

But after saying this, Qin Shuai seemed to understand her meaning and froze.

He stared at her, slowly releasing his grip.

Qin Peng straightened up, took out a handkerchief from her pocket, and calmly wrapped it around her bruised wrist. Meanwhile, Qin Shuai closed his eyes and fainted.

Qin Peng smiled at the thoughtful Wei Yan, saying, "Uncle, let's go?"

Wei Yan came to his senses and nodded, "Ah? Oh."

With that, he followed Qin Peng as they left.

And Qin Shuai was deep in his dream. In the dream, Zhao Peng was in his arms, clutching his shirt, her face filled with pain.

"Shuai... it hurts... I'm in so much pain..."

He looked at her suffering, her despair, yet felt powerless.

He could only hold her tightly, shedding all his tears into her clothes.

"I'm sorry..."

"I'm sorry..."

He kept repeating, but she still struggled desperately.

She only had that one line, sharp as a knife, cutting towards him, bloodied.

She said, "Shuai, I'm in so much pain."