Blood Tears

Chapter 21

I watched through a haze of tears as one by one my sons fell asleep in each others arms. Tears stained their faces reflecting the pain all of us felt. I looked to Keír and found him passed out in his family's arms. I felt like I was in a nightmare I could not wake up from. As I stared at the door to the operating room, all the mistakes I made leading up to this moment consumed me. They fell on my back like rocks. Every cold tone. Every emotionless facade. They crushed me. If I thought I was scared when la mia piccola farfalla disappeared in the mall yesterday, I was beyond terrified now.

When I saw all that blood staining him and Keír, I could not breathe. I kept thinking, what if Keír had not been sleeping with la mia piccola farfalla? Would he have bled out? Would I have checked on him in the morning, only to see his pale, lifeless face staring back at me. I know I should be strong for my kids. I am a mafia don for fucks sake. But I just couldn't. I already lost him once. I cannot lose him again. I cannot live knowing that la mia piccola farfalla was suffering in silence. That he was slowly dying in the very place he was supposed to feel safe. I failed him.

The ringing of my phone broke through my haze. I slumped further into the crappy hospital waiting room chair and answered without looking at the caller ID. Before I could get a word in, the persons on the other end all began yelling.

" DAMIEN. FUCKING. LASOTA. WHY THE HELL DID YOU NOT TELL US THAT ARDIAN WAS BACK HOME?!"

"YEAH! WHAT THE FUCK BROTHER?! HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL US THAT MY YOUNGEST NEWPHEW WAS FOUND?!"

"HOW COULD YOU KEEP THIS FROM US?!"

"WE WANT TO SEE HIM NOW! WE ARE COMING FIRST THING IN THE MORNING!"

My parents, siblings and their spouses yelled at me through the phone. I know I should have told them, but I did not want them ambushing la mia piccola farfalla. But now, hearing their voices, I could not help but burst into a new flood of tears. I could not reply or defend my actions as I sobbed into the phone. I felt Aleksandr, my best friend, wrap his arms around my shoulders and lean me onto him. Both of us have been there for each other through everything. Our weddings, our children's births. He was even there to help me get out of the depression I was in after la mia piccola farfalla was taken.

"Damien, honey, what is going on? Why are you crying? Are you and the children okay?" My mother fired off in quick succession. Her tone full of concern. " No mom, everything is not okay. It's fucking terrible! La mia piccola farfalla is fighting for his life and I cannot do a damn thing to help him." I cried into the phone hysterically. More sobs racked my body as I imagined la mia piccola farfalla on that cold, metal operating table.

I did not even pay much attention when  Aleksandr took the phone from me to talk to my family, nor did I care. I felt emotionally exhausted but I could not sleep. I just fucking sat there for who knows how long. My gaze switching from the operating room doors to my sleeping sons. I did not know the time, the day, the year. All my mind could focus on was the pale face of la mia piccola farfalla as he laid surrounded by his own blood. The image forever imprinted into my mind.

"DAMIEN!" I heard my name being frantically called from the hallway. My gaze slowly raised to meet those of my family. My parents, siblings, their spouses, all of them were here. Their faces filled with worry. I had no energy to get up. My mind and body exhausted.

My parents crouched down to the chair I was sitting on and enveloped me in a bone crushing hug that once more opened the flood gates. I broke down in my parents arms, holding them like they were my lifeline. 

" He's dying. My son is fucking dying and I am out here not doing a damn thing. If Keír was not sleeping in his room he would have already been dead. He would have died in his own home. In the very place he was supposed to be safest. Mom, he was so pale and their was so much blood. He would not wake up. My son was slowly dying and I did not know a damn thing. All the bruises, the cuts, the burns, the scars. He endured them in silence and I could not even tell. What kind of father does not even fucking know that his son is in pain. A terrible one, that's who. I fucking failed him. I failed to protected him. I failed to keep him safe. I failed to see his pain and suffering. I failed at being a father to la mia piccola farfalla!" I sobbed hysterically into my parents embrace.

I cried and cried until their was no more tears left to cry. A deep sadness was left in my soul that I don't think will ever ease. I reminder of my failure to la mia piccola farfalla. "Honey, you are not a failure. You could not have known what was happening to Ardian. You are the most amazing father to all your boys. You are always there for them no matter what. You drop what you are doing, no matter what it is, and rush to your boys if they need you. I know that you are the best father to Ardian. You love him and his brothers more than anything in the world. You are not a failure by any means Damien and nobody thinks so." My mother whispered soothingly in my ear. Her voice thick with tears.

I looked up at my family to find everyone in a state of deep sadness. Sobs filling the room as they processed what I and mom said.  I leaned back to look at my parents, seeing them quietly sobbing as well. "I just got him back, I cannot lose him again. I can't go through that again. I can't live with myself he is not here." My voice barely above a whisper, depicting the fear in my heart. "Damien. My son. Ardian is strong. He is a Lasota. He will be okay, you just have be here for him when comes to. And he will." My father stated firmly. I hope he was right. God I really hoped he was right.

After my melt down, the rest of my family took up residence in the other chairs of the waiting room. The air was thick with worry for la mia piccola farfalla. Gradually, Keír and my sons awoke. All of them still looked exhausted but no one even thought about leaving. Hours later, the operating room doors slid open revealing Caius. When we spotted him, everyone immediately got up and surrounded him, asking how la mia piccola farfalla was. Caius's face was grim and exhausted. My heart sank seeing the unshed tears in my second eldest son's eyes. "I think we should go into my office to talk." Caius stated. His voice overflowing with sadness and tears leaked from his eyes.

No. Please No. Please. As we all followed Caius to his office, sadness suffocated us. Please, Please let la mia piccola farfalla be alive.

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Find out what happens on the next chapter of Blood Tears!

See you guys in the next chapter!!