𝘔𝘢𝘻𝘦 𝘙𝘶𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘳

𝚆𝚎'𝚕𝚕 𝚖𝚎𝚎𝚝 𝚊𝚐𝚊𝚒𝚗

omg!! Last chapter (officially)!!
warnings: suicidal thoughts (not heavy), authors note at end, survivors guilt

As soon as the ship got to the Safe Haven, Newt didn't particularly care about the tents. He didn't care about the kind faces that walked by. He stepped onto the beach, and just kept walking. Walking until the haven was just a flicker.

Shoes were immediately soaked as Newt stood in the shallow waves. It had been months since he had said goodbye to (Y/n)'s grave. His body was covered in dirt and painted rocks. A wooden cross sat at one end of his grave. Newt only possessed the red tinted elephant, the other one being buried with it'a human counterpart.

It is rumoured that Elephants never stray to far from their partners.

Technically, Newt could just emerge into the sea. No one would notice until the dark sky took over. But... he felt a warm presence on his back, and around his chest. It felt like someone was hugging from behind.

We will meet again, have patience.

He felt pressure on his head, as if someone's cheek was resting against it. The waves lapped around Newt's shins. It trying to tug him back to the sand. His hand slipped into his pant pocket, gripping the elephant with such tightness.

With an angry huff, he kicked a small wave. His breathing aggressive. Hands gripped onto the blonde hair, tugging on it in fists. The anger of loss, of grief, tore through his body, bubbling until it was all poured out into a thick scream.

Not one tear left his eye. He was allowed to be this angry. He was allowed to scream in anger until his vocal cords felt like they were going to get ripped out. He lost everything.

The lost comfort of home, the Maze. The lost comfort of (Y/n). Family, Winston, Jack, Chuck. Every loss started to bubble into the air. The waves crashed so loudly, it nearly drowned Newt out.

After the storm of emotion, Newt was panting as air stung to get down to his lungs. He limped through the sand, standing there for a minute, before he fell onto his knees.

A hand pulled out the elephant, it tugged the letter from its home and he roughly unfolded it. Paragraphs of words had been written on the parchment. Brown eyes read the following words.

My dearest, Newt,

Everything I do is for you. I think you know that, but in case you didn't. I do it for you. Thomas gave us a new hope, which means more danger than the Maze. I have been told I have a saviour complex, one I think you are quite familiar with. That is because I never want your heart heavy with burdens. You see yourself as one, and frankly, Newt, you are so much more than that. You are my everything. You are the sun that rises in the east, and the sun that sets in the west. You are the water that brings life to plants and flows through rivers. You are the air that my lungs breathe in. In simple words, my purpose.

I have been given many names. Bloodhound. Killer. Monster. Ava's guardian. You give purpose to my real name. (Y/n). You give it a warm touch, and a gentle smile. You make it a name I can be proud to have. No matter how much filth I have stained it with.

So I must apologise. I must say I'm sorry. I gave you hope, love, a fight, and I will never apologise for giving that to you. I left you alone. Alone with your thoughts, your emotions, for that I will forever say I am sorry. Newt, you must find another will to live. Just like me, you must find something that fill your lungs with air. You must find what will make the sun rise and set.

Fight. Fight to live. Fight to breathe the painful air. We survived Grievers, Cranks and you survived the virus. Don't accept death so soon, yeah?

I love you, until we meet again,
(Y/n)

-

"We have come so far together. So many have been sacrificed. So much to make this place possible. You're friends, and you're family."

Vince stood behind the large, blazing fire. A cup in one hand and a blade in the other. Thomas and Minho sat either side of Newt, all touching knees. Newt was gripping the tinted elephant with such force, the rope was pressing against his neck.

"So here's to the ones who couldn't be here. To the ones we lost... This place is for you, and it's for all of us. But this, this is for them."

The man turned away from the massive crowd of immune children and pointed to the massive rock. He then stabbed the knife into a wooden plank.

"So in your own time, in your own way, make your peace. Show your loss. And welcome to the Safe Haven!"

Throughout the night, Gladers' had carved their fallen into the rock. With a supportive pat on the shoulder from Gally, and a sad smile from Brenda, Newt carved (Y/n)'s name. He was placed next to George, in the middle of everyone else. Brothers all reunited again.

Newt let out a heavy sigh. An unspoken weight lifted off his shoulders. He didn't really have the words to describe what it was, what it was for, but it felt... good. Acceptable maybe? Hope? Peace?

That felt wrong. Feeling at peace. Everyone on this rock had faced with harsh, painful deaths. Somehow they were meant to feel peaceful after all of that. Thankfully, Newt's mind didn't dwell on that. Instead, he pressed three fingers to his lips, kissed them, and placed it upon his lover's name.

He'll live the life (Y/n) wanted to give him. That he died to save. He'll breathe for the memory of him. To be everything that (Y/n) had wanted him to be. To be happy.

He just has to find that.

"Newt!"

The blonde looked up to see Maddie calling him over. The red-head laying on Oliver's lap, while holding Brenda's hand. Frypan was showing Gally how to make a 's'more', laughing as the chocolate slipped out from the biscuit sandwich. Thomas and Minho was listening to Aris and Harris share experiences of their Maze. With a nod, Newt joined them.

Or maybe, he already has.

𝙵𝚒𝚗𝚒𝚜𝚑.

author's note: alternative ending?? with steamy scene?? or do we want to keep it like this?