"Would this memory be enough for me to live with for the rest of my life?"
- Haesin Young, Pian Pian
And with that Monday, tech week began. Tuesday already arrived, while the day before felt like a complete fever dream. I still can't remember exactly what happened during school, mainly because it probably wasn't anything interesting, but I do know that he hugged me. I'm just not sure when or how, but he did.
At the end of the day, I was terrified to see if he would try and pretend nothing happened, but he just acted normal. I was placing my backpack against the wall when Oli ran over and asked for a hair tie. "Let me check.." I told him, rummaging through my backpack in the process. I found the pink clip-on bow I hadn't taken out of my backpack since February and gave it to him. However, I didn't expect him to wear it. I thought he would just say "Oh this isn't a hair tie" and hand it back. He didn't; instead, he clipped his hair to the side and said thank you. Like I said, I can't remember everything, as it's been so long since I faced him, which is exactly why I kept everything in my notes. I remember his laugh though, his smile, whether it was soft or playful, the way his hands felt, and I can't be weird for remembering the way he smelled. I remember the way he loved, at least I think I do. He constantly switched between changing his costume and makeup and talking to me and my friends, which was hilarious. We sat down for announcements and he sat right next to me. As we listened to the announcements from the director, he began to play with the ropes attached to my belt.
"...Ubukhosi ba khkokokokk," (he meant to say my line in He lives in You "Ubukhosi bo khokho") he whispered to me. I smirked at him and he smiled at me. We smiled at each other and he patted my hair down because my cowlick was sticking up from the gel that was put on it.
We began to run the show again and I didn't see him after Circle of Life. This time we used the lighting and it felt like the show was coming together.
He returned inside through the door by the stairs and walked to me. He waved because we were told to be quiet backstage. We were side by side watching the scenes change when he realized he was on the wrong side and started walking back to the stairs in which he entered from.
"Love you!! Bye!" he said to me in a whisper. I stood there like the idiot I was and looked at him starry-eyed as he walked down the stairs and outside to switch to the left wing.
I paused for a beat and blurted, "Love you too!" Johnny, who heard the whole thing, looked at me and smirked as if he knew all along. "It's platonic I swear." I tried to defend Oli because he was already seen as "the gay kid". I'm gay, we've already established that. But if I were to openly like him like that, I'd be bringing him down with me. After all, we went to a catholic school. Johnny seemed like the type of person to not care.
His smirk grew with my everlasting flustered face and he said, "Okay, okay. Sure!" I ignored him and continued to watch the musical.
In Act 2, Oliver and a kid named Mario were in the right wing with me. Oli was talking about some celebrity and Mario started critiquing him. Oli looked over at me and laughed. He then proceeded to put his head on my shoulder. He tended to do this when other people didn't understand him. I put my head on top of his, and he shuddered. Could that have been too sudden? That didn't matter anymore, it was time for our scene. He Lives in You wasn't that difficult of a song, it just required me to sing very high for a prolonged period. I didn't mind, since my voice was high anyway, but I was nervous about cracking with Oli. We had grass for background dancers, and you might think that that's weird, but it's not. For a play about animals, it's normal that you would have some type of personified vegetation. The music started quiet, with the grass echoing the same phrase 5-6 times, until I interrupted with the single word, "night". The lights shining on me were shades of blue, mixed with green and golden yellow, so I wouldn't be washed out. It was a lot, being in hot lights in a heavy costume, but I loved it. I continued to sing as I neared the pre-chorus."Ubukhosi bo khokho!" the words I sang rang out and reverberated off the walls of the auditorium. I stood behind Oli, sort of looming over him. I stepped aside and looked back at him, this could have been staged and he might have just been told to do this, but I found him looking directly back at me. Surprised by that, I looked away with my mouth forming a smirk. I tried to push the feeling down, if I let my emotion show in such an important scene, someone surely would notice. My blocking required me to continue looking at him, so I did. Once I looked back, he was smiling at me; that was the final straw. I smiled and looked away, I almost laughed. The number ended with me hastily running off stage, and most likely by mistake, Oli, once again, accidentally exited stage right and was on my side of the stage. He was further in front of me and I couldn't help but stare. His blond, tousled hair, shoulders, hands, and nape were dusted with pink hues from the heat of the stage lights, not even I could amount to how much I adored him. He turned around and saw me, his eyes glazed with a hint of satisfaction and admiration. It could've been fear I saw too. He hesitated at first, but ran to me and hugged me like we were parting briefly.
"I love you." he said, dragging the "you".
"Alright, you love me. Will you allow me to love you?" I wanted to say, but I didn't. We were supposed to be just friends, which is why I'm here right now alone and not with him.
"Me too..." I replied, still in his arms.
I desperately wanted to pretend that maybe he meant what I thought he meant. I wanted to cling to the belief that he said he loved me romantically. When I graduated, I realized meeting him left me with a scar larger than the wound he made, probably because I kept clawing at the wound, prolonging the recovery process more than it should have been.
The next day the whole 8th grade was taken to a church retreat, meaning we were gone and would miss a full day. That also meant I would miss out on seeing Oli for the school day, although it didn't matter in the long run because I'd get to see him for rehearsal.
Finally, the clock read 2:50 pm and we were able to walk back to school where I hoped Oli would be waiting for me. Once we arrived at the auditorium, I went to put my backpack down accompanied by Brooklynn, per usual. Nia was near the stage talking to Oli and from a distance, I heard my name in their conversation. "Charlie's here," she said. I can hear the smirk in her voice even now.
"Charlie, get over here, you monkey!" Oliver yelled, his voice echoing throughout the auditorium. Following his orders as if in a trance, I ran over to where they were standing in the key (because they use the auditorium for not only performances but basketball, which explains the foldout chairs they used for musicals and the marked lines for sports on the floor).
He said hi and I said hi back before enveloping him in yet another hug that feels too warm to be casual. "Charlie missed you while we were gone." Nia interrupted with a grin on her face. I couldn't see it, but I could tell by the tone of her voice.
He paused for a second, then pulled away without missing a beat and said, "Aw! I missed Charlie, too!" Talking with Oli felt so natural then. If I could take us back to the days when worries of one leaving were ahead of us and focusing on the moment was the only thing that mattered, I'd give my everything to hold his gaze, as I did in that auditorium.
When entering 8th grade, I wasn't looking for someone to like. I'm not sure if anyone is looking for someone to like, or if they can choose, but I know that Oliver is my serendipity. I opposed the idea of him, but gradually, I fell. It still haunts me every day; the words he uttered that week.
Backstage was always hectic, with people running around trying not to miss their entrance. I found serenity in the chaos though. Be Prepared was the scene where Oli had to change into his hyena costume, and finished as I leaned against the railing. He exited the stage and spotted me. Since we were told to be quiet backstage, he didn't say anything, at least not in words. Slowly, he raised his index finger and pointed at himself. Then, with both hands, traced a heart in the air. He, finally, pointed that same index finger at me. I was stunned at this point. I didn't think him saying that he loved me would turn into a streak, but it did. I mouthed the words back to him and he engulfed me in a hug before taking his leave down the stairs. Remembering those laconic words he said to me tends to take a toll on my mind. Sometimes when I remember his voice, it feels as if he never left.
Tech week was almost over and we had one final dress rehearsal. As you can imagine, I dreaded the next day. I didn't know what would between me and Oli. Part of me hoped that he would show me a sign that he liked me. Another part of me just hoped he knew how I felt about him.
words: 1754
YOU ARE READING
Untouchable
Romance"The end isn't much different from the beginning." Charlie is in his 8th grade year. He's been going to this school for 9 years. So why now does he finally meet him? Oliver, whom Charlie learns to call Oli, too has just met a new friend. The questio...
