𝐒𝐄𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐃 𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐄 | spencer agnew

12. safe, part two

♫  my love mine all mine - mitski

❝ nothing in the world belongs to me

but my love, mine, all mine ❞

♫  not a lot, just forever - adrianne lenker

❝ like the rock bears the weather

not a lot, just forever ❞

--

it's around 4 in the morning and spencer can't sleep. he lies on the couch on his back, staring at the ceiling. the rain drums rhythmically on the window, accompanying the sound of his beating heart. thoughts of gracie in his clothes worm their way into his mind, much to his dismay. as much as he tries to ignore it he can't help but wonder how they fit on her.

disturbed by his own thoughts, he goes to get water. he turns only the stove light on the kitchen so as not to wake gracie. he leans against the counter after filling a glass and peers through the window at the city before him. the stove light shines behind him, casting a warm glow around his figure.

of all the people in this place, why does it have to be her? why did he condemn himself to a life of pining after a woman that he can't have anything to do with?

it's human nature, he supposes. he shrugs away the thought, not wanting to dwell on it; the more he does that the more real it becomes. though, at the same time, he feels an overwhelming urge to "rescue" her from jamie. all he is is a puppetmaster.

spencer shudders at the idea of gracie deeming herself deserving of pain and guilt. between sips of water, he wonders if she really needs rescuing. does he have a skewed self-perception? maybe this isn't his place. maybe he can't do anything about it, and maybe he shouldn't. maybe he hasn't made his thoughts about jamie clear enough. maybe it wouldn't even matter to her.

why does he care so deeply?

he's at the sink refilling his glass when he hears shuffling from the hallway. gracie's silhouette appears in the doorway wearing the baggiest shirt and pants imaginable.

his heart threatens to beat out of his chest.

he returns to his spot leaning against the counter, hoping to play it cool.

"hey," he manages to squeak out.

"hey." gracie offers a soft smile. she leans against the sink across from spencer, keeping noticeable distance between them. "can't sleep?"

spencer nods.

they look anywhere but each other. the humming of the stove light fills the air.

after a few minutes, gracie speaks up. "thank you for this, by the way." she gestures to her clothes, nervously grabbing at the extra shirt fabric.

he laughs. "of course. you look better than i ever have."

she glances up and meets his eyes without meaning to. his figure is backlit by the stove light, the warm gradient painting his hair and skin. it gives the appearance of a halo and she laughs.

"what?"

"with the light, you look like an angel." she giggles and he follows suit. maybe he is, she thinks. he may as well be, always coming to the rescue.

they speak softly to each other.

after a beat, he offers his glass to her. "want some?"

she nods. she takes the glass and raises it to her lips. he watches her cautiously as if he made the water by hand and is looking for approval.