Foster Brothers: By The Blood

Not Okay☹

(Jai's P.O.V.)

I can't believe I just told Luke my biggest secret. I swore to myself that I wouldn't tell another soul about the game I play! Though, when I'm with Luke, I don't feel scared of anything. I feel safe, and for an odd reason, I feel like he can actually help me.

Oh who am I kidding?! No one can help me. Not even I can help myself.

Shocked with the words that I accidentally let slip out of my mouth, I left the bedroom and I went into the bathroom. I locked the door behind me, and pressed my back up against the door. I slid down to the floor, and I hugged my knees tightly to my chest. I felt all alone, and completely vulnerable to the penetrating thoughts that always seemed to overwhelm my mind.

After a few minutes of doing nothing but blankly staring at the tile floor, I stood up and then went over to the sink. Like any other bathroom that I've ever used, there was a mirror above the sink, and I simply stared at my reflection. My face looked as pale as a sheet of paper, and I didn't know that the scratches I had accidentally made around my ears were so visible. My hair was a mess, my eyes were bloodshot, and I couldn't seem to remember what a smile was.

As I continued to stare at myself in the mirror, before I could comprehend what was going on, my own image distorted and I could no longer see myself. I saw Bia instead, and she was staring back at me. She was wearing the large sweater that she always wore, and her hair was perfectly curled. Her little face was unharmed, and overall, she didn't look the way she did when she died.

Her eyes had life in them, and she gave me a soft smile. Her lips started moving, almost as if she were talking to me. Though I couldn't hear her this time, so I had no idea as to what she was saying to me.

I lifted one of my hands, and I reached out to touch the mirror. I wanted to feel her sweater, the one that always kept her warm, and always seemed so soft and comforting. Though, as soon as my fingers touched the glass of the mirror, Bia was completely gone. In the blink of an eye, I could only see myself in the mirror again.

Startled by the sudden disappearance, I stumbled backwards and I hit the wall behind me rather hard.  I ran a hand through my hair, and I felt my eyes become wet with tears. I was becoming frustrated with myself! I've been seeing things lately, and the disturbing part about it is that most of the time I see dead people.

Not only this, but I can even hear what they say to me sometimes. That is the reason for the scratches around my ears. Sometimes I become so overwhelmed with what they say to me, I begin to claw at my ears as if that will create silence. It doesn't work so, I usually end up with bloody ears and trembling hands.

Why is this monster after me?! The monster started out as a small little thing, eating me away slowly. Though, with every dark night, that little monster grew stronger and stronger. It figured out my weaknesses and it knew how to create scarring damage. Strangely enough though, it hid away at one point, and I thought my constant worry and fear could take a break. It was safe for me to open up and breathe again. Little did I know, that as soon as I stepped out of the little hiding place of sanity in the back of my head, the monster jumped out at me suddenly and stronger than ever before. It knocked me down hard, and it swallowed me whole. It sank its teeth into my heart and I've never felt so much pain. It released a venom into my veins, and now there is poison running throughout my body. A poison that makes me hallucinate the dead and tell false truths to myself. I'm not the only one who gets attacked by this monster, but not all make it to talk about it. They all think that the only way to destroy the monster, is to destroy themselves. I may or may not agree.

Tears began to leak from my eyes, and I felt like I couldn't breath. Everything was becoming too much for me! I began to scan the bathroom quickly, in search of something sharp. I needed something that would be able to cut my skin open, in order to release the venom that the monster had poisoned me with.

But wouldn't that be what the monster would want me to do? To hurt myself? What if I'm falling into its trap?! As two voices began to argue in my head, I had found a small piece of glass on the floor.

One voice in my head was saying,

"Don't do it Jai! This is exactly what the monster wants. You're stronger than this! Think about you're family!"

While another voice said,

"Just one slice Jai c'mon! Don't you want to get the poison out? This is how to do it! Besides, what family do you have left? You've practically killed everyone silly boy. Your mother is long gone, and before you know it, you'll be buying roses for four other funerals if you know what I mean."

No! The voice was wrong! My family won't die! I won't let them!

Everything became blurry, and I wasn't thinking straight! I pressed the glass to my wrist, but before I could slice anything, I cried out in pure panic and fear. I don't why I did, but perhaps it was the little sanity left within me that was trying to save me. It was like my vocal cords were functioning on their own, and they screamed,

"LUKE! BEAU HELP ME!"

Then within seconds, the bathroom's door was violently thrown open, (apparently I didn't lock it like I had thought I had) and the both of my brothers had wide eyes of concern. Luke rushed over to me, carefully removed the sharp glass from my hand that had turned white from holding it so tight, and then he engulfed me into a hug. I suppose the monster was afraid of my big brother because, in that moment, the monster's thoughts had ceased and I finally felt safe for the time being.

I didn't know I was still crying until I felt Beau wipe away my tears and say,

"It's okay bug. We're here now."

"I-I almost lost again Luke! I w-was playing the game b-but, I almost lost again!" I sobbed into Luke's chest.

"Game? What is he talking about?" Beau questioned Luke.

"We'll talk later." Luke told him quietly but, I could still hear him.

"It's okay baby. I got you now." Luke ran his hands through my hair.

We stayed like that for a while, and my eyes were becoming heavier by the second. I think my brothers noticed because, I was soon lifted up off of the ground and carried towards our shared bedroom. I was placed in the middle of the bed, and Luke laid down next to me on one side, while Beau laid on the other. They pulled a blanket over me, and I couldn't hold my eyes open anymore so, I let them slip shut.

They thought I was asleep, so they started whispering to each other.

"What game was he talking about earlier?" It was Beau who started the conversation.

"Can we please not talk about that right now? He's okay right now, so let's just-"

"But he's not okay! He's not okay Luke!" Beau interjected Luke, trying to remain quiet. He was failing at that, but I didn't dare open my eyes.

"I know that!" Luke hissed.

"But I know that he will be." He added.

Would I? How could he be so sure?

"I know that Luke. But as of right now, he's not. So-" Beau continued to speak but, my mind trailed off and I couldn't hear him anymore.

He was right.

I'm not okay.

***************

OMG! What are your thoughts on this chapter?

ily all!♥︎