𝕿𝖗𝖊𝖒𝖔𝖗 - ʳᵉᵍᵘˡᵘˢ ᵇˡᵃᶜᵏ

Chapter 33: Big Brother, Big Mouth

WHEN SIRIUS Black was sixteen-years-old, he ran away from home with nothing but the clothes on his back and three broken ribs. It was not the lack of belongings that made him feel as though he was missing something, however, nor the wreck of his chest that made him feel pain. No, it was the absence of his baby brother, a boy who was too thin and too quiet, that made his stomach churn with dread.

It was the penultimate moment in Sirius's life. The one that would dictate how the rest would go. One brother asking the other to leave with him, the other begging the one to stay. Neither getting what they want, but neither succumbing to what they don't want either. A cruel compromise that felt an awful lot like a punishment. Because the truth was, they hated each other for the decisions they'd made. Sirius liked to think it was only because of how much love they had for one another, deep down. He doubted Regulus shared the same sentiment.

James had described the day Sirius ran away as the best day of his life, after all the fuss about the blood and bruises, of course. It was an admission made quietly in the darkness of night. James felt guilty for it, considering the hell Sirius had been through. But, he had explained, that was the day Sirius was finally safe once and for all. The day a best friend became a brother, well and truly, and nothing could be more joyous than that. Sirius had cried when James said it, because Godric knows that was exactly what he needed to hear.

Sirius couldn't pin point what the best day of his own life had been. There were good days, and there were bad days. But there was no best. He could only ever think of a best moment. A brief time when everything felt right.

It was the first day of second year, he'd just entered the train compartment that his friends were sitting in, his little brother trailing behind him, and for one moment—just one moment—he truly believed he could have all the people he loved at once. He believed so hopelessly that Regulus would fit right into the fold. He was quiet, but so was Remus more often than not—surely they'd get along. And he was whiny, a little stuck up, but so was Peter at times. And he was cold, prickly for lack of a better term, but James always liked an attitude if the insults were creative enough—Lily was proof of that.

     But then, despite Regulus being all of those things, his quiet, whiny, prickliness wasn't in the funny, halfhearted way it often was with Sirius. No, he had hatred behind his eyes, he had malice in his words. He lasted all of two minutes before he disappeared to find something better to do. And the moment was over, and it was just an average day—not the best, not the worst.

      He never thought he'd get a taste of that feeling again, as he drifted farther from his family and his relationship with Regulus grew evermore tumultuous. Then, Theona Bell entered the picture.

     She had seemed like just another student, all nervous and jittery. Actually, the first time he saw her she'd reminded him a lot of Regulus. Her posture straight and her chin turned up like she was looking down on them, but her hands fidgeting and her voice stuttering. Anxious but trained enough to hide it, at least enough to hide it from people who didn't know what the signs looked like firsthand—people like Sirius. Not that he'd paid all that much attention to her to begin with.

     No, he didn't start paying attention until he realized just how bright she could shine. Theona was like that—reflective. The light from others gave her a light of her own. And for some odd reason, an assault of red, white, and blue paint lit her up like a Christmas tree—or like the fourth of July, as she would say. He didn't know what the fourth of July was, but she was always saying, 'light it up like the fourth of July,' when she wanted Remus to light her cigarette. It was one of those little quirks of hers, like how it sounded as though she threw random Ws into certain words like 'fwalling' and 'stwore' when she was yelling. And how her nose always twitched when she was really ticked off. And how she always crossed her fingers behind her back when she wanted something to go her way.