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Chapter 29
#wrewp
Grantholm couldn't believe all what I said. Kitang kita ko sa mga mata niya kung gaano siya kasaya. A string got pulled inside of me as I watched his face. Suminghap siya at huminto sa pagsayaw. Tumingala siya, mariin na pumikit, habang may malaking ngiti na gumuhit sa labi. Seeing his priceless reaction made me realize that I did the right choice of accepting his love, of accepting my love for him.
Namumula ang mga mata niya nang bumalik ang tingin niya sa akin. His lips hung open slightly as he stared to my face.
"Boyfriend . . ." he whispered in disbelief. "I'm Matienne's boyfriend."
I nodded my head and feigned annoyance. "Kakasabi lang . . ."
He chuckled, eyes still stung with tears. "I'm your boyfriend . . ."
"Tss . . ."
"Fuck." He bit his lip hard, couldn't believe that it was happening. That we were happening. "I want to hug you right now but there's a lot of people here."
"Grantholm!"
"I won't do it, hmm?" malambing niyang bulong.
I shook my head but there was a smile growing on my lips. My heart gave in. My hands were cold. Hindi ko inaasahan na magiging masaya siya ro'n. Hindi ko inaasahan na nakuha niya pa rin akong hintayin kahit inabot 'yon ng ilang taon.
"I'm sorry . . ." bulong ko. "I'm sorry for everything that I've done to you."
Bumuga ako ng hangin, yumuko, at muling tinagpo ang mga mata niya. His eyes were wandering around my face like it was the most interesting thing for him, like it would vanish if he batted an eyelash. Kahit naluluha, inaninag pa rin ako ng mga mata niya sa likod ng kaniyang salamin.
I had never apologized to him. I had never apologized for being mean, for being irrational, for judging him, and for thinking of so many evil fucking things just to ruin him. Masyado akong nabulag sa kagustuhang maangatan siya at manatili sa itaas. Masyado akong lumagari sa kagustuhan ng mga magulang ko kaya naidala ko 'yon sa bawat tapak ko.
Grantholm never did me wrong.
Hindi niya kasalanan kung . . . mas matalino siya sa akin.
Hindi niya kasalanan maging magaling.
Ako ang may mali sa lahat ng aspeto.
"Hindi ako . . . marunong humingi ng tawad kahit kanino. Lalo na sa 'yo. Pero sisikapin kong maayos ko 'yon sa sarili ko — hindi, marami pa akong kailangan maayos sa sarili ko. I have a lot of growing up to do. And if I want to take a step forward, I would like it to be with you first," sambit ko. "I never got to apologize to you . . . to everything that I did. That's why Grantholm, I am sorry. I'm sorry for being mean to you. I'm sorry for being irrational towards you. I'm sorry for judging you."
Pinanood niya lang ako gamit ng malamlam niyang mga mata, nakikinig sa lahat ng lumalabas sa bibig ko.
"Masyado akong naging unfair pagdating sa 'yo. While I could have empathy with others, I became shallow when it came to you. Kumbaga, nakikita ko at nararamdaman ko ang pinagdadaanan ng iba. Pero sa 'yo . . . hindi ko nakikita dahil naging sarado ako dahil ikaw 'yon. Dahil ayoko sa 'yo noon."
"Matienne . . ."
"Kaya hayaan mong bumawi ako. Gusto kong bumawi sa 'yo. I want to pour your cup a love the way you pour yours to mine," bulong ko. "I'm sorry if it took this long and thank you . . . for waiting for me."
