Inner Explosions [A Naruto Fanfic]

Chapter Thirty-Four

The dummy before me was decimated. My knuckles were bloody from sparring with it. Splinters had wormed their way into my bleeding hands. Athough I should've been tired, I had barely broken a sweat. It irritated me to no end. The pain I should've felt in my knuckles was simply a slight stinging sensation. My chakra wasn't even lowered. Sasori's experiments with my body was beginning to wear my patience thin. However, there was nothing I could do to change the past, and what was done was done. A soft sigh brushed past my lips sadly. Pain was no friend of mine, but I wanted to feel. 

Sasori popped out of nowhere, taking me fully by surprise. My lips automaically curled with distaste. "i'm only here to check your arms." Sasori said blandly. With a snarl threatening to show, I allowed him to unwind my bandages. The marks on my arms had faded greatly. The lines of fury were little more than thin, shallow cuts, although they were edged with red. "Good." said Sasori, "Although your skin has paled drastically. You look like a sheet of paper." I made no comment about his remark, and rewound the bandages up my arms. The dummy received another beating following Sasori's departure. 

Later that night, I came home an hour earlier than usual. I felt distressed, mentally, although my body felt awake and energized, ready to take on the world. The scent of food drew me to the kitchen. Who would be cooking at two in the morning? My quesion was answered easily as I waltzed into the kitchen to find Hidan reheating the stir-fry the other members had for dinner. 

My stomach rumbled gently, a reminder that I hadn't eaten since leaving this empty shell of a home. I couldn't stand to stay in my own bedroom, but when I went to Deidara's, or even Itach's or Nagato's the light from the window was too intense for my sleeping eyes to handle. My vision was a little sharper. I'd noticed it after I'd noticed that I wasn't bothered much by artificial light. It was daylight that bugged me to no end. 

When Hidan wasn't looking, I took half his food and fled from sight. I felt guilty for taking food from him, but hey, I gotta eat and he had the food. My chopsticks had never felt better in my hands. Eating was putting me in a really good mood, although I suspected that it was because I was hungry. The sharpness of my hunger, however, was strange. It didn't feel like normal hunger. It was like a gentle reminder saying "oh, let's eat sometime" instead of the usual demanding "eat now or die". 

The food, even though it wasn't much, satisfied my hunger. I appeared in the kitchen surrounded by smoke, left my plate there, and disappeared in the same manner. I hesitated upon appearing outside my room. I wanted to enter. I wanted to stay in there for a few hours to get some sleep, but at the same time I was weary of going inside. The stench of pain clung to the air and made my toes curl with distaste. I abandoned the thought of entering for another time, and went to Deidara's room. 

Deidara had been... well he'd been very accommodating toward my situation. It made me feel terrivle that I'd done what I had done to him. I wondered, deep down, if he knew what I had said to him that night had been purely out of rage, a moment of weakness that had overtaken my mind, and that I didn't mean a word I'd said then. Maybe he did. He was alway sso warm to me, and he never ceased to act like the boyfriend he'd been before. I was confused, though. Had we broken up, or had we simply had a fight? This was not my area of expertise, and it left me floundering for help, and any sort of help would've done me some good. 

I slipped into Deidara's room soundlessly. He was always staying up until I had gotten home. This had been part of the reason why I'd come home early today. I wanted t oknow why he stayed up for me, and what we were. Deidara's eyes landed on me the moment I slipped past his door and closed it tightly behind me. The curtains, heavy things that we both despised, were drawn tightly. "Deidara, I have a question." I said upon entering his view more clearly.