Blinded Love

Chapter Thirty Nine ~ I Love You

Chapter Thirty Nine ~ I Love You

I lived with my parent's murderers my whole life, maybe I guess that's why I'm able to forgive them. Though I feel so betrayed and silly, I can't deny the love I have for them. I'm starting to believe that being nice to everyone isn't the way to go around. I've been used, and fooled because I was too nice. Like a daisy just drifting through the wind, never having an anchor to my life. I thought bringing smiles to others would be like looking into a mirror that would bring smiles back to me like my reflection. It was more like speaking into a dark hole, where you'll never know if it'll echo or not. I thought if I became mature and smart, they'd have to worry less about me, but it was just trouble for them. I was like a stepping stone for them, but everything I thought would help only threw them off my back.

I leaned my head back against the wall, as I slid down against the wall. Although there were the ups and downs, I lifted my head high, because I thought I did my best, but it wasn't enough. No matter what I did, or how well known I become around the neighborhood, I wasn't accepted as their own daughter. I was more of a threat without even knowing. Should I become paralyzed to make you feel like you're better than me? Am I just suppose to sleep day and night, and put my life into a waste to make yourself feel better? I never laughed at ChinHee, nor thought of her as lower than me. I didn't use her disabilities to make me feel better, because no matter if we're rich or poor, popular or not, we're only humans who have feelings. Because one might be more talented than another, doesn't mean they don't have their own problems that make life unfair to them. I lost my parents for the need of you to feel better. Maybe it helped you, but then I became an unloved child. It wouldn't even be half as bad if at least you loved me back sincerely. I was just another toy you played with, not even realizing I had feelings as well as you do. I feel stupid for trusting you.

The time when it was my birthday four years back, I had a nightmare in the middle of the night. She hugged me, with a warm smile. She held me tight, and took all my fear away. She kissed the top of my head, and whispered, "I'll always be there for you. Always." I'm guessing it was just another lie to comfort me.

"Keep this photo in your room, it's the only full family picture we have." She said, as she placed the picture in a picture frame on my desk.
I thought she accepted me as her own daughter, and counted me in as a family, but in reality she thought of me as an outsider. I'm a hundred percent sure that's when she added the eavesdropping device. What I thought were hopes, were weapons against me.

Will Baekhyun also be a lie? Is it just another fairy tale story to be told? Because if it is, don't ever end the story so that I can be with Baekhyun for a very very very very long time.

~Ja's Point of View~
All my years, I thought that if I did good to my daughter, heaven will not get revenge on me for pushing her to her limits to study day and night. I was too blind to care for someone else, whom I blamed my daughter's condition for. I always thought she was born that way, and life wasn't fair for her. I believed that heaven hated ChinHee, and had deep love for (YourName) to make her so loved. In reality, they had the same start, and I was the one who scarred my daughter. Not once, but twice. There was only one thing I believed in, and that was that if their was enough love, no one would back stab you. But it isn't like that, or I guess you can say ChinHee doesn't love me as much as I think she does. She pointed me out, telling the truth, as if wanting to push me to jail. Or but maybe she just couldn't hold in the truth to herself any longer, because it already left an unforgettable scar on her heart.

She's right that I don't understand her, and that I didn't give her the love she needed from the beginning. Maybe she needs me to have jail time, to think everything through. I always wanted to be well known, while everyone looked up to my daughter. Maybe if I can word it right.. maybe I just needed to be loved too.

Truthfully, (YourName) is basically everyone's daughter ideal type. She's smart, cute, kind, pretty, talented, understanding, and just absolutely like an angel. I guess I just couldn't love her, because I saw her as a rival. I still see her as an enemy, because taking her into our family, only made more comparisons between her and ChinHee. Everyone saw her like a princess, while ChinHee was like a servant. Ironic.. because no matter where we went, or where we were, I treated ChinHee like a princess, while (YourName) was like our servant.
I won't be able to give ChinHee the love she needs, and I don't know who will other than (YourName). Yet, I don't know how to ask her for such a favor, when I've treated her like nothing, but a house dog. Baekhyun will tell (YourName) that I killed her parents, so for sure, I'll be heading to jail soon. Everyone knows that no matter how nice someone can be, they can't be able to forgive someone who killed the people they love the most.

~My Point of View~
I remember that day when the wind blew against us, and I started getting a cold, but Ja took off her jacket for me. She gave me a warm smile, that made it feel like the sun's ray that warmed me up. We were having a picnic, and I wasn't left out. That day was the first time I ever took a photo with Ja. I had a feeling she started liking me more and more. My smile was brighter than ever if you looked at the picture.
The week after, we went to the beach. I scraped myself against wood sticks that were hidden in the sand. Ja rushed towards me like lightning, and took care of my injury as soon as possible. She held my little hands, as we walked along the beach, splashing water at each other.

We ate at desserts after dinner, as ChinHee wiped ice cream on my face as if it was make up. Ja laughed with us, as we captured the memory with a camera. She wiped my face, and we continued to laugh.

Whether if she loved me or not, I'm so thankful to have her in my life. Maybe she never enjoyed me being apart of her life, but I'm sure she was happy from all the little moments we spent together. Little memories could be forgotten, so I wonder if she still remembers them.
ChinHee started dialing a number on the phone, but I got up and ran towards her. I pulled the phone away from her. I might be known as the world's stupidest person on earth now, but I guess that's what Ja always wanted, so that ChinHee would be the smarter one.
"ChinHee.. please don't." I pleaded, as I fell to the floor. "You said I was your inspiration, would you stop trying to get them into jail if I told you I never hated them and I forgive them? Don't make that call. I know I can't follow you around everywhere, and I'll never know if you do make the call or not, but I'm trusting you that you do this favor for me."

Everyone looked at me like I was crazy, even Baekhyun.  For some reason, I felt like hugging him tight, because I had a feeling he'd leave me. My sight became blurry as my eyes were filled with tears. ChinHee left in a rush, before anyone could hold onto her. Maybe I have disappointed her as her sister. I'm sorry, but I can't let Ja go to jail. It's not because I don't love my parents enough, but because my parents taught me to forgive everyone.

~ChinHee's Point of View~
I'm so blown away.. even finding out mom was her parent's murderer, she's able to forgive mom. Not even I can forgive her for that. I really look up to you (YourName). You're like the coolest sister ever. I heard the words 'I love you' a lot from mom, and now I see that it was to make you jealous, but I also know that deep down inside she really loves me. I think you need to hear these three words more often.. and I'm sorry for almost taking Baekhyun away from you. (YourName).. I love you. Let me just say that I'm sorry for ruining your life.

...To Be Continued~~~