No room in this hell | Frerard | Limited Story

Our Lady Of Sorrows

Gerard's POV

It was as if there were concrete blocks tied to my legs, weighing me down in the chair Ray forced me into. I keep my eyes fixed on Frank, I cant bring myself to look my brother in the eye. I try to piece together what just happened, I know nothing except rage.

The three of them hovering over me under the grim, tar stained light that's suspended on the kitchen ceiling. You could cut the tension and the stale air in this room with a knife. They all leer at me as concern and frustration smear their faces. I sit, studying the pain I've inflicted, I'm suddenly looking at myself from over Frank's shoulder as if I'm tethered to a demon. I'm not in control, hell, I barely recognise myself.

I've been aimlessly angry for years but I don't think I've ever been this irascible before.

Mikey crouches down in front of me, keeping himself level and me in place by resting his elbows on my knees. He reaches up, tilting my head to the side to examine my face, my limbs too numb and heavy to push him away. "For fuck's sake Gerard!" He huffed "you should have let me help you days ago! you could have got an infection!" He started to rant. My eyes catch his before darting back to Frank. I must look deranged because he quickly shifts his stare. "You don't need stitches, at least..." He trails off, reaching into the first aid box.

Frank's eyes falls to the floor and the despondent expression quickly turns to dismay "Shit dude! you're fucking bleeding!" He exclaimed, racing forward to lift up my brother's shirt. "That's what happens when we throw bottles at people" Mikey sneers, seemingly unfazed as he starts to wipe the blood from my nose.

"Its just a flesh wound, I'll patch it in a sec" He grits, alerting Frank to back away from us.

"I'm a bit lost here guys... what happened?" Ray interjects, holding out his arm for Frank to stand up. I can feel his eyes on me now with a pitiful look upon his face. "Why don't you ask Frank?! He seems to have a lot to say!" I yell. "I.. Only told them because.." Frank stutters. "You fuckin promised Frank!" I cut him off, my eyes tearing up. "WE THOUGHT YOU WERE..."He starts, balling his fists and shifting in place, unable to finish his sentence. "We thought you were dead" Mikey says sternly, his eyes fixed on my chest as he wipes at the blood.

I made my kid brother think he was coming home to a corpse.

My entire body starts to tense as I dig my finger nails into the wooden arm rests. "What did you say Frank?" I snarl.

"I know you've been turning tricks Gerard" Mikey sighed as he finally looked up at me through his glasses, sending my heart crashing to my stomach.

"You made me sound like a cheap whore!" I spit, boring my eyes into Frank. "And you sure made me feel like one!" He bawled. I watch him very carefully now. Something tells me that what Mikey said is news to him. Frank shoots me a concerned look, his shirt clings to his chest with sweat, his cheeks are flushed and his lips are cracked. His eyes are darkened, raw and puffy. I know a thing or two about sleep deprivation and I know how long you need to stay awake before you begin to look like that. Its as if I drain the lifeforce out of everything around me, never stopping to think that grief is contagious.

A slurry of morose thoughts and words spewing all over my mind, every thought was dissonant and vicious. I fight hard for it not to escape my mouth, biting at the sordid silence that befell the kitchen. I'm dragged back from my subconscious as Mikey runs a hot cloth across my chest, forcing me to blink after what felt like hours. I realise, suddenly that they all know what I've done.

"Gerard please.." Frank bemoans, a crack in his voice as he comes closer. I hide my embarrassment and regret, parting my lips to speak before Mikey cuts me off. "I'm a lot of things Gerard but unobservant isn't one of them" He huffs, keeping his gaze low, still wiping the blood from my beaten body.