Diary of a Dirty Cowboy

Chapter Five

June 25th, 2005

Dear Jesse,

I headed down to the Cineplex last night to get out of the heat. I saw the new Batman flick. It was great. You would've loved it.

It was date night, so everybody was making out in the back rows. I sat behind Lorelei and that asshole, Tommy Francis.

He tried all evening to get his hands under her blouse, but she wasn't having it.

She crossed her legs real tight and put her arms over her breasts like a shield. When he tried to kiss her neck, she hissed at him.

I guess she really wanted to see the movie, and there was Tommy, making an ass out of himself pawing her during the picture.

She finally had enough and dumped her jumbo soda right in his lap.

He went on and on, hollering like a big baby. He told her to fuck off and find her own way home, and she stormed out of there, ready to do just that.

After a few minutes, I got up and went to the car. I didn't think it was safe for her to be walking all the way out to the Buchler place in the dark. That's more than five miles from town.

I found her walking fast on Route 42, keeping her head down, ornery as a viper. I pulled alongside her real slow and offered her a ride home. I promised her I'd keep my hands to myself.

She laughed and jumped on in, easy as you please. I guess everybody knows I'm harmless.

I told her I thought Tommy was an asshole and she was better off without him anyhow.

She said she knew that, and she only went with him because it ticked off Reverend Buchler.

When we got to her house I saw her up to the porch, and her Daddy thanked me for bringing her home safe. He was pretty happy when she didn't come home with Tommy.

They invited me in for a soda and we played Monopoly on the screened-in porch. I let Lorelei beat me. I didn't have the heart to take her money.

When Reverend Buchler kept trying to hint to Lorelei that she should hook up with a nice boy like me, I could've died right there. I don't reckon he could've said anything that would make her want me less. Lorelei's never been interested in nice boys. Everyone knows that.

Ever since the ninth grade, when she tried to run off to Nashville with Jason Rocky, she's been chasing after the wild ones.

She laughed and patted me on the cheek, and it felt like she was cutting off my dick.

I don't mean any more to her than a friendly dog.

I felt pretty crappy after that, so I excused myself and drove back to the Cineplex to catch the late show.

Clay was there, making out with Savannah. I tell you, I couldn't win for losing tonight. Well, anyway, the movie was good.

Stay loose, Jesse.

* * * *

July 2nd, 2005

Dear Jesse,

They had the liberty parade today down Main Street. The local businesses all had corny homemade floats on flatbed trucks or old-timey convertibles decked out with red, white, and blue streamers and flags, driving with their wives all gussied up and throwing candy to the crowd. The veterans were marching, squeezed into uniforms three sizes too small, and the 4-H club kids were riding ponies and walking their goats. One girl even had a rooster on a leash, with a little flag cape tied around his neck!

All the neighborhood kids were there with red and blue streamers tied to their bikes and wagons, and everybody's dog was covered up with stupid paper hats and scarves like Uncle Sam.

It was great. I got a funnel cake piled with fresh strawberries and sat on the grass beside Mama. She always takes the lawn chairs down and gets us front row seats early.

You could've knocked me over with a feather when Lorelei came and sat down beside me.

She had a great big corndog slop-covered with yellow mustard and a liter bottle of Pepsi-Cola. She threw a handful of salted peanuts in it and offered me a swig.

I never had Pepsi-Cola with peanuts in it, but I wasn't gonna say no. It was pretty damn good!

Her sister Bonnie was marching in the parade with the drill team, in front of the high school band. Glory was on the State float with the rest of her squad, throwing candy at everybody.

I hardly noticed anything after Lorelei sat down.

I was watching her out of the corner of my eye, working on that corndog. She had on short red shorts and a red, white, and blue bikini top, just like a flag. Only I never saw a flag look that good before.

I could stand at attention for that flag in more ways than one!

She licked the mustard off the corndog so it wouldn't drip on her shorts.

I think she caught me watching once, but she didn't let on.

She just kept licking and nibbling on it, like a hard dick on a stick.

It was pure agony, watching her, without being able to touch her. I was wearing swim trunks and a T-shirt, but I was dripping sweat like I was sitting in a sauna.

It was the tasty freeze all over again, Jesse. She tortured me with that thing. Long licks, short licks, tiny nibbles, then great big bites, like she'd never get enough.

When she swallowed the last of that corndog, I just about exploded, right there in the street.

She grabbed the Pepsi out of my hand and took a big swig, and I had to look around real quick to find something to cover up my Johnson.

Luckily, I still had the funnel cake.

She grinned and nicked some strawberry topping with her fingers, then licked them clean.

I smiled and acted like nothing was bothering me, just as cool as you please. You would've been proud, at least for a minute.

When I tore off a hunk of funnel cake and got ready to eat it, she leaned over real quick and snatched it, along with the tips of my fingers, and pulled them in her mouth.

Man, oh man. When her hot lips closed around my fingers, the heat went straight to my tool.

I could hardly see straight, but I knew I had to get out of there before I did something really stupid.

I don't remember what I said—something about the peanuts in the Pepsi Cola making me sick or something—but I high-tailed it out over there quicker'n a jackrabbit. I pushed the rest of the funnel cake at her and ran like the devil was on my heels over to the public restrooms at the Tasty Freeze.

Jasper was working the counter, thank God. He didn't say anything about me locking the bathroom door. Abner would've had a fit.

I never jerked off in a public bathroom before, but I couldn't help it. It was so stiff it almost hurt, and I shot off in about ten seconds! I made a mess, but I cleaned it up so Jasper wouldn't bitch about it.

I'm going to the fireworks tonight at the lake, but hell, I've already seen 'em in broad daylight.

Stay loose, Jesse.

* * * *