Marvel: Reader Inserts

If I Can't Love Her ~ Logan's Version ~ Logan Howlett x Reader

"And in my twisted face

There's not the slightest trace

Of anything that even hints of kindness

And from my tortured shape

No comfort, no escape

I see, but deep within is utter blindness."

It was the fifth night in a row. You knew where Logan was. He spent more time at the local bar than home anymore. Most of the time you would cry yourself to sleep before he got home and then he was gone before you could fully wake.

Tonight was different. Tonight, you had had enough. A bag was already packed by the door, incase this conversation—confrontation didn't go how you wished it would. But deep down, you knew the truth.

"Hopeless

As my dream dies

As the time flies

Love, a lost illusion

Helpless

Unforgiven

Cold and driven

To this sad conclusion."

"I'm done, Logan."

Your words felt like poison in your mouth. Logan was standing near the door, had been since he arrived and the two of you immediately go into it. Tears were pouring down your cheeks. Logan couldn't look you in the eye until those words left your mouth.

"You clearly don't want this," you continued, voice shaking. "So, I'm done."

Logan kept quiet. His hands clenched into fists as his claws threatened to poke out of his knuckles. You moved over to the door and slung your bag over your shoulder.

"Is this what you really want?" His voice was so rough and quiet, you would have missed it if you weren't standing so close.

You met his gaze, noticing that his eyes were watering. "It's never been what I wanted," you replied. "It's your choices that let us here." Then you stepped past him and walked out the door.

"No beauty could move me

No goodness improve me

No power on earth

If I can't love her

No passion could reach me

No lesson could teach me

How I could have loved her

And make her love me too

If I can't love her, then who?"

Logan went to the bar every night. He couldn't allow himself to sleep, especially in the apartment. He only dreamed of you. All his regrets. All his hopes and dreams that he wanted with you, but was too scared to take that leap. Logan knew that it was all his fault. It always was. He was a monster. A disaster. Undeserving of the love you always gave him so freely.

The Wolverine became more reckless on missions, bringing concern to his teammates.

"I'm sorry, Logan," The Professor said. He had pulled Logan aside to speak with him about the concerns in private. "Until you prove less reckless, you are benched from missions."

"It's fine," Logan's voice was hollow, had been since you walked out. "I'm done."

"Logan—"

"Goodbye, Charles."

"Long ago I should have seen

All the things I could have been

Careless and unthinking, I moved onward."

It was two years later when he saw you again. You were walking on the other side of the street. He immediately froze at the sight of you. You were still as beautiful as the day he lost you. Maybe even more so since there was a smile on your face. It was pure and stress free. Your laughter echoed in his ears, breaking his heart. You were laughing at something the man with you said. You were hanging off his arm. Logan's breath caught at the sparkle of the diamond that shone from your left hand.

You were happy. You were engaged or married. You were in love and you were loved. And it wasn't Logan. It wasn't him who was making you laugh and smile like he used to. It wasn't Logan who placed that ring on your finger. Though it should have been. If only he wasn't constantly getting in the way of his own happiness.

Seeing you happy with someone that wasn't Logan, brought a deeper pain to him than he had ever known before.

"No pain could be deeper

No life could be cheaper

No point anymore

If I can't love her

No spirit could win me

No hope left within me

Hope I could have loved her

And that she'd set me free

But it's not to be

If I can't love her

Let the world be done with me."

Logan stayed in his stop as he watched you disappear down the street with the man, completely unaware of who was watching you. As soon as you were out of his sight and your smell couldn't be picked up by his nose, Logan headed in the opposite direction. He didn't know or care where, he knew he just needed to leave. To be alone. Because if he couldn't love you, then his life was pointless.