Snapshots of a life, lived

Complicated

Author's Note: This is just chock full of things I don't usually write, so go easy on me. It gets like. .5% spicy.

Mia knew she had an unhealthy relationship with sex. Dysfunctional, one might say. She'd used it for years to keep Reece cooperative. It was easy to pick up a woman or two when she felt like everything was falling apart. And if nothing else Deliah was always happy to join her for a freaky weekend. She never had to look far for a distraction.

But things were different now. Charlotte was different. She wasn't Deliah. She wasn't a one-night stand. She wasn't someone Mia wanted to control. She was everything Mia didn't deserve — sweet, kind, innocent, but also mischievous in an endearing way. A shining light in the darkness of Mia's world. The sun that lit up the shadows. And Mia loved her so much that sometimes it hurt. Because she would never be good enough for this perfect woman. But Charlotte wanted her anyway. And she would not mess it up.

She let Charlotte control how fast they went, because Mia had no sense of what was too much or too fast. Trusting everything to another person scared the hell out of her, but messing up the one good thing in her life would be so much worse. They had agreed to take it slow, and Charlotte was okay with long distance and phone calls — which was great for Mia because she needed to get away after months of living in town, near Roger, doing his bidding. To get away from Reece and Autumn and the memories, good and bad. That was another issue she wouldn't be addressing any time soon. Into the box it went with everything else.

What Mia hadn't expected was that sweet, innocent Charlotte could also be pushy. It shouldn't have been surprising — she had two children, after all. They didn't appear out of nowhere. But this was Charlotte's first relationship in twelve years and first with a woman. Mia had expected more shyness. Maybe some anxiety.

She had definitely not expected Charlotte to start getting handsy one night while they were making out. "Ooooh, someone's getting pushy," Mia murmured against her lips, smiling. "Are you sure about this, sweetheart?"

Charlotte pulled away to look at her, exasperated. "Mia you know I'm not a child, right?"

"Of course I do."

"Good." Charlotte leaned in to whisper in her ear. "Then stop treating me like one and kiss me."

If Mia hadn't been turned on before, she certainly was now.

Mia would admit that she didn't know what to expect from her first time with Charlotte. She knew Charlotte had never been with a woman before and would probably need some guidance. If she wanted to reciprocate at all — and if she didn't that was fine. Mia just wanted her to be happy.

Charlotte, as it turned out, did want to reciprocate; it was a bit clumsy, but slow and sweet and loving in a way Mia had never experienced. She didn't realize she was crying until Charlotte looked at her and panicked.

"What's wrong? I didn't hurt you, did I?"

Mia shook her head silently and hid her face in Charlotte's shoulder. Charlotte quickly rearranged things to wrap them up in the blanket and held Mia through the emotions.

Crying after her first time with Charlotte definitely should have been clue that Mia had some complicated feelings about sex. She put that in the box as well.

* * * * *

One of the things Mia loved about Charlotte was her willingness and eagerness. Being with her was amazing no matter what, but Charlotte was well aware of Mia's more... experienced past. So Charlotte started reading trashy romance novels to get more ideas, and would always suggest something she thought was interesting. It was so like her to study. Absolutely adorable. And Mia did admire her enthusiasm.