I don't Love you anymore by Rithvik singh

part 12

Unrequited love is painful, but sometimes you make the pain grow deeper by not accepting that there are thousands of stars in the universe, but some stars just aren't yours to wish upon.

Healing isn't about love as much as learning to deal with the absence of it.

There's so much learning that takes place because of leaving. But there's so much loving one has to do before finally learning to leave.

Waking up without you kills the sun in my soul.

Only darkness is here to embrace me in your absence, please come back home?

S

ometimes, reminders of lost love would pelt you like a sudden downpour, and it would become tough to hold yourself together. In such times, you'll learn how even the most beautiful memories can grip you by the throat and strangle you, but you can still hold onto hope and go on to live because you're stronger than you think.

- note to self

I've gotten better at saying goodbye ever since you left. Funny how someone who didn't have feelings for you can make you stop feeling too deeply for anyone ever again. Funny how someone you didn't want to let go of taught you how to be okay with watching people leave.

You're so used to their presence that, despite knowing it's been months since they told you they don't love you anymore, you wake up in the middle of the night hoping to find them sleeping next to you.

You miss their arm around your waist. It's been a while since they've pulled you closer to themselves, but you've never allowed your heart to be pulled away from them. You're not used to dreams anymore because sleeping without them is a nightmare nobody prepared you for. You want them to reach out to you, but you know they've moved on. You want them to see the love dying to slip through your fingertips and fall into their heart. You want them to know that every night hurts a little more than the previous one, and you don't know how many more nights you can afford to spend without them before it hurts too much to survive. What nobody tells you is that when you've to let go of someone you still have so much love for, it kills you from the inside.

I may never find the kind of love you offered to me, but I hope I find the kind of love I've always dreamt of having the kind of love that was too much for you to give me. The kind of love that's greater than a bird's love for her wings. The kind of love that transcends everything you were too scared of. The kind of love that doesn't leave you yearning for more but ensures you've got a wide smile on your face every day. You told me that you loved me, but you couldn't ever love me the way I deserve to be loved. My heart can't belong to you if you choose to make it feel heavy on some days and lighter on others. My heart can't bloom in places where storms seldom stop and the sun shines only when it's convenient. I've got a heart that bas loved gentleness for too long to settle for a love that makes me feel heavy

I'm afraid there was never space in your heart reserved for me.

There was just space,

and you'd be okay with anybody else staying there, too.

Whenever I've fallen in love, it's been one-sided. I've dated people. I've lived with them. I've spent Valentine's Day with them and taken trips with them. But whenever I've fallen in love with them, it's been one-sided. I've got the habit of always feeling more than the other person. I author my own pain by always giving out more than I ever receive.

*****