The Paleys (1921-1927) - An Alternate Romanov Story

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Natalia, June 1924

Natalia didn't hear from Serge Lifar until after the Olympics. Only then did she learn that Sergei Diaghilev hadn't been impressed with Serge's performances during the Winter season and had sent him to Milan to refine his craft with some of the best teachers in the business. Now, Serge was back in Paris, preparing to rehearse for a new production.

She discovered all this from a letter that arrived unexpectedly one morning, just a few days after her parents and Vladimir had returned to Russia. The moment she spotted Serge's name in the pile of letters on her desk, her heart nearly leapt out of her chest. It had been nearly seven months since they had last seen each other at her birthday ball, and she assumed he'd forgotten everything about her. After all, what reason would someone as talented and captivating as Serge have to remember a minor Russian princess in a city overflowing with royalty, aristocrats, and artists?

And yet, here she was, clutching his letter, reading how difficult it had been for him to leave Paris and return to his lessons when he believed he was ready to start his career. He had confided in her—her!—despite their having exchanged only a few words on the rare occasions they had met. Could she have made a greater impression on him than she had dared hope? The thought sent a delightful shiver down her spine, and she couldn't help pressing the letter to her chest as she smiled broadly. After the discouragement she had felt over her disastrous encounters with Nicholas, this was exactly the boost her confidence needed.

At the end of the letter, Serge invited her to the theatre to watch the rehearsals, which took place every afternoon. If Tata had still been in Paris, Natalia would have rushed there that very day. But Irina and Feodor were now staying at the house, and Natalia knew Irina wouldn't be up for such an outing.

Irina was exhausted and overwhelmed with Michael, who was becoming a fussy baby. He struggled with tummy troubles and hardly slept, either at night or during the day. Feodor repeatedly encouraged her to rely more on the nanny they had hired for precisely such demanding tasks, but Irina insisted on doing almost everything herself. Natalia, who had never had a particular fondness for babies—and knew Irina hadn't either—had expected her sister to be a more relaxed mother. But she couldn't have been more wrong.

Irina had developed such an intense sense of care and protectiveness for her baby that she refused to leave him alone with the nanny at night. Knowing Michael was suffering from colic, she insisted on being by his side, offering comfort in any way she could.

Feodor, who was naturally averse to conflict—especially while living under someone else's roof—seemed at a loss over how to handle the situation. He adored his son and was far more hands-on than most fathers, yet one evening, he confided in Natalia that he felt as though he had lost Irina.

"I can't even remember the last time we had a proper conversation or were alone in the same room," he admitted one afternoon, his expression weary as he cradled Michael. Irina had reluctantly agreed to take a nap, giving him a rare moment of quiet with his son.

"The midwife said it's normal in the first few weeks," he continued. "That mothers form a strong bond with their babies, and the lack of sleep only makes things harder. But I wasn't expecting it to be this hard."

Natalia had tried her best to cheer Feodor up, but there wasn't much she could do. She didn't know the first thing about babies or what mothers went through when they had them. In truth, she hoped to stay as far away from that world as possible for a very long time. She had never been particularly maternal, and watching her sister struggle with exhaustion and the unrelenting demands of a newborn who rarely stopped crying only strengthened her resolve.

After spending a couple of days deliberating on how to broach the subject with Irina and Feodor, Natalia decided it was time to gather her courage. She armed herself with her best arguments—and the comforting fact that Michael had spent the night feeling a little better—and approached them after breakfast.