I don't know what's going on (Bonten x F!reader)

14 (edited)

I hope I didn't use this song in another chapter, btw I'm probably going to edit a few chapters and infos in this fanfic. I feel like it's rushed and too fast paced.

You've been thinking about nothing in particular.

At least that's what you're telling yourself, but you know you're lying. Your mind keeps drifting back to the moments when your hand held the P99, the many times your index finger hovered over the trigger, and the many times you actually pulled it. The bullet shooting out of the mouth of the P99, straight into the head of your victim, or the chest, throat, or somewhere in the stomach.

You can kill without a second thought, but the guilt comes after, eating at you. Sometimes you think you see your victims staring at you, but you know they aren't really there.

Your mind also drifts to the one moment with Ran. It was in an abandoned garage. The walls were covered in mold or cracks, and the light was a harsh, ugly white, the kind that makes everything look cold instead of warm.

You remember the many dead bodies lying in front of you. Some were sprawled on the ground, blood pooling around them; others were slumped against the wall, leaving a heavy trail of their own blood.

You were sitting against the wall, mostly covered in blood. Not your own, no.

You were scared, so disgusted by your actions that you threw up at one point. You stared into the eyes of a dead woman, ignoring the cleaning staff of Bonten as they dragged the bodies away, scrubbing the blood, and your vomit, in the corner.

Ran had walked up to your sitting form. He ordered the cleaning staff to continue their work.

The mission had gone south, and you had ended up in the middle of a massacre. One you caused with your very own hands.

He didn't speak at first, just observed you, a faint crease forming between his brows. The lighthearted smirk that usually adorned his face, replaced by something else.

Concern, perhaps.

"You're gonna break like that, you know," he said, his tone lighter than the worry in his eyes. When you didn't immediately respond, he stepped closer, slipping his hands into his pockets. "[Name], you listening?"

"Yes. I'm listening," you murmured, now staring at the empty ground where the dead woman once laid. Your voice was quiet and devoid of any emotion, and your eyes looked darker than their usual color.

"[Name]," he began, his voice quieter now, almost a murmur. "Life's too short to be all work and no living."

You stayed silent. He continued.

"I've seen too many good men go down, too many lives cut short. You keep running yourself into the ground like this, and where's it gonna get you?" His voice dropped to something more genuine. "You gotta grab happiness where you can find it, even if it's just for a moment."

For once, there was no teasing in his voice, no flirting. Just pure honesty.

"The only one I have is Rindou. As much as I didn't want him to take the same route as me, I couldn't entirely stop him. That guy follows me everywhere I go, ever since we were little." Ran didn't look at you. He was scanning the garage, specifically watching one subordinate cleaning your vomit and leaving the spot gleaming.

You weren't reactive, at all. You sat on the ground, motionless, but you were listening.

"It's not your first time doing this, I know. But I see the way it's affecting you. Even if you think no one pays attention, I do." Ran stated, a strand of his purple and black gelled-back hair falling in front of his forehead.

He stepped in front of you, his legs blocking the view of the ground. He bent down slightly and reached one hand out to you, the other resting in his pocket. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up. You'll probably have to explain to Mikey."

After a moment of utter silence, you reached out with one hand. He immediately grabbed it and pulled you up.

Back to the Present.

You awoke in a cold sweat, your neck and back uncomfortably tense. No wonder, you were sleeping on a couch.

You look around the dark room in slight confusion, only to remember that you're at Draken's apartment.

‚Right,' you think as you stare at your hands in your lap, the blanket covering them. ‚I asked if I could stay.'

Your eyes drift over to the clock, the remnants of your 'dream' already fading into the back of your mind.

3:48 AM.

You glance at the table, only to realize you left your phone at home.

‚Fuck.'

Slowly, panic begins to bubble up in your chest. The possibilities of any of the executives, or Mikey, having tried to call or text you are high. Not so high for Mikey, but definitely for the others.

You slowly get up, folding the blanket and placing the pillow on top of it on the couch. You wince slightly at the tension in your neck and back, but it's your own fault. Draken had offered you the bed many times, but you declined.

You quietly and slowly get ready, putting on your jacket and shoes, then grabbing your keys from the coffee table.

Just as you're about to grab the door handle, a voice stops you in your tracks. "Where're you goin?"

You look over your shoulder to see a sleepy Draken in a tank top and pajamas. "Work," you simply explain.

He sighs, his worry for you still evident after you confirmed you're working for Bonten. "[Name], just... be careful, aight?"

You nod, muttering, "Bye," before unlocking the door and walking out of his apartment and the building. Outside, you start running toward home, taking strange routes to get there because you had to move because of Hakari.

,That bastard just had to be there!' you scream in your head.

As you arrive at your apartment, it's dark, everything just as you left it. Your cat is up for some reason, he always is at night.

‚Poor baby was probably wondering where I was,' you think as you take off your jacket and shoes, placing your keys on the counter.

You reach down for Paddy, lifting him into your arms as he starts purring and meowing. ‚So talkative'

Suddenly, the lights turn on, startling you. Instinctively, you reach for the P99 in your pocket, pointing it at the person standing in the doorway of your bedroom. Paddy is a bit startled, too, by your quick movements. His ears flatten, and he looks at the person with wide eyes.

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I just cut the last part out, i really have a writers block for this fic😭