On the Edge of Love (CarlxAlan)

Chapter 8: Alan

The rain was freezing, soaking through my hoodie, dripping from my hair. I barely noticed.

Carl's lips were on mine.

It wasn't desperate or rough—just soft, uncertain, like he was as shocked as I was. Like he was testing the waters, waiting for me to pull away.

I didn't.

For a split second, I kissed him back. My hands twitched at my sides, every nerve in my body on high alert, my mind scrambling to catch up to what was happening. His lips were cold, damp from the rain, but there was warmth beneath it, something deep and unfamiliar and terrifying.

Then reality crashed back in.

I jerked away, breathless. My back hit the side of my truck, hands gripping the edge like it was the only thing keeping me upright.

"Carl," I started, my voice hoarse, but I didn't even know what I was trying to say.

He took a half-step back, his face unreadable in the dim glow of the streetlights. Water dripped from his hair, clinging to his eyelashes. He didn't look upset, just... waiting.

I ran a hand through my wet hair, trying to force my brain to work. "What—" I exhaled sharply, shaking my head. "What was that?"

Carl swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing. "I don't know." His voice was steady, but his fingers twitched at his sides, like he wanted to reach for me but wasn't sure if he should. "I just—Alan, I've been thinking about this for a while."

My stomach twisted. "Thinking about what?"

He exhaled, frustrated. "Us."

The word sent a jolt through me.

There was no us.

There was Carl, my best friend since middle school. The kid who used to trade me pudding cups at lunch, who spent entire summers at my house playing video games until my mom made us go outside. The guy I knew better than anyone.

And then there was whatever the hell just happened.

Carl kissed me.

And worse—I kissed him back.

I sucked in a shaky breath. "Carl, I—I just broke up with Alli."

"I know."

"I'm not—" I cut myself off, clenching my jaw. My pulse was pounding in my ears, so loud I almost couldn't hear the steady drip, drip, drip of the rain around us. "I'm not sure what I want right now."

Carl was quiet for a second. Then he nodded, like he expected that. "Okay."

That threw me. "Okay?"

He gave me a small, almost sad smile. "You don't have to figure it out tonight."

I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding. The tension in my chest loosened just a little, but the storm in my head didn't calm. I felt like I was on the edge of something, but I didn't know if I was ready to step off.

Carl rubbed the back of his neck, glancing toward the parking lot. "We should probably get out of the rain."

I nodded, grateful for the out. Without another word, we climbed into my truck, slamming the doors against the cold. The silence between us was thick as I turned the key in the ignition, the heater blasting warm air over our soaked clothes.

I didn't know what to say.

Carl didn't push.

The drive to his house was quiet, the only sound the soft patter of rain against the windshield. My hands gripped the wheel tighter than necessary, my knuckles white. Every once in a while, I could feel Carl looking at me, but I kept my eyes on the road.

I pulled up in front of his house and put the truck in park, my stomach twisting with something I couldn't name.

Carl shifted in his seat. "Alan, I meant what I said. You don't have to have an answer right now."

I finally looked at him. His expression was open, patient. He wasn't pushing, wasn't asking for anything I wasn't ready to give.

"I don't want to lose you," I admitted, my voice quieter than I meant it to be.

"You won't," he said simply.

I wanted to believe that.

I exhaled and nodded, gripping the steering wheel like it might ground me. "I just... need time."

Carl nodded like he understood. "We can just be friends," he said. "Like always."

Something in my chest ached at that. I wasn't sure if it was relief or disappointment.

He hesitated, like he wanted to say something else, but instead, he reached for the door handle. "Night, Alan."

"Night."

He climbed out, shutting the door behind him, and jogged up the front steps. He paused before going inside, glancing back at me through the rain. I didn't know what he was thinking. I wasn't sure I wanted to.

Then he disappeared inside.

I sat there for a long time, staring at the steering wheel. My mind was still spinning, trying to process everything that had happened.

Carl kissed me.

And for a second, I wanted him to.

I ran a hand over my face, exhaling shakily. My whole life, I thought I knew who I was. What I wanted.

Now?

Now I wasn't sure of anything.

With a sigh, I put the truck in drive and headed home, my thoughts tangled in ways I didn't know how to unravel.