On the Edge of Love (CarlxAlan)

Chapter 26: Carl

By the time the last bell rang, the rumor had fully settled over the school like dust. It wasn't loud or chaotic. It was quiet. Slippery. The kind of thing you could feel more than hear—people glancing up when you walked into a room, leaning toward each other with lowered voices.

I didn't even need to hear what they were saying. I knew.

Alan and I didn't talk much on the walk to the parking lot. Not because we were mad—just tired. Or maybe we didn't know what to say yet. He kept his head low, one hand in his pocket and the other loosely holding the strap of his backpack, and I didn't push.

When we got to my truck, I unlocked it and we slid in. Alan exhaled, leaning his head back against the seat.

"Wanna come over?" I asked.

He nodded without looking at me. "Yeah."

We sat on my bedroom floor with the window cracked open and a bag of chips between us. Music played quietly from my speaker—some lo-fi thing I barely noticed.

Alan tapped his fingers on the carpet, like his brain wouldn't stop moving even if the rest of him wanted to be still. I could tell he was still chewing on everything. So was I.

"I know today sucked," I said quietly.

Alan gave a soft laugh under his breath. "Understatement of the year."

"Yeah."

We sat for a second longer.

I didn't really mean to say it, but it came out anyway. "Sometimes I wish we didn't have to hide so much."

Alan looked up, eyes flicking to mine. "Carl..."

"I'm not saying I want to announce it on the intercom," I added quickly. "It's just... I don't know. I keep thinking about how we are when it's just us. Like that night, the party, Elie's room—how normal that felt. How right. Then we go to school and pretend we're just friends."

His face softened a little.

I wasn't trying to make him feel guilty. I wasn't upset—I just wanted him to understand how it felt for me.

"I'm not mad," I said. "Really, I'm not. I know this isn't easy. And I know we said we'd keep things quiet. I just think I didn't realize how much it would get to me."

Alan didn't respond right away. He stared at the carpet, brows knit like he was working through something he didn't have the words for yet.

Finally, he said, "I'm scared."

I nodded. "I know."

"I don't even know what people would say. What our friends would say. My dad." He swallowed. "It's easier to ignore it. Or pretend it's not real when other people are around."

I sat back against the edge of my bed, pulling one knee up to my chest. "I get that. I'm scared too."

He looked up, like that surprised him.

"I mean, I haven't exactly been broadcasting this either," I said. "But part of me keeps wishing I could just... not think so much about it all the time. Just be with you and not care who sees."

Alan nodded slowly. "That sounds really nice."

A small silence passed between us, comfortable this time. The kind that made me feel like we were on the same side, even if we were both still figuring it all out.

"I don't want you to think I don't care," Alan said. "You matter so much to me. This—" He gestured between us, eyes flicking up. "This matters. I'm just... still learning how to handle it."

"I know," I said gently. "And I'm not asking you to rush it. Just... be honest with me when you're scared, okay? Don't try to hide it."

"I won't."

We sat like that for a while, legs stretched out on the floor, the half-empty chip bag forgotten between us. Outside, the sky was turning gold at the edges.

Alan leaned back on his hands and looked over at me. "You think people will get bored and move on?"

"Probably," I said. "High school's a goldfish. People forget fast."

He smiled, just a little. "Guess we'll see."