On the Edge of Love (CarlxAlan)

Chapter 14: Carl

Keeping a secret was easy.

At least, that's what I told myself.

I'd been keeping things to myself for years—crushing on Alan, wondering if he'd ever look at me the way I looked at him, trying to shove those feelings down every time I thought I was being obvious. Compared to that, this should've been simple.

Except it wasn't.

Because now, Alan actually liked me back.

Now, I knew what his hand felt like on mine, what his voice sounded like when he admitted he wanted this but wasn't ready for anyone to know.

And now, we had to figure out how to exist in this weird, unspoken space between friendship and something more.

I didn't mind waiting—I meant it when I said I would. But that didn't mean it wasn't confusing.

I had no idea how to act around him now.

The first real test was school.

Monday morning, I walked into the hallway feeling like I had a neon sign above my head flashing ALAN KISSED ME AND I HAVE A BOYFRIEND NOW.

Okay, maybe boyfriend was a strong word. We hadn't defined anything.

But he liked me. He wanted this. That had to count for something.

Alan was already at his locker when I spotted him. My stomach did a weird little flip, and for a second, I thought about walking right up to him, nudging his shoulder, doing something to let him know I was here, and we were us now.

Then I remembered—we're not us in public.

So I hesitated.

And in that moment, Alan turned his head and saw me.

His expression barely changed, but I noticed the flicker of something in his eyes—relief, maybe?

But he didn't move toward me. He didn't smile.

He just gave me the smallest nod before turning back to his locker, like we were just normal friends, like nothing had changed.

And maybe for everyone else, it hadn't.

But for me, it had.

By lunch, I had gotten used to the fact that Alan and I weren't acting any different at school. We sat at the same table, joked around with the same people, and had the same conversations.

But underneath all of it, there was something else.

Something just for us.

I noticed the way Alan's knee brushed mine under the table. The way he stole a glance at me when he thought no one was looking. The way his fingers tapped against his water bottle like he wanted to reach for my hand but stopped himself.

It was subtle. Barely anything at all.

But I felt it.

I wondered if he felt it too.

After school, we ended up at Alan's house.

I wasn't sure if we were supposed to, but neither of us said anything about it. It just happened—like we had spent so much time hanging out before all of this that it didn't feel weird to do it now.

Except it was a little weird.

Because now, there were all these rules that neither of us had said out loud, but we were both following.

His mom was home, so we sat on opposite sides of the couch.

When we played video games, we didn't trash talk as much because it meant we had to look at each other, and looking at each other made it real.

When his mom left the room, Alan shifted just slightly closer to me, but when she came back, he moved away again.

And I tried not to let that hurt.

Later, when we went up to his room, things finally felt normal.

His room had always been comfortable for me—like a second home. I didn't have to think about where to sit or what to say.

Alan flopped onto his bed, sighing dramatically. "I don't wanna do my history homework."

I smirked, sitting at his desk. "You never want to do your history homework."

He rolled onto his side, propping himself up on his elbow. "Yeah, but I especially don't wanna do it today."

"Because you're lazy?"

"Because it's boring," he corrected, narrowing his eyes at me like that was somehow better.

I laughed, shaking my head.

And just like that, things were okay.

We were us again.

Not us in public, not the quiet tension in the hallway, not the distance at lunch. Just Carl and Alan, the way we had always been—except now, it meant more.

That should've made it harder, but somehow, it didn't.

Alan sat up a little, running a hand through his hair. "This is so weird."

I tilted my head. "What is?"

He gestured vaguely between us. "This. Like, I don't know what we're supposed to be doing."

I smiled a little. "I don't think there's a rulebook."

Alan huffed. "There should be. 'How to Date Your Best Friend Without Making It Super Weird.'"

I snorted. "I think we're failing that class already."

He groaned and flopped back down onto the bed. "Ugh."

I let the silence settle for a moment. Then, quieter, I said, "You know we don't have to figure it out all at once, right?"

Alan didn't say anything right away. Then, "I know that. I just... I don't want to mess this up."

I bit my lip, hesitating. Then I got up from the desk and sat down next to him on the bed, close enough that our arms brushed. "Then we won't."

Alan turned his head to look at me.

His eyes flickered down to my mouth, just for a second, and my heart stopped.

I knew he wasn't going to do anything. We weren't going to do anything.

But the moment was there.

He swallowed, his voice quieter when he said, "It's gonna be hard not to—" He cut himself off, like he didn't know how to finish that sentence.

I knew what he meant.

It was going to be hard not to touch. Not to let ourselves be something more when we were alone like this.

I nudged his knee with mine, trying to lighten the mood. "You mean it's gonna be hard to resist me?"

Alan scoffed. "Shut up." But there was the smallest smile at the corner of his lips.

We stayed like that for a few more minutes, just sitting there, figuring it out in our own quiet way.

And I realized something.

Maybe this wasn't easy. Maybe there were rules we had to follow now, lines we couldn't cross in public.

But at the end of the day, it was still us.