Siriusly Love (A Sirius Black Love Story) {ON HOLD}

Sirius: I'm Just Confused

"Sirius?" Sirius felt something poke his shoulder. He opened one eye and peered grumpily at the person who had woken him up.

"James, you git." Sirius muttered as James's grinning face stepped into his line of vision. He heaved himself out of bed, his own bed.

They had been let out of the hospital wing weeks ago. James had been the same old James, making jokes and mooning over Lily Evans. Sirius, on the other hand, was rather different.

He smiled less often, and he no longer ate like a pig. He sassed teachers much less frequently (though rather that was a good or a bad thing was yet to be said) and barely laughed at anyone's jokes anymore. The last full moon, he hadn't looked like he was having as much fun as previous times.

"It's not because of what Lily said, is it, mate?" James had asked one day, rather anxiously. "Because she's sorry, really, she is!" He added after Sirius shot him an incredulous look.

Many others had assumed the same thing, that Sirius Black had taken what Lily Evans said to heart, but that wasn't the case at all.

It was because, while everyone talked about their exciting Christmas plans, Sirius was forced to accept that he would be heading home, back to his awful parents and his snobby brother, and worse, his good-for-nothing house elf.

On the last day before term ended, while he was sitting in Transfiguration class, McGongall started talking to him.

"Black!" She barked. Sirius looked up from his paper. "Yeah, Professor?"
"Please stop scribbling with your quill on the desk!"

Sirius cocked an eyebrow. "Er...I wasn't doing that, Professor."

"You weren't?" Professor McGonagall sounded surprised. Sirius shook his head as James let out a little snicker.

"Well who can tell, with that hair? Covering up whatever you're doing!" Said McGonagall.

For one beautiful moment, Sirius was tempted to say: "Are you hitting on me, professor? Taking a fancy to me?"

But, instead, he shrugged. James looked rather disappointed, and, to Sirius's utter bewilderment, so did Professor McGonagall.

The rest of the class went by silently. When it came time or everyone to turn in their papers and leave class, Sirius packed up just like everyone else and brought his paper up to Professor McGonagall's desk.

"Can I have a word with you, Black?" She asked. Sirius shrugged again and stepped off to the side. As he passed Professor McGonagall, he could have sworn that her face grew more disappointed...and there was something else there...worry?

Once the classroom had emptied, Professor McGonagall jerked her head in the direction of a desk in the front row. Sirius sat down, but he did not kick his feet up on the desk like he usually did.

"What is wrong with you, Black?" Professor McGonagall snapped. Sirius raised his eyebrows. "What's 'wrong' with me, Professor?" He asked. Professor McGonagall looked like she had realized how Sirius had taken the question.

"Black, you know very well that that's not what I meant." She said briskly. Sirius looked up at the ceiling and crossed his arms, not really sure why Professor McGonagall was bringing this up. 

"What's got you down, Sirius?" McGonagall's voice suddenly became less brisk and a little softer.

Sirius leaned forward and rested his chin on his hands. "I've got to go back to that ruddy house for Christmas, Professor." He said quietly. Professor McGonagall looked confused. "And why is that a bad thing? Don't you go back there every year."

Sirius narrowed his eyes. "That doesn't mean I enjoy it."
"Well, why not."
"You don't live there! What would you understand?"
"Sirius-"
"THAT BLOODY HOUSE ELF MUTTERING ABOUT WHAT A DISGRACE I AM-"
"Sirius-"
"AND MY MOTHER SNARLING AT ME EVERY TIME I WALK BY HER-"
"Sirius!"
"THEN THERE'S MY FATHER AND MY BROTHER, SMIRKING AT HOW MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THEY ARE COMPARED TO ME-"
"SIRIUS!"
"I MEAN WHY WOULD I EVEN WANT TO GO BACK TO THAT RUDDY HOUSE-"
"MR. BLACK!"
"WHAT!?"

Sirius was breathing heavily now. McGonagall was looking at him sternly, but he didn't care, why should he care? She could put him in detention, and it wouldn't make a difference. He had been in detention plenty of times.

"I don't understand why you have to go back. Can't you just stay at Hogwarts?" Professor McGonagall asked. Sirius scoffed. "We've had a row, Professor."
"Why on Earth should you have to go home because of that?"
"Because they know it's torture for me."
"But can't you just stay?"

Sirius buried his face in his hands. "Because they will find me and they will kill me. Or they'll wait 'til summer to bug me about it. Maybe they'll lock me inside and not let me go back to Hogwarts."
"I'm sure it's not that bad!"
"Are you?"

They fell silent for a moment, Sirius staring back at the ceiling and McGonagall staring at Sirius. "Do not take that tone with me, Mr. Black." Professor McGonagall warned, her voice back to its usual briskness. Sirius looked back down at her, all of his anger being replaced with exhaustion. "I'm sorry, Professor...it's just...it's frustrating." He said quietly, clenching his hands into fists.

"I'm sure it is, Mr. Black, but that doesn't give you an excuse to snap at me."

Sirius looked away again. "I guess I should finished packing, then." He said quietly...he hadn't actually started packing...but he didn't want her to know that.

"I suppose you should...maybe I can organize something for you, so you won't have to go home." Professor McGonagall assured. Sirius jumped a little in his seat. "Really?"
"I can try, Sirius."
"But why would you...I mean no offense, Professor, but why would you...care?"
"Why shouldn't I care?"

When Sirius cocked an eyebrow, Professor McGonagall sighed. "Well, Sirius, I can tell that this is taking a bit of a toll on you, and I don't like that."
"Why wouldn't you like it? I'm quieter now."

Professor McGonagall let out a hearty sigh. "I think I like you better when you've got a little life in you." She said after a moment.

After a very awkward pause, Professor McGonagall regained her usually briskness yet again.

"Now, go, Mr. Black, and pack your things. Whatever situation you're in, you should try to enjoy your time off of school."

And with that, Sirius was hurried out the door, feeling thoroughly confused, but considerably happier.