The Hidden Pain

25. Unwanted

TW - mention of self harm

Xander’s POV

As I walked towards my next class, I heard some noise coming from the classroom at the end of the hall. Normally, I wouldn't have given it a second thought, but today my instincts screamed at me to investigate. I felt an inexplicable pull to check on what was happening. Curiosity getting the better of me, I pushed open the closed classroom door. What I saw made my blood boil with rage.

Henry is pinned against the wall, and Bella’s all over him, her face buried in his neck, his arms tangled around her. A surge of rage detonates in my chest, blinding and hot. Thought vanishes. Reason vanishes. All I feel is fury. Before I know it, I’m charging toward them, fists clenched, heart slamming against my ribs. My vision blurs red. Henry’s eyes meet mine and he has the audacity to smirk. I didn't think. I just act. I grab them both and yank them apart. 

"Your sister’s got some skills," Henry sneers, smug as ever. Bastard. 

I grab him by the collar and drive my fist into his face. The crack of cartilage breaking beneath my knuckles is sickeningly satisfying. He crumples, and I don’t spare him another glance. 

I seize Bella’s hand and drag her out of the classroom. She’s mumbling something under her breath. I can’t make out the words. We barely make it ten steps down the hall before her knees buckle and she collapses. I caught her just in time, scooping her into my arms bridal-style. The hallway is nearly empty, but the few students lingering around are gawking. I don’t care. Let them stare. I storm out of the building, Bella limping in my arms. The security guard makes a move to stop me, but one look from me freezes him in place. He knows better. 

At my car, I gently lower Bella into the passenger seat and buckle her in. She’s still unconscious. That’s when I see them, faint marks on her neck. Hickeys. My jaw tightens until it aches. I slam the door shut, the force rattling the car. I pulled out my phone and sent a message, my fingers moving mechanically. As I started the car, the world around me seemed to fade into silence. My emotions were numb, except for the simmering rage and anger that threatened to boil over.

Memories of yesterday's trip to the arcade flooded my mind. I recalled Asher winning a plushie for Bella from the claw machine, and the pang of jealousy that had hit me. When we were kids, Bella would always come to me, her eyes shining with excitement, as I tried to win her favorite toy. I missed those moments, missed the connection we once shared.

Now, she'd grown close to our cousins, exchanging warm smiles and laughter with them. Even with some of my brothers, she was friendly and courteous. But with me? She didn't even spare a glance. The voice in my head whispered the bitter truth: it was because I'd always been a jerk to her.

I never wanted to be this way. But when Mom took Bella away from us, everything changed. I was devastated. She was only two, and Luca and I were incredibly close to her. Her absence left a gaping hole in my life.

Losing Mom and Bella at the same time made me feel vulnerable and lost. I became withdrawn and silent. I wasn't always rude and mean; circumstances had hardened me.

Dad's obsession with finding Mom and Bella took a toll on our family. He spent every waking moment searching for them, leaving Luca, my brothers, and me to fend for ourselves emotionally. As a result, we grew up struggling to express ourselves, each of us developing our own coping mechanisms.

In my desperation to make sense of it all, I unfairly blamed Bella in my mind. I needed someone to hold responsible, someone to justify the pain and anguish I felt. Deep down, I knew it wasn't her fault; she was just an innocent child.

When Alex finally found Bella, I was overwhelmed with emotions. I didn't know whether to feel happy, sad, or scared. To protect myself from getting hurt again, I chose to shut myself off, to suppress my emotions and affections towards her.