Anime One shots

Crack Chap--Cleaning and Phones

Seriously people.  Send in requests, don't be shy...  It is better to have several ideas from multiple people than a few from me.  Hope you enjoy this chapter!

"Hey~!  I'm so bored!" I whined into my phone.
"Please go bother someone else then, I have to study"
"Sorry Y/N, I have to go to work"
"I am terribly sorry, but I have a date in a few minutes"
"Maybe later, sorry" 
All of them were lies though.  The first didn't go to school anymore, the second had no job, the third was asexual and the last one wasn't doing anything.  It was always like this.  Whenever I call, they are busy.  Whenever they call, I will hang with them if I'm not.  It was always like this...  I tossed my phone onto my desk and rolled onto my back.  I stared at the ceiling as if it had the answers as of why no one liked me, unless it was a last resort.  I was so bored and alone, that my room was shining like diamonds, my carpet felt like silk and everything was organized seven times.  I looked around and then sighed.  I put my phone into my pocket and walked downstairs. 
Mother was gone, probably sleeping with another man at the cheap hotel at the end of the street.  Father was probably out drinking as well.  No one else was home, but me.  Everything was a mess.  Small blood splatters from drunk fights and small cuts were on everything.  Trash littered every room and broken glass was scattered in different places. I was bored, so I did what a reasonable human would do. Clean up all of this mess until something better comes to mind.  I scrubbed, I swept, I vacuumed, I mopped, I took out the trash and I took all the furniture out of the house.  When I looked across the street, I saw the so-called busy people in a house throwing a party...which I wasn't invited to.  My family lived in a VERY large home, which was often called a mansion by everyone in town.  Even though we had this "mansion", we never hired anyone to clean it.  My parents were rarely home anyways....always sleeping around and drinking. Once I finished cleaning the living room furniture, I put everything back into the house and even reorganized. I repeated this in every room, up until someone rang the doorbell. I walked down and opened it, only to see no one there.  I closed the door and then made my way to the stairs before it rang again.  I sighed and walked back to the door, to see it was empty once again.
"Really?  Who has no life?" A girl asked.  Oh, someone was there, just hiding behind the door.
"Excuse me?" I asked.
"You have no life!  You have sooo much money, and you don't even pay anyone to clean for you!" The girl laughed.
"Well at least my hair isn't obviously bleached, I don't dress like a complete whore, or have to worry about that terrible spray tan" I said to her before shutting the door in her face.
"Bitch!  Your clothes are obviously cheap, your hair is obviously dyed that blackish-blue and have no friends!" The girl yelled.  I ignored her as she kept yelling insults at my door.  After an hour she finally left.  I cleaned so much, the house was basically sparkling and no blood was seen anywhere. Everything was clean, and now I had nothing to do!
"Ghaaapf! What should I do?!" I spasmed all over my bed.  I looked at my phone and no one called.  I went to my desk and opened my laptop.  I decided to go to the only place that could entertain me.  The dark void that only the truly bored or adventurous go.  Omegle.  I typed in several interests and one of them were D Gray Man. Someone had popped up with that same interest, even though they didn't type it in, and it turned out to be a roleplayer as Lavi.
Lavi: Hi, I'm Lavi!
Me: Hello
Lavi: So what are some things you like?
Me: Music, drawing, D Gray Man
Lavi: What is D Gray Man?
Me: You are roleplaying as a character in it even though you don't know it?
Lavi: Well actually, I am actually named Lavi and have no clue what your talking about
Me: Oh...D Gray Man is a manga and anime series that centers around an organization against the Akuma, which are robots with the souls of the diseased and controlled by beings known as Noah. It is called the Black Order. The main characters are Allen Walker, a parasyte anti-akuma exorcist, people who work in the black order and have innocence are the ones who fight akuma and a parasyte anti-akuma weapon is basically innocence born within a human by the way, anyway Allen has an eye that helps identify Akuma hiding in dead bodies. Then his friends are Lavi, a bookman in training and also a flirtatious redhead with an eyepatch and innocence in the form of a hammer, Lenalee with boots, and Kanda Yuu, well they are more like rivals than friends
Lavi: Wow....that is a lot. I'll be right back
And with that I was once again bored. Lavi's mom or dad must be a weeb to name a child that. I went to the kitchen and grabbed a lot of food before returning to my computer. He still hasn't said anything. I opened my giant tub of Nutella and ate it with a small spoon.
Lavi: Do you have a skype?
Me: yeah
Lavi: Add me! I am LaviWithPanda!
Me: ....Panda *laughs*
I actually chuckled and added said Lavi to my contacts. He accepted it right away and then video called me! I, being a bored girl, accepted it in a teasing manner. I made my side a voice message and saw everything he did. He looked exactly like Lavi!
"Holy shit! You look exactly like Lavi!" I screamed.
"Huh? Well, I am Lavi! Bookman, this is the person I was talking about....though I don't see their face.." Lavi said. Said Panda popped up on the screen and I screamed.
"Why in the name of Wall Maria do you look exactly like D Gray Man characters?!" I screamed.
"Stupid, whoever it is, doesn't want you to see them" Panda said.
"But are they ok? I can almost see them freaking out" Lavi joked.
"Who is this?" Komui asked.
"Holy shit! Don't kill me with some fucked up robot on coffee!" I hugged my chair.
"How do they know that?" Komui asked.
"They knows things" Lavi said.
"Ok, what is your name?" Komui asked.
"...Skylar" I replied.
"Last name?" Komui asked.
"...none of your business" I replied.
"Age?" Komui asked.
"17" I replied.
"Gender?" Lavi asked.
"Ask that again and I'll send you a punch" I said.
"Skylar...17....Do you have any innocence?" Komui asked.
"How the hell could I know?!  No?  I don't know, you are fictional characters!" I panicked.
"Hm...Hehehe" Komui got a crazy look in his eyes before he ran off.
"Clean your office before making anything crazy!" I yelled.
"So...Skylar, how much do you know about us?" Allen asked.
"....Judging by your hair, you just finished getting the ark from Japan...so I know a lot, along with some other things" I replied.
"As in?" Allen asked.
"I know what you saw in the mirror" I specified.  His eye widened and then he looked around.
"What is Skylar talking about?" Lenalee asked.
"Um" Allen said.
"I know about him flexing in front of a mirror before playing the piano" I lied.
"Hahaha!  Should have known it" Lavi laughed.
"Do we have another beansprout?" Kanda asked.
"Kanda Yuu, shut up or I will find a way to burn all of your soba" I said.
"How did she know that?" Lenalee asked.
"Is no one else worried about how Skylar was panicking and now threatening us?" Lavi asked.
"Allen...be a dear and stop worrying.  You'll be fine as long as Cross isn't dead yet" I said.
"He dies?!" Everyone asked.
"How do you know I am going to die?" Cross asked.
"...I know everything and I know nothing" I panicked.
"How does he die?" Allen asked, grinning like a demon.
"Wait...are all the redheads in this show flirtatious idiots?" I asked myself.
"At least Skylar knows what you are" Kanda said, looking at Lavi.
"I thought Lavi was an idiotic, flirtatious, bunny pirate" I said.  Everyone was silent and looked at the screen, almost as if they could see me.  Allen and Lenalee broke out laughing while Lavi just looked at the screen.
"What is Allen?" Kanda asked.
"Well, to you he is a bean sprout or Moyashi.  But to me, I know what he is, and I think I know what he will become" I said.
"What am I?" Lenalee asked.
"Lenalee...You are cool!" I grinned.
"What is Cross?" Allen asked.
"A drunk, womanizer, been called a demon multiple times, rebellious, soon to be dead, and fabulous" I said.
"At least she got one thing right" Cross said.
"How is he fabulous?" Everyone asked.
"His hair is better than mine" I shrugged.
"Because of that he is fabulous?" Allen asked.
"And his strength is pretty badass, along with the innocence" I nodded.
"Who is this guy?  Or this guy?  Or her?" Lavi asked.
"That is...Choji?  And that is Kroly!  And that is Miranda, love what you did with your hair by the way.  It makes you look way prettier than when you had it up all the time" I said.
"T-Thank you" Miranda blushed.
"I am back!" Komui said, while holding a strange thing.
"I am logging off now.  I don't trust that man" I said.
"No!  Don't go!" They cried.
"....Fine, but if any of you die, not my fault" I said.
"Good!  Now, let's see if it works!" Komui laughed as he shot the screen.  My laptop turned off and I just sat for a few minutes looking at it.    After that, I closed it and went to take a shower.  I washed my hair with lemon scented soap and my body with citrus burst.  I got my pink towel on when I finished and played music as I made my way to my room.  I started dancing to the beat and went into full blown dance when the next song came on.  I put on my underwear and a baggy t-shirt when my doorbell rang.  I grabbed a pair of shorts and paused my music as I ran out.  As I hopped down the stairs, I put on my shorts and dried my hair.  The person must have been really impatient, because the bell was going off at super god speed.  I opened the door to see Allen, Kanda, Cross, Lavi, Komui, Lenalee, Miranda, Kroly, Choji, and Bookman.
"Hello!  Are you perhaps Skylar?" Komui asked.  I closed the door and locked it in his face.  I walked to every window and door, and locked them.  I even drew the curtains.
"Hey!  Why did you do that?" Lenalee asked, coming out of the chimney.
"Fuck" I said.
"Huh?" Lenalee asked.
"Bye" I said before sprinting to my room.  Sadly, her innocence boots made it so she caught up quickly and slowly dragged me down the stairs.
"Are you Skylar?" Komui repeated.
"Bitch, I might be" I said as Lenalee grabbed my arms and everyone walked in.
"...Sounds like Skylar" Lavi said. Bookman punched him in the head and he got blood all over my floor.
"I just cleaned up all the blood" I whined.
"....Sorry" Lenalee said.
"Now punch him again" I said.
"Huh?" Everyone asked.
"Punch the redhead again" I repeated.
"Why?!" Lavi asked. I looked him dead in the eyes and glared.
"Cause someone just had to get blood on my floor when I LITERALLY SPENT A WHOLE DAY CLEANING THIS FUCKING PLACE!" I yelled.
"I'll clean it up" Miranda said, grabbing a mop. Panda whacked Lavi a second time and I smiled a bit.
"Sadist" Lavi pouted.
"Ok, I am Skylar, so can you put me down?  My shoulders are killing me" I asked.
"Oh, sure" Lenalee said and lowered to the floor.
"How do you know about us?" Komui asked.
"How did you get here?" I countered.
"...Are you a guy or a girl?" Miranda asked.
"I like to be identified as a they" I replied.
"Huh?" Lavi asked.
"I am bi too, so for me, gender doesn't really matter anymore" I said.
"So you would kiss a girl or guy?" Komui asked.
"Yeah, the only difference is one has a dick and one has a vagina" I replied.
"Stay away from Lenalee!" Komui yelled, pulling out a chainsaw from literally nowhere.
"How did you do that?" I asked.
"Do what?" Komui asked.
"Pull a chainsaw out of nowhere" I replied.
"I just did..." Komui replied.
"Cool, and don't worry!  I would rather kiss Miranda!" I laughed.
"Huh?!" Miranda asked.
"What? You're pretty" I shrugged.
"Would you kiss Yuu for ten bucks?" Lavi asked.
"Hm...." I said, staring at Kanda.
"Are they actually considering it?" Allen asked.
"Yeah, for ten bucks I would kiss him" I said.
"How about Komui?" Lenalee asked.
"No, the guy is too obsessed with you" I rejected.
"How about Moyashi or Usagi?" Kanda asked.
"Yeah" I replied.
"How about me?" Cross asked.
"I can't wait for that one innocence that looks like an old dude that is actually a scary yandere that wants to absorb Allen kills you" I said.
"Huh?" Everyone asked.
"Please say that in a way we would understand" Bookman said.
"I can't wait for Apocryphos to kill Cross" I said.
"Who is Apocryphos?" Allen asked.
"A special innocence that protects the heart and wants to absorb you" I replied.
"Why?!" Allen cried.
"Don't worry, he won't actually kill you.  He'll give up while you are in hiding" I whispered to him.
"Why would I do that?" Allen asked.
"Because they are gonna try to kill you!  And that THING is gonna try to take over your mind like the little zombie you are" I replied dramatically.
"Who is hungry?" Komui asked, walking towards my kitchen.
"Bitch, you try and steal any of my food, and you will have to travel from hell to even catch a glimpse of Lenalee ever again" I glared.  He instantly started crying and hugging Lenalee.
"Skylar is so mean" Komui cried.
"So...Do you have any innocence?" Lavi asked.
"Of course I do. I'm not an adult, I haven't seen anyone's genitals and I am a virgin!" I yelled.
"Not that kind of innocence..," Allen said.
"I know, now I am going to my room!" I said before walking up the stairs. Kanda grabbed my foot and I hit my face into a step.
"Bitch!  I don't care if you have regenerative powers or a sword!  Do that again and you will wish you never bloomed a second time!" I yelled at him.
"Bloomed a second time?" Allen asked.
"He is a fucking flower I tell you!  Which one was it again?....Lotus!" I said.  Next thing I know, I am running away from a pissed off Kanda and swinging on a chandelier.
"...." Everyone just looked confused because Kanda was unable to reach me.  Good thing I have amazing jumping power.  I feel like Hinata from Haikyuu!!
"Let me kill you!" Kanda hissed.
"Bitch, hell no!  The author finally decided to actually continue D Gray Man and I wanna finish reading it!!" I hissed back.  Ah, that was the day I decided to clean and socialize.  Never socialize with an anime character.  They will find a way to break into your house and bring someone that will try to kill you.