Its Always Been You *A Carlos Pena Story*

Chapter 3

I woke up the next morning to the sound of rain. 'It hasn't rained in LA for months' I thought to myself. After laying in bed for hours staring at the ceiling I knew I had to get out of bed. I looked at the clock to see it read 10:30 am. 'Who cares', I thought, 'its not like I'm going anywhere today.' Walking over to the mirror I glance and myself and I looked horrible. My hair was a mess and strands were sticking all over my head and my makeup that had run down my face was now dried and caked on. Seeing that my phone was blinking I walk over to my dresser and pick it up. All the text I had were from Carlos.

Why did you leave like that last night? xoxo Los

Was it something I did? xoxo Los

Please talk to me. xoxo Los

Tell me what's wrong. xoxo Los

Char. Please. Just talk to me. xoxo Los

Atleast send a text to let me know you made it home safe. xoxo Los.

There were more texts that went on like that but I decided to delete them. I knew if I kept reading them I would call him and spill my guts out to him. I couldn't do that to Carlos, not when he seemed so happy with Alexa-with someone who isn't me. Knowing that Carlos was probably panicking over the fact that  I hadn't text him back I send something quick.

I made it home. Don't want to talk.  Please leave me alone for the moment.

And I sent the text. Carlos knew I was serious because I didn't put 'xoxo Char' at the end. We had been putting either 'xoxo Char' or 'xoxo Los' ever since we've been able to text each other. Not wanting to feel grimmy anymore I go take a shower. The floor was cold as I walked on it with my bear feet. Stripping off my bikini from yesterday I step under the shower head and let the warm water wash away all of my problems. I finally got of the shower when I felt the water start to get cold. Grabbing my towel off the toilet I wrap it around myself and  slowly make my way back to my room. As I walk into my room I let the towel fall and shiver as the cold air invades my pores.

Looking through my dresser I grab my favorite Batman sweatshirt and a pair of old sweatpants. Running my fingers  through my hair I throw it up into a messy bun. I look at myself in the mirror. Even though I had mocha colored skin I felt as if I looked pale. My feet still felt cold so I looked through my sock drawer. I pulled out my fuzzy socks and slowly left my room. As I walked down the stairs I felt my stomach growl. Making my way into the kitchen I debated on whether or not I wanted to cook anything. "I don't feel like cooking anything", I said out loud to no one.

Opening the fridge I saw I had leftover Chinese food from Friday. Putting it in the microwave I sat on the counter going through my timeline. I saw there was a tweet from Carlos.

I wish I knew what I did to make her upset. I wish i knew.  I wish she would talk to me.

I knew the tweet was about me but looking at what his followers were saying they though it was about Alexa. Before I could even let my mind wonder to any thought of Alexa the microwaves beeps and I jump of the counter, grab my food and my phone and make my into the lving room. I sat on the couch criss cross apple sauce channel surfing as I ate my Chinese food. Stopping on BET I watch reruns of In Living Color. The shows comedy takes my mind off of the pain I am experiencing, but not for long. Hating to watch commericals I flip back to the channel the TV was on before. It was Nickelodeon and they were showing a preview for Big Time Rush season 4 and then the promo for The Summer Break Tour. Immediately my thoughts went to Carlos.

The barrier I had put up to keep those thoughts away broke and the only thing I could think about was Carlos. "WHY?", I ask. "Why is he in love with her? Why doesn't he see that I am love with him? Why?". Tears were now pouring out of my eyes and I couldn't even stop them. I wished I told Carlos I loved him long ago and then I wouldn't even be in this situation right now. Trying but failing to pull myself together I heard my doorbell ring. Looking at the door I wondered who was here. Praying it wasn't Carlos because I knew I wasn't mentally or emotionally ready to see him right now.

The doorbell rings again, "I'm coming", I called out. Walking through the hallway to the door I open it. James, Kendall, and Logan were standing there. "Not to be rude but why are you here?", I asked sniffing. "Carlos sent us", Kendall said with a small smile. I rolled my eyes I said, "Come in then",  moving out the way and watching as the three men walk into my house.

We all walked into the living room and sat on the couch. I was sitting on the couch facing the TV while James, Kendall and Logan were sitting on the loveseats facing each other. The room was quiet and no one wanted to break the ice. Finally I got sick of sitting in this silence and asked,

"Why are you guys here?'

They all just looked at each other, having a conversation with their eyes trying to figure out the best way to answer my question. I was starting to get irritated. So I asked my question again. This time Kendall spoke up and answered.

"Carlos sent us over here", he started, "he saw how much pain was in your eyes when you left like that. He knew that you didn't want to talk to him so he sent us over." I started at my feet the whole time Kendall spoke.

"Well I'm fine", I said. Not wanting to talk about Carlos, or anything.

"No your not", James said.

"Yes I am", I said irritated.

"Charlette", Logan said, "We may not know you as well as Carlos does but we know you well enough to know that you are not okay."

Enough of them telling me I was feeling I exploded. "I SAID I'M FINE. DAMN. HOW MANY TIMES AM I GOING TO TELL YOU. I said I was okay so I'm okay. I don't care that Carlos thinks I'm not okay. I don't care what Carlos thinks. I don't care about Carlos or Alexa, or about his stupid love for her or about how he doesn't love me even though I am completely in love with him". By the time I was done ranting I was standing on my feet, breathing hard, sobbing.I fall back onto my couch and the room was quiet except for my sobs. I looked up to see that all of them were there just in shock.

"You're in love with Carlos?", Logan asked me. All I could do is nod my head. I felt the couch sink next to me. I look up to see that the boys are sitting next to me. Then I felt warm arms warp around me. Logan was hugging me.

"Sweetie I'm sorry.", Kendall said softly.

"I just don't understand", I said through sobbing, "Why doesn't he love me?" I buried my head into Logan's chest as my sobs came out harder.

"You know Carlos", James said, "He probably does love you but doesn't want to admit it."

"Yeah", Logan affirmed. He probably is in love with you but doesn't want to admit it.

I only nod my head. My sobs are slowly coming to a stop but its still hard to talk.

"Woah," Kendall said, "It's later than I though." We all look over the clock to see its 7pm.

"If you guys need to go I understand."

We all got up and walked and I walked them to the door. They told me to keep trying and not to give up. I said 'thanks for everything guys' and smiled at them. I made sure I gave all of them hugs before they left. Feeling my stomach growl, yet again I was back in the kitchen, heating up more Chinese food on my phone. When my food was done I walked back into the living room eating my food as I watched TV.