Seasons of Love by Jaismita Alexander

Seasons of Love Part 24

Part twenty four:

It was the first time I was going to VK's house for tuition after Rudra and I fell in love. I knew it would be awkward to face him suddenly and yet behave normal in the presence of others. VK could read facial expressions. I was particularly scared of him. I knew one expression of mine could make him aware of the things going between Rudra and myself.
I was scared because our relationship was not ordinary. Rudra was someones would be life partner and already an acting father to a lovely kid. I knew, what I think to be right and extremely emotional is wrong in the eye of others. But love isn't wrong. It was never, rather situations were. Battling with my thoughts I managed to enter VK's home that day. It was not VK alone, Tania was also someone who knew nothing about it. I was scared to be judged so I decided to keep quiet and so did Rudra promise. 

VK and Tania were waiting at the study room. I came in quietly and sat on the empty chair beside Tania. I was determined not to make any eye contact with both of them. My eyes were impatient to see Rudra. He wasn't around. I couldn't see Arjun either. After VK finished teaching a chapter, he allowed us some free time. I pretended to look around and asked, "VK, where's Arjun?"

"He is upstairs with Rudra. Go meet him", said VK.

He said exactly what I wanted to hear. I immediately got up and went to meet him.
I came near the shut door and stopped instead of knocking. I stood there and settled my hair and checked whether I was looking fine. Then I knocked at the door.

"Come in. You don't need too knock", Rudra said from the other side of the room. 

I was amused. He knew it was me! I pushed the door and entered the room. Rudra was working on his laptop. Arjun was sleeping.

"Arjun is sleeping now? Its 12:30. Is he okay?", I enquired.
"Yeah. He is absolutely fine. He had cold and cough so I gave him cough syrup. Don't worry", said Rudra without turning back to look at me.
"Oh. And you?", I asked.
He turned around and said, "I? I was missing you."

He got up from the chair and came near me. He stood in front of me for a few seconds and then walked to the door. He shut the door and came back. I sat on the bed beside Arjun and touched his forehead. He didn't have fever. The cough syrup made him sleep well and sound. Rudra kept his hand on my shoulder. I looked up to him. 

"He's fine. I told you", he said.
"I know. Just wanted to be sure." I said keeping my hand on his. Rudra smiled. His smile was so real and innocent. I admired him for the little things in him. Ananya could have been the most stupid girl if she let him go. Rudra wasn't ordinary...he was unique. 

I asked Rudra, "How couldn't Ananya see the love in your eyes in these two years? You're eyes express emotions so clear and loud!"
Rudra withdrew his hand from my shoulder and knelt down at my feet. He folded his hands and rested them on my lap. He looked into my eyes and I lowered my head to look down at him. I was waiting for his answer.
"She saw it but she was scared to accept"
I was confused.
"Scared? Of what?" I asked again.
"Of getting hurt again. She doesn't understand my grave feelings for her. Two years...two years I have done all I could but she is still the same. My love reaches her but doesn't touch her heart."

Rudra bluntly kept on saying about his relationship with Ananya. I felt devasted. I felt bad for him. Every emotion he had for her was so pure and true. The pain reflected in his eyes as he spoke about her. My heart shrunk with pain because of dual reasons. One because of his agony and the other because he was my love. I realised that I was somewhere, coming in between two people. Rudra still loved her unconditionally. But his love for me was truer than anything else that could stop me from loving him back. I kept my hand on his head and stroke my fingers through his hair.
I looked at him as he spoke but neither of his words were reaching my mind from the ears. 

I silently said in my mind, "I wish I could sooth all your pains. I can give you the love you desire and deserve. Every speck of mine can be yours. My life, my soul, my body and above all, my love...I am ready to be yours. Only if you accept me wholly without keeping any conditional barriers. I wish you were only mine."

My eyes became blur, I didn't want him to see me crying. He had enough reasons to bother him. 

"You are someone who makes me complete", Rudra said and these words drew my attention to him again. He dug his face in my palms and remained like that for sometime. I embraced his head and brought it near my belly and kept my head on his. Our fears were different, our pains were the same. He feared to lose her, I feared to lose him and we both were wounded by love.
As tears touched my cheeks, I hurriedly wiped them away. I lifted my head up and said, "You're a wonderful person. You will get every thing you deserve."
"But you won't get what I should give you. I wouldn't be able to give you what you deserve", said he piercing my heart once again with the bitter reality.
"I need your unbiased love only and I need you", I said.

Rudra held my hand and said, "But you can never have the whole of me."
Another time, yet another time my heart broke. I couldn't have him or lose him either.
"I need your love", I said.
"I can never forgive myself for this", Rudra said and stood up.
It was time for me to go down. VK was waiting to continue with his lessons. I got up and left the room. I wanted to leave Rudra alone for sometime. He was battling with himself. After all, matters of heart have never been easy. His situation was worse than mine. He had no options to choose and neither could he sail on two boats.
I knew of Ananya, but could he be able to tell Ananya about me? If he did, he would have to lose Arjun. But if he didn't, how would I be with him for a life time. Love, emotions, us, our truth and feelings were too mighty to be hidden for a lifetime.

To be continued...

Jaismita Alexander.

Note: Tell me what you feel about this love story so far.