The Chapters

Chapter Twenty

The gate is closed. I'm locked inside Last Orders. I haven't bothered to ask where we're going. Everyone is somewhere else. I'm the only one left here, staring at the outer gate.

Slowly, I see the tip of your pencil dip down to scratch a word on the invisible page of my world. Mica?

You're back.

Yeah. Are you... okay?

I don't know. I can't really move or think.

Well, you are thinking a little bit.

I don't think this counts as thinking. More like forcing myself to be aware of my surroundings.

You haven't retreated into a little space in your head.

That's what I'm doing right now, isn't it?

If it was, you wouldn't be talking to me, either.

Oh. You think so?

Probably. If it makes you feel better, you aren't broken.

I'm not sure how I feel about that.

You don't say anything for a while, so I keep staring at the gate. It almost seems to take a reddish tint, still taunting me from the events of earlier this night.

Shouldn't you go get some rest? I know you were planning on taking watch, but after everything...

After everything that happened, I don't think I'll be able to sleep. I don't want to, anyway. I don't think anyone's going to sleep tonight.

I guess that's true.

Another prolonged silence.

Fangirl?

Yes?

What am I supposed to do now?

Why are you asking me?

Who else am I supposed to ask? Everyone else is going through the same thing.

Well, you scratch into the floor. I don't know how good my advice is going to be, but... Try and focus on what to do?

What to do? I snicker humourlessly despite myself. That's what I asked you. That's terrible advice.

I'm sorry I'm not any help.

I sigh and wrap my arms around my knees. I hate this.

The questions hangs in the air, though. What to do, what to do, what to do. We're moving, Amias is probably driving. I wonder if he has a destination in mind or if we're just running away. Are we going back to the Kin or away from it? If we're going away, we're just getting closer to the Death Towers. Maybe he's just as rattled as I am.

And what about the others? I don't know where the extras were when we left, other than inside Last Orders. I hope Karla's here. She's the adult - no, technically Ivo and I are adults as well. Janaki, too. But Karla's probably the oldest now, with Keon not here... If she's here.

You know what you need?

What?

Jokes.

Really. You think I need jokes at a time like this.

Yes I do. You 'snickered humourlessly', now you have to laugh humourously. To balance things out.

Just being yourself should be enough to do the trick.

Hey. Look, I know 10 things about you.