Souls Of Sorrow || 𝐸𝑟𝑒𝑛 𝐽𝑎𝑒𝑔𝑒𝑟 𝑋 𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑒𝑟

Chapter 40 - You

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Everything hurts. It's hurt so much for so long that the pain is reduced to dull ache, having long gotten used to it.

Still, every so often there will be a shooting pain that goes through every nerve in my body. As agonizing as those moments are, I suppose I'm grateful for them, they let me know I'm still alive.

I'm so tired. The people that keep me here come in every hour to give me an injection of some drug that makes me lethargic. It wears off quicker than that now, only lasting a couple minutes since my body grew a tolerance for it. They've changed it a hundred times to prevent that, but it didn't work. I don't let them know that though, it will have to help me one of these days.

They don't let me rest either, people with metal spikes come to the room in circulation, prodding at me like some sort of animal so I don't fall asleep. I guess they figure that I'll be too dangerous if I'm functioning normally.

I shift in the spiked chains that hold me, the never ending sound of blood running off them dripping to the floor.

I don't know how long I've been stuck here, bitter and angry, unable to do anything but take the torture I'm put through daily.

I'm starving. They haven't given me anything to eat since the day I got here. Something about testing whether or not I could go without eating or drinking like a titan could. Once it was figured out that I could, why would they waste food on a island devil?

They take my blood in syringes, take marrow from the holes they drill into my bones, take my tongue when I scream too loudly.

Since my blood doesn’t evaporate, they throw ice cold water on me to wash it away. It's the closest I get to a shower.

And the Doctor's camera, she records my reactions to everything she does. I assume she has a room full of shit she's collected about me, just waiting patiently to turn all Marleyans into a race of super soldiers.

I feel like I'm going crazy, this white room splattered with my own blood feels haunting. I'm so close to breaking, I can barely hold myself up for longer than ten minutes. I'm healing, but the wounds only close on the surface.

My ability that helped me my first day of capture has been out of wack, working only a couple times since then in a way that actually aided me. I've killed some of their people, slaughtered my torturers, but more just keep coming to take their place.

At least I can take some small amount of comfort in knowing that I haven't let any information slip. Not that I'm caught up enough recently to know what things are like back home.

Home...I miss it so much. The little things the most; Armin's childish rants. Training with Mikasa. Sasha's eating habits. Connie's stupid voices. Talking with Jean. Watching my dad drink his tea and judge the new cadets. Listening to Hange's crazy ideas. Eren's lips.

I miss looking at the world from the top of the wall. Back when the future felt as simple as killing all the titans.

What I wouldn't give to hear one of Eren's ridiculous rants about how he'll slay every last titan and the world will be saved.

There doesn’t seem to be any point anymore, an incredibly bleak thought considering I have until time runs out to be trapped in this hell. Nothing to do but stand in place, stare at the wall and think.