scars of love

Three

Like any other morning, I woke up with a heavy feeling weighed on top of me, and then, I remembered. I thought of him, the feeling vanished, and my heart raced, a warm sensation spreading through my body. I fell back on my pillow, smiling at the ceiling. I loved this feeling. I loved him.

I noticed how my eyes weren't aching, seeping closed.
I had slept uninterrupted for the first time in years. My body felt rested, I felt energized.

I picked up my phone on my bedside table, and saw I had two new text messages. I smiled.

Calum Hall:
Morning Ingrid :)
Hope you slept well x

I typed out a reply immediately:

Morning :). I did, thanks, for the first time in a long time.

I sent the message and got out of bed. I padded into my bathroom and I went to the sink to splash my face with water. I never looked in mirrors, but as I dried my face with a towel, my eyes fell upon my reflection. I stared at myself.

My eyes were a dark blue, my skin pale, my lips were smiling. My eyes looked bright, different.
I was smiling without even noticing.
I couldn't understand what he was doing to me. He was changing me, it's like I was in a trance. And I wouldn't have had it any other way.

I showered, I washed my long white blonde hair and washed my face.
I started singing.
Singing was actually something I loved doing, but I hadn't done it in a long time.
I sang any song I could think of, I twirled around and I almost slipped. Then, I laughed.
I felt light, bubbly.
I couldn't understand what was happening to me, but I didn't want to. It was a wonderful feeling I never wanted to let go of.

I got out the shower, I put my robe on and I hummed as I dried my hair and massaged cream onto arms and legs.

Usually, I never made an effort with my appearance. I never felt like I needed to.
I wore my tunic and blouse to school, and after school I changed into random oversized shirts and sweatpants.

But that day I wanted to make an effort.
I searched my wardrobe for something
different. I drew open my curtains which usually stayed shut and opened my balcony doors wide. I stepped onto my balcony, the sun beams warming my skin. The sun was peaking through the grey clouds and there was a slight breeze.
I closed my eyes and breathed in the fresh air. It felt exhilarating. I felt exhilarated.

I chose a paisley patterned blue dress, white converse and I wore black stockings underneath. I left my hair loose and I spritzed some perfume on my wrists.
I made my bed and I arranged the items in my room. Then I waltzed downstairs, checking my phone. I had a new message from Calum.

Calum Hall:
I'm glad :)
Meet me at the park? At the big willow tree by the pond?

I smiled down at the message, my hands holding my phone tightly.
I typed out a reply:

Definitely. I'll be there in twenty minutes.

I went into the kitchen and grabbed a peach from the fruit bowl.
Maria came out the pantry, looking surprised to see me downstairs. Every other day I stayed deserted in my room, usually only emerging in the late afternoon.

"Morning, Ingrid" she smiled, eyeing me suspiciously. "It's good to see you looking.." She struggled to finish her sentence. "Energized" she said, eventually. I managed a smile.

"Morning Maria" I said. I tried to tone down my new happy mood. I didn't want her to ask questions.
"You look lovely, your cheeks are all rosy" she said, smiling. "Would you like some coffee?" She asked.
I nodded. "Yes please. Milk and honey please" I said. She raised her eyebrows, surprised. Usually, I had black coffee in the mornings. Black coffee to match my dark mood. But that morning, I didn't feel dark. I felt.. Happy.

"Did you have a friend over yesterday?" She asked, brewing the coffee.
I nodded quickly, my palms becoming sweaty.
"Uh yeah. I did" I said, biting into my peach.
" A boy?" She asked, smirking. I rolled my eyes.
"Yes, if you must know"
"Where did you meet him? Obviously not at school..?" She poured the coffee in a purple mug.
I shook my head, "I met him walking home" I said. She nodded, pouring milk into my mug.
"You know, I could pick you up in the afternoons" she said, stirring the milk.
"No, I like walking home" I said. I finished my peach and threw it in the bin.
She added a teaspoon of honey, stirred, and handed the mug over to me.
I drained the cup quickly, burning my tongue.
"I have to run. Thank's for the coffee" I said, running into the hall. She followed.
"Where are you going? Should I prepare you some lunch for later?"
"Don't bother. I'll be back later. Bye" I gabbled, grabbing my coat and slamming the door on my way out. I dashed down the driveway, pulling on my coat.

I used to come to the park when I was younger, with the nannies. They would sit on a bench, on their phones or examining their french manicures.
I loved doing the monkey bars, and going on the roundabout. I especially used to love feeding the ducks in the pond. I would have loved a duck, I always wanted one. I would throw pieces of stale bread, watching them all closely and thinking up names and personalities for all of them.

I raced to the park, my heart beating fast. I couldn't wait to see Calum.
I ran up the gravel path on the hill. When I got to the top, I looked around for a mop of curly brown hair. I found him, sitting on the bench under the willow tree, tapping his hand on his knee. He had on a maroon beanie, with curls peaking out at the bottom, his earphones in his ears.
He spotted me too, running madly down the hill. He laughed, and I laughed too, feeling foolish.

He jogged towards me, and I tripped on a stone. I fell into his arms, laughing madly.
He helped me onto my feet, laughing.
"Nice to see you, Ingrid" he greeted. I looked up at him, my heart beating rapidly in my chest.
"Nice to see you too" I grinned, laughing. Staring up into his eyes, my heart racing, watching him laugh, my own laugh escaping my lips, I had never been happier than I was in that moment.
It was the first of many moments like that, the first of many memorable and beautiful moments spent with him.

We walked to the bench, his arm over my shoulders. I loved being close to him, I loved his company. I loved his smile and his laugh, his voice and his facial expressions. I loved everything about him. He made me happy.

We sat down, and I stared up at the blue sky through the blowing willow leaves draping over us. It was a beautiful day, the sun felt warm on my skin.
Everything inside of me felt warm, light and relaxed. I didn't feel tense, empty, lost. I didn't feel like a ghost girl.
I felt like running, dancing, rolling around on the grass, spreading my arms and twirling in circles. I felt different.

Calum was like a drug, he made me feel something I couldn't really put into words. An irreplaceable, indescribable feeling. It felt as if, when I was with him, all my open wounds and scars were slowly healing. One step at a time, every second spent with him.

I could feel his eyes on me, his gaze burning into my skin.

"It's such a beautiful day.." I breathed.
When I was with him, it's like I was woken up from a nightmare, I was conscious again. All the colours and beautiful things I never noticed around me came to life when I was with him.
The sky was bluer, the sun brighter, the grass greener, the stars illuminating.

I turned my head and my hair blew over my face in the breeze. It got stuck in my mouth, and I laughed, pulling it out. Calum laughed too, his beanie blowing askew on his curls. I reached over and fixed it, pulling a lock of curls playfully.
"I love your hair.." I said, twirling it around my index finger. He smiled, shrugging.
"I've always had long hair. My mum used to try cut it for school but I refused.. I was really stubborn. Still am, actually" he said, shaking his head.
"I'm also quite stubborn, when I feel I should be" I laughed, brushing my hair out my face.
"I love your eyes" Calum said, staring into them.
I blushed.
"Thank you. I love your eyes. They are so wise and gentle. They were the first thing I noticed when I met you"
"You know what they say, Eyes can tell a story. Its true. When I saw you, you're eyes told me exactly who you were, they were were so dark, so sad. But not today. You're eyes look bright.. Happy"

I watched him speak, a small smile spreading across my face. I leaned in and kissed him, before he could say anymore. His kiss sent shivers down my spine, my heart rate quickened and I felt on fire with passion and emotion. I felt alive.