scars of love

Seven

Calum and I spent every moment we could in each other's company. We needed each other like we needed oxygen, it was the only way for us to keep going and stay strong.

Maria was frequently worried about me, more than usual.
I guess I was going off the rails, in her eyes. I was skipping school some days, coming back late, taking drugs, hanging out with these misfit teenagers. She saw it as me letting go of my life and all my values. I saw it as me, for the first time in my short , meaningless and dull life, living a little. I was making friends, forming bonds and testing my limits, finding myself. But most of all, I was falling in love. I got to experience the feeling of real love for the first time.

There was so much darkness in my world, for so long. When Calum came into my life by chance, he turned everything upside down and brought me out the darkness. I was seeing the beauty in life. I was getting better. Slowly, day by day, I could feel myself growing, evolving.

I knocked on Calum's door one Friday evening, he hadn't come to meet me after school so I was a bit concerned. I tried telling myself he was obviously caught up in something on the tube ride to his side of town, but still my heart was thumping hard in my chest.

There was no answer and after five
minutes I turned the door nob and sure enough it creaked open.
"Calum? Ms Hall?" I called out hesitantly, my voice strained with concern.
A few seconds later Calum came out his bedroom, his eyes red. My heart dropped.
"Calum?" I immediately rushed over to him and wrapped my arms around him, kissing his tear stained cheeks.
He bit his lip, wiping his eyes determinedly.
"Hey" he sniffed. "I'm okay, really"
I shook my head.
"No you are not. I know how you feel, Calum. But I'm here now, you are not alone. You'll never be alone with me here" I whispered into his curls.

"Thank you, Ingrid. I mean it"
I gave him a tissue from my school bag and he dabbed his eyes.
"Are you going to tell me what's up?" I asked. He sighed.
"Nothing more than usual. It just built up inside of me I guess. I'm worried about my Mum" he said, looking down. I squeezed his hands.
"She's strong, Calum. It's normal to worry, but I'm sure she's fine. She takes a while to get home usually, doesn't she?"
He nodded slowly, grabbing his coat off the hook.
"I could do with a drink about now.." He said, laughing a little.
"Give me a second to change out my uniform and I'll be with you.."
I went into their bathroom and started peeling off my school uniform. A box of pills in the open cabinet above the basin caught my eye, and even though I knew it was nosy, something about it told me I had to inquire. I took hold of the box carefully, being sure not to rattle the pills inside the foil and plastic moulds.
It was a box of anti depressants. Addressed to Calum Hall. The date of the subscription was months before he even met me. I shook the box timidly, it was full. I opened it and peered inside. I sighed. They were all inside, not one pill had been opened. I sighed deeply, leaning on the counter.
He wasn't taking his pills.
I had to speak to him about it. I threw on black jeans and an oversized Aztec jumper and black vans (all cast off's from Paige who I had grown quite close to recently), fixed my hair hurriedly before rushing out, almost knocking Calum over. His eyes were less red now and he was scrolling through his phone, chewing on his lip. He looked up, laughing.
"Woah, what's the rush?" He said, wrapping an arm around my waist. I shrugged, my mind rushing. I had to find a time to bring it up.

We went to Tracks and it was quite a hectic party. The place was unusually filled up with various school friends of theirs and dodgy pierced and tattooed punks ( all 'close friends' of Sam) who made me uncomfortable. They had brought serious drugs with them, and Sam was dosing up, already high when we went downstairs. The air was thick with smoke and Nirvana was blasting on the speakers, Paige was making out with Jonah against the wall, clutching a beer bottle.

"When did that happen?" I said out loud, wondering why Paige had never mentioned it before.
"Literally ten minutes ago. They just started sucking faces after a few shots" Kezia laughed, lighting up the cigarette dangling from my lip. I hugged her.
"How are you, love?" Kezia asked, swigging from her vodka bottle.
"I'm fine. But I'm a little worried about Calum right now..."
I looked over where he was, shifting through the songs on the juke box, puffing on a joint, leaning with one arm against it.
Kezia watched too.
"He's got a hard life. We all do. But I guess that's why we all gather here.. To forget, have some fun" she said nonchalantly. I nodded, still feeling anxious.
"Who are all these scary blokes?" I asked her, nodding at the bright haired, skinny and pierced teenagers with blood shot eyes. I shuddered as Sam lap danced for one of them, his face looked like he had just won the lottery. Well I guessed, in guy world Sam was considered a 'prize'. I watched her twerk against him and sighed. She had no dignity. She caught me staring and stuck up her middle finger. I turned back to Kezia, hardly fazed. Sam and I would never see eye to eye.