scars of love

Two

Calum was on my mind every second of the day after I met him.
I woke up the next morning feeling different. I still didn't look in a mirror, and I still didn't eat anything, but as I walked to school, my mind had a distraction. I was thinking of him. His beautiful kind eyes, his laugh, his smile, his humor, his walk, his voice saying my name.

I was in a trance, I had a feeling inside me that was refreshing, different to any other I had ever felt.
I had a small spark in me that was slowly lighting up. It felt good.

He arranged to meet me after school, at the same spot we bumped into each other.

I couldn't wait for school to finish. When the bell rang, I rushed out the building, practically running to our meeting spot. This feeling inside of me was like fire, and I loved it. His face was on my mind and I was so excited to see him.
I ran, bumping into other girls on the way. They rolled their eyes irritatedly, but for once, I didn't care. I felt different, and I liked it.

And there he stood, leaning on a lamppost, scrolling through his phone. He looked up, a smile spreading across his face.
I walked towards him, smiling bashfully.
"Hey" I said.
"Afternoon, Ingrid. How are you?" He asked. I paused. Usually, when I was asked that question, I would lie and immediately say 'All good, thanks'. Because society has told us to be ashamed of sadness, to never tell people how we really feel, except, only if you are in rehab or something, you know. Because, basically admitting you have depression is shameful, you know.

But, when I looked up into Calum's eyes, I knew I didn't have to be ashamed. His eyes also looked sad, even though he was wearing a big smile. I knew I could be myself around him.
"Better, today" I breathed, smiling wanly. He stared at me, smiling, his eyes gentle.
"That's good. I'm glad" He said, grinning.
"Can you walk me home again? And then, if you like, you can come inside" I asked, blushing a little. He nodded.
"Sound's good" he said, smiling at me.

We walked together to my house, just talking, about everything and anything. I loved his company, his facial expressions, the way he seemed to understand everything I had to say.

When we got to the front of my house, he stared, squinting his eyes.
"Wow... Nice place" He said, his eyes wide. I crinkle my nose.
"I don't think it's nice. It's lonely.. So big, with only two people living in it. It's not a home. It's just a big, empty house" I said, unlocking the gate. We walked up the driveway.
"So is it just you and your mum or dad?"
I sighed, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear.
"No. It's just me and the housekeeper. My mother died when I was a baby and I actually don't know where my father is.. He's working somewhere abroad"
Calum looked sad.
"Im sorry, about your mum" he said. I shrugged.
"I never knew her. I can't say I miss her. But, thanks" I said. I unlocked the front door. We stepped inside, Calum staring wonderstruck at the tall, winding marble floored staircase and twinkling chandelier.
"Wow" he said. His voice echoed through the house. It was fancy, extravagant with plenty of paintings and furniture, most of which had never been stared at, never been sat on. Half the china in the kitchen had never been touched. My father bought the house a few months before he left, furnished it immaculately and spent so much money on it. I never saw the point.
Most afternoons I just came in, Maria always had a meal waiting for me. Then I would go upstairs to my bedroom and do my work, study. I would do all the things I had to, then I had so much time. So much time to sit and dwell on things. The house was huge, so many rooms and hallways. Maria kept everything ship shape, not that there was any point. She had a room in the attic, and never went home. I was always telling her to go, there was no point in staying with me. She refused.

Calum looked in the living room and kitchen either side of the hall.
"See? Big.." I looked in each empty room either side of me "And empty" .

He followed me up the staircase. He was gazing around.
"I don't think I've ever been in such a posh house before" he joked. I laughed a little.
"My dad spends so much money on it.. And he's never here. There are so many rooms, and so little people"
"Do you get lonely sometimes?" He asked, his eyes sympathetic. I thought for a second. I thought of myself sitting alone in my bedroom day after day, doing school work, or just sitting in silence for hours at a time, feeling empty.
"Yes" I eventually said, nodding. He looked me in the eyes.
"I get lonely too. My mum is gone most of the night, my dad is never around. He hasn't been around for at least three years. But its better this way. He used to beat my mum and me. I know how it feels, to just sit in your own company, dreading everything, every passing second you are alive. I lived in fear my whole life till three years ago, and lately I struggle to get up in the morning. My life feels pointless.. Kind of-"
"Empty?" I interrupted. We were in my bedroom now, i was sitting on my armchair and he was standing by my bedpost. I listened to his every word, my affection for him growing and growing. He understood me. He was abused by his father. I watched him as he spoke, and my heart ached for him. People like him didn't deserve any pain. Life is unfair, almost always its the good humans that face difficulty. The bad, cruel humans get away with murder. I never understood the world, I still don't.