Clandestine

Page Five

So it really is possible to meet someone today just to become a strangers again one day. A stranger who isn't a stranger at all. It doesn't make sense because when exactly was the time I stopped to know things about him? Is it when he left for three days to spent a vacation away? Or was it on that one summer season I never got to spend time with him? I don't know. Maybe when I started to get aware of my own emotions, that's it. When I put meanings  in between his words. Maybe I stopped to know more about him when I cannot look straight in his deep set of almond eyes anymore.

The young and naive me would never want to acknowledge. She just plays along just like a silly little girl; enjoying then the gentle process of life. That's all I got living a life so easy that I thought I can have everything in this world. So I thought, I could have him too.

In the old days, colors are wonderful and lively. The wind is warm and the sun is hot against my skin. That one season of summer left sunburnt on my skin and it's his name blistered on it.

Laughter of us echoes in my ears.

It felt strange.

It wasn't the same laughter I used to hear when we were nine. It's different. The way I laugh is slow and reserved like a grown woman. I wouldn't even realized that until I saw your amuse grin. I'm waiting for a howl but it didn't came. The giggles from the two young innocent soul was silence by the ranging storm.

Our voices are different now. You're different while I'm right here where you left me.

We tried to save each other then until another storm came.  I was left alone. I clearly remember how I still tried to reached for your arm when I knew I had to let you go. We tried and maybe, I'm still trying to save what's left for us or for me.

Days, months, and years had passed yet I still remember. The pain hidden in the innermost part of my heart is aching. This ache was once love. The kind of love that is pure and innocent; kind and forgiving.

But love isn't always innocent. Intentions aren't always pure and human heart isn't always kind and forgiving. The world has become cruel to us.

We gambled together. But only one of us got lost. Me.

I lost it.

I never knew that I can be lost in love. Because the moment I kissed you under the beauty of the moon and stars, I risked everything. My heart and my soul all belongs to you. The sunburnt I got that one summer season is you. You marked me and left me naked. Suddenly, my innocence is gone and I am looking for it in you.