Broken ~ A Jonnor Fanfiction

Chapter 3

Today is my first day of therapy. As I walk in the door I shake. I'm so nervous, speaking has never really been my thing, but speaking about myself, that's the worst it can get. A tall blonde women greets me and takes me to a small room with two seats, she smiles and introduces herself and then it begins.

"So I'm Alice, I don't expect you to open up to me this early on, but just know the sooner you do, the sooner you will feel better about things. So can you tell me when you started feeling depressed?"

"Two months ago," I mumble, I decide I will tell her anything she wants to know, she legally isn't allowed to tell anyone unless it is life threatening to me. So I don't have to worry, and maybe this will even help me.

"I see, did anything happen two months ago that could maybe be the cause of this?" When she asks this, I flinch. I look into her eyes, I can see wisdom and honesty. A women who knows what she is doing. What if she doesn't support homosexuality?

"Yes." That's all I can say.

"Pardon me asking, but if you are comfortable with it, could you tell me why?" Alice says so sweetly I decide to tell her.

"Well. There is this boy, we were best friends since the beginning of this school year. We hung out all the time. Then one day he was about to say I love you to me but he was interrupted and then he got a girlfriend almost instantly after that and I don't know what to do because I love him," I cry my eyes out. I look up at Alice and I can see tears in her eyes, something you rarely see in therapists.

"Jude. I'm not supposed to make this about myself but I think you should know this about me, when I was a freshman I began noticing I felt more attracted to girls, then my best friend stopped talking to me completely when I told her. Soon all my friends ignored me, except for one girl. Everyone bullied her for it and called her lesbian, but she is still straight as an arrow. Jude, I am gay. I have gotten through life, it gets better. In middle school the kids can be evil cruel people. In the real world they can be too, but at least in the real world you can choose what people to surround yourself with."

This makes me feel better. "But, I just want Connor." I whisper.

"I take it Connor is the boy? Well Jude, two outcomes of this, either he is gay and he is trying to convince himself he's not, or he isn't. If he isn't it will be hard at first, but there are plenty of guys out there. Are you already positive you are gay?"

"I think I am but I don't know, I really don't know."

She smiles and pats my shoulder. We talk for the remaining time and it's amazing. She is so helpful and funny. For once, I feel like I have a friend.

After therapy my heart feels fluttery. For once I actually feel like I matter and that I have hope. I even eat half of a sandwich for dinner. My moms just grin at each other, although half of a sandwich is nowhere near enough, it is a start.

The next day I feel a little happier, but I still miss Connor . It's a Saturday, usually me and him would hangout and do something together. It's weird after two months I still remember everything we did together. The day goes by slowly, I even find myself listening to One Direction. A bunch of their songs remind me of my life. Something Great and Half A Heart mainly.

At 10:32 PM I suddenly get a text. I figure its just AT&T telling me I almost used up my data, that's about the only text I ever get. But then my phone goes off again so I check it.

Connor: Jude please help me. Come outside.

Connor: Jude please I'm sorry for everything please please help.

Judging by the time of day it must be serious. It takes all my courage to go downstairs. I creep downstairs, everyone is already asleep. When I open the door I can hardly stay standing. Right before my eyes is Connor, scratched up, bleeding terribly, with bloodshot eyes, filled with tears.