When we got to the van, we heard voices inside. Alot of them, definitely more than four people. The door was open. John hadn't let my hand go yet. I didn't want him to either.
"Hey guys!"
Stephen, Jess, Brian and Josh were there. With a couple of other guys I didn't know yet
"Hey man" John used his free hand to wave to Stephen and the rest of the guys.
Stephen and Jess smiled at me. The guys I didn't know just stared with a quizical expression
"Guys, this is Sara."
He motioned toward the ones I didn't know. "That's Alex, Zack, Matt and James" I watched as they all studied me for a second. Their faces broke out into grins. I heaved a sigh of relief
"Hi guys" I felt myself become shy again. I wasn't so good with people.
"John where were you all day?" Matt asked "We went down to meet the rest of the bands that came in today"
"I was with Sara, did I miss anything good?"
Matt smiled "Not really, pretty much the same bands that toured with us last time"
"Hey guys we should be getting back" Alex said heading toward the door "It was nice meeting you" He smiled, "You too" I smiled back. Once they left Stephen went to the back of the bus, to make dinner I guessed.
"So what did you guys do all day?" Josh asked
I was suddenly aware that John might say something about the cemetary. I looked at him nervously but all he said was "Nothing much, walked around, yeah" I smiled. He could tell what I was thinking. I smiled even more, he was thoughtful, he cared about me. How'd I get so lucky?
Stephen was a great cook. It surprised me that a boy who spent this much time on the road was this good. I called home to see if Jason and Lisa were okay. They were used to spending time on their own so I had nothing to worry about. I was lucky that way. They never fussed because I was barely at home. I didn't have to work in the morning the next day so that meant I had more time with John. They were staying only ten days more. Time would fly by and I wouldn't get to see him for another four months or so. I wanted more time with him. More time. Was that too much to ask for? After dinner we walked around the lot. I was introduced to more people, all weary that John had his arm around my waist the whole time. None of them said anything but were all friendly either way.
"It must be great traveling around with your best friends" I said
"Its amazing, I'm honestly very lucky." His smile faded a bit "I miss a lot of things back home though"
He stopped and looked at me
"I'm going to miss you"
I didn't want to think about that so I just kept walking. After about fifteen minutes of silence I said "I'd wait for you, you know"
"What?"
"Yeah. I'd wait for you. Four months, six months, a year. I don't care." I was determined to let him know I was serious about this. We sat down on a bench. He was frowning "I can't ask you to do that"
"What?" I asked even though I knew exactly what he meant
"I can't ask for you to wait for me, who knows when I'd be able to get back. And even then I'd only be here for a couple of weeks. That isn't a relationship, I don't even know what that is"
I was angry, I bit my lip. I was angry mainly because what he was saying was true.
"Then what are we even doing right now??" I was aware of the fact that I was shouting.
I didn't care. He was surprised "What are we doing right now? If you're not even willing to try we should just end whatever the hell this is right now"
My breaths came out short and shallow. I was cold. Everything about this was unfair. I finally meet a guy who understood me. Who I was absolutely crazy about. Why does this happen to me? Why does everyone leave. I was hoping and praying I didn't start crying. It was just everything was suddenly getting to me. Why me? Can't I ever be happy? Don't I deserve to be?
"Say something!" I barked at him
He looked upset. He walked over to where I was standing and tried to put his arms around me. I pushed them away, I wanted answers
"What do you want me to say Sara?" This time, it was his turn to shout "Do you want me to say that the past couple of days have been the most amazing I've had in a long time?"
I softened
"Is that what you want?"
I said nothing
"Fine I'll say it, I can't stop thinking about you. You make me feel like superman and I know that sounds cheesy but it's true. I know we only met yesterday but I dont care, I want to be with you, I want all of you. And if I got do this, all of this differently I would. I need you, just like you need me."
He stopped to catch his breath
I was speechless
"I know I barely know you, but it seems like you know me. Its like we've known each other forever. You make me feel so much better about everything. And I want to be there for you, its what I want more than anything right now. Believe me. But lets be realistic, I would hate myself if it meant us being apart for so long, for me to be thinking about you all the time. For me, when all I want to do is hold you but I can't because you're miles away from me"
"Distance doesn't mean a thing" I mumbled staring away from him. I began to shiver.
He walked over and put his arms around me. I was cold and his arms were inviting. I didn't push him away this time I just buried my face in his chest. I was still not happy. I was willing to wait for him, why couldn't he just accept that. It was late. I wanted to go home. I had to think about all of this and figure it out.
He walked me to my car, still holding me. We barely exchanged two words to each other. He was thinking and so was I. Before I got in, he kissed me and stroked my cheek. That made it harder.
