By the time I got home it was pretty late. Good. I don't want Lisa or Jason to see me like this. I changed and went to lie down on my bed. Thinking about what had happend made me want to crawl into a hole and lay there. Thinking about it made me tear up. All my life I had only known heartache. I thought this was going to be different. John had made a mess of me, he made me believe that this time 'round it was going to be different. I wasn't ready to give up on that idea. I fell asleep thinking about how great our day was.
I laid in bed the next morning. I had till afternoon before I had to go back to work. I grunted and rolled over. I sighed. The events of last night came flooding in. I groaned and got up. I checked my phone, 3 text messages from John. Something in my chest hurt. I left the phone where it was and walked to the kitchen. The apartment was empty, the silence was haunting. I never liked quiet places, they let me think. They made me think about my life. My life wasn't very happy so I hated to wallow in it.
It was 10 a.m. I had till 2 before I had to go to work. I missed John. As much as I hated to admit it. I did. I felt a pang of guilt. But could you blame me? Why would I spend time with him when I knew it would only end in heartache. At least now I could escape scarred instead of broken.
The rest of my day passed in a blur. I barely ate, all I could think about was John and how I desperately wanted to be with him. I missed the way he looked at me, I missed his laugh, I missed how he'd make me forget about my problems. I forced everything out of my mind. I got home just before eleven. Jason had gone to sleep but Lisa was still awake.
"What are you doing up so late?"
She barely looked up
"I've got finals tomorrow"
I walked to the kitchen to grab dinner. Dinner was pretty much in the form of an energy bar and a glass of milk.
"Hows John?" she asked, whether she knew what happend I didn't know
"He's okay" I said shortly.
"You didn't meet him today?" she said, looking up
"No, I was busy" there, that wasn't a lie. I had been busy. Though it wasn't exactly truthful either.
"You should go back to studying"
"Goodnight"
"Goodnight"
The next day was pretty much the same. I buried myself in work so I wouldn't have to think about John. It wasn't working. I got home to an empty apartment. Jason and Lisa would be here any second. I showered and changed into sweat pants and tied my hair up. The best thing about being home was that I didn't have to worry about how I looked. Someone knocked on the door. Thats weird. Jason and Lisa both had keys. Maybe one of them had forgotten to take the keys when the left the house this morning. I opened the door. He was leaning on the wall, he looked gorgeous, effortlessly as usual. There was a flurry of emotions. Happiness, excitement, hurt and then anger.
"Hey" he said softly
"What are you doing here? How do you know where I live?"
"I asked Jackie at the shop. She showed me your building. Can I come in?"
No. I didn't want him to.
"Sure"
I suddenly realized how I must have looked. Great. I put my hand up to untie my hair when he said
"You look beautiful"
Oh John.
"What made you come?" He stared at me like I had said the stupidest thing ever. But he made no attempt to answer
"Did you get my messages?" he said frowning
"Yeah but uh, um I've been busy" I said trying to avoid eye contact. "Look, about what happend.."
"It's fine. You were right. This is never going to work out, we're only kidding ourselves.."
He looked upset
"Sara, I-"
He was interupted by Jason and Lisa. "Hey John! What are you doing here?" Jason said. Lisa was staring at me. I think she could tell what was going on here.
"Hey Jason, lets go get changed" she said changing the subject.
"Look I think you should leave. " I started, before he could say anything "Goodnight John" I literally pushed him out the door but I had to because any moment I would have broken down. I leaned on the door unable to breathe.
