Serenity

Sharing The Burden

''There is another choice to make. Another rollercoaster ride to take. You just have to trust it.'' Jack had whispered, leaving Rose at the servants' entrance of the mansion before disappearing into the night.

The dinner with Cal had been utterly soul-destroying. She had barely touched her lamb, pushing vegetables about her plate and struggling even to drink her champagne. It had been just the two of them, and by that, she meant tonight; Cal would have plans for her to join him upstairs. His attempts at wooing her, his mild to quite degrading flirtations, were dismissed. Try as she might, he was now facing her through the vanity of her mirror after Mrs. Bell had left them alone.

''You do not know how I feel about you,'' Cal smirked, sipping brandy still. "Open your heart to me, Rose," he continued, his hand falling upon her shoulder, stroking there. It was the same place where Jack had tenderly kissed while riding the rollercoaster; it had made her so jittery that, after they had ridden it the fourth time, she had emptied her stomach alongside Jack in the fields while standing, giggling. It was exhilarating at best.

Rose was now filled with uncertainty and fear. She looked back in the mirror, seeing herself changing. She and Jack kissed, and it felt like the promise of something. Their lips had pressed together, and their tongues had sloshed in the most un-elegant ways as they had descended, but it had not meant to be anything other than that. If another kiss transpired between them, it would be beautiful, even more attractive than the one they had shared already. It had to be.

The exhaustion of the melancholia settled over Rose, sending her into the dream-like state in which she floated through life most days. She was almost an outsider, looking in and watching herself from afar, like a moving picture. The heart that Cal was so intent on opening seemed intently closed. Was it her soul he was after exposing, or just her body? Either way, they felt at some prior engagement and had no intention of returning.

He had implored her to stay with him some nights after their engagement, but somehow, there had always been a way to decline. The doors to her room would remain locked for as long as she could, hopefully until after the wedding. One should expect a husband to visit her rooms frequently after that, and there would be no denial of stating whatever he felt, but now, she had a choice at least.

Cal, oblivious to everything but his own selfish needs, put his lips next to hers, drawing closer and closer until he hoisted her upwards. She hardly returned the kiss, for she hadn't even known how to. Did lips move at all or in a practised fashion? With Jack, they had moved naturally. She was too fearful and in too much inner turmoil to react. Cal seemed not to notice; this was the closest he had ever been to her, and he was too aroused to stop now. With hands sweeping below her posterior and her back, in one swoop, he lifted her, and he carried her over to her bed, placing her down and breaking their kiss. His eyes were full of lust.

When his hands moved across her chest, across her open neck, she anticipated feeling the same as when Jack had touched her. Those fingertips only briefly touched hers, and a shower of sparks rained down upon them. Instead, she was vacant inside. The kiss was...wet. He was panting between kisses. The noise made her feel odd. It wasn't anything. Her stomach wasn't a mass of nerves. Her breasts, pushed against his chest, were not aching for his touch, but instead, he invited himself to touch her. The way his greedy hand kneaded at the lush roundness of her caused her to almost recoil, but he pulled back, pinching at her nipples through the thin material of her nightdress.

''Cal--''

She tried to breathe between the kisses but failed to, his hands grasping, kneading and pulling to the point it brought tears to her eyes with pain.

''Cal--''

''Yes, Rose.''

''We--cannot do this.''

Cal's lips left her mouth, trailing downwards towards her neck, and his hand left her breast and was sloppily trying to reach for the hem of her skirt.