Serenity

The Precipice

There was a precipice, and she was atop it. Balancing briefly. Swaying. One way and then the other. Everything unravelled before her, slowly and yet so rapidly. The world about her was foggy. Her mind clouded. She moved as though going through a mass of heaviness. Taking a glance left, her mother moved fluidly, animatedly waving her arms about in a display of descriptions; no doubt it was about the wedding. Cal, seated to her right, was deeply engaged in a conversation with Sir Cosmo Duff Gordan. She was left to simply listen to the idle chatter, the kind she heard everyday which was nothing more than pleasantries, massaging people's ego and of course, they would dissect everyone around them as though they were masters of the universe, as though their opinion mattered the most.

“Of course Rose was beside herself with excitement,” Ruth excluded the topic of conversation with others as though she was a child. “The proposal was in Paris.” Yes, it was…

Her engagement ring was from Cartiers. The fabric for her wedding dress had been chosen and was on this very ship tucked away safely. The invites were sent on French paper, handwritten meticulously by the most beautiful calligraphist, and champagne had been imported from the finest wine cellars of France. The most input Rose had was the colour of the bridesmaids gowns. 

Lavender. The colour of spring, how she had envisioned a world with only fields of lavender within it, perhaps it was the peace and serenity that it brought to her rather mundane life.  Her mother thought the idea absurd and had immediately consulted Lucille as soon as they had boarded the ship. The Titanic. Deemed the Ship of Dreams. And she truly was, to everyone else but her. It was a slave ship and she was the slave in question. A slave to her family's wishes, awaiting her execution. 

Lethargically, she glanced at her left hand atop the table and the beautiful, but gaudy diamond shone beneath the glittering chandelier lights. That twinkle should have mesmerised her. It didn't. She just didn't feel as fascinated with jewels as her materialistic mother. Visiting the great art museums had piqued her interests more.

It was not twelve months before that Ruth had been aflutter with arranging Rose's cotillion which had taken place the summer before. Wearing a white ball gown, littered with pearls and beautiful embroidery along with white satin gloves, Rose had been presented by her mother to all members of their peers at court and high society. Two hundred people had attended. The entire Waldorf Astoria had been littered with celebrations and dancing into the night and then, at the centre of it all was a girl who had dealt with her father's death just three months ago and then the absurdity of her debutante party. The attention that her mother had paid to the finest detail had been ridiculous, curating her daughter to be the perfect well-brought up girl that any man would deem worthy to be his wife. Her practised genteel smile, giving no reason to make others think otherwise.

Rose was seventeen just a month later, and then she had met the man beside her; Caledon Hockley. A man destined to become her husband. A match made in society heaven. A match to save her family's name from slipping through mud. A match to a man who she was never going to be in love with. 

Below her, Rose had felt the rumbling of the ship's engines. The Titanic would take her onwards to New York City. The rumbling would be soothing to some, but to her it carried a weight, burdening her ever heavy shoulder even more to the point of crumble. Rose lit a cigarette, hoping it would calm her impending hysterics at this moment, it seemed to temporarily solve everything. The nicotine rushed through her veins, soothing her frayed nerves. It was like planning her own execution, but now there were hundreds involved, clapping their hands together, ready to witness the travesty. To call it off now would be too much for everyone; she could never do it, it was not just about her, but her family, too. 

''You know that I do not care for that, Rose, neither should you.'' Ruth daintily leant forward and spoke quietly, but it was enough for the table to hear. She glanced around like a scolded child as the eyes of society were thrust upon her. The room was a cloud of smoke as others indulged whilst dining, but of course, she was forbidden to.