The Darkness Engagement

Heart's On Fire Tonight..

I stared at that text. Was it really her? I sat there thinking of many angles on how to respond, but I just got nervous for every text I could have sent. I then made a move and started typing. "Hey, Des. Thanks for texting me." I thought of her for a good five minutes, trying to block out the past thoughts that I was upset to, but not even Destiny could block them out. I then started crying again thinking of Chas and how I couldn't see her anymore. I looked at my phone and saw a response. "I hope you know I like you.." I freaked out for a second and shook my head. "What am I doing? I just had sex with a guy and now I'm hitting on a new girl? Obviously I have a thing for people I barely know." I responded with a basic "Why?" It took her several minutes to respond, but she explained to me what she saw in me that caught her eye and got her to like me in one long paragraph of a text. Basically she just saw something special in me supposedly. "Something. In me?" I laughed thinking about it, but was what she way saying true?

We texted each other back and forth all night, and it shifted my thoughts away from Chas, but I still didn't feel happy. Where was I going to be happy? Lately my happiness has subsided from my body, especially after finding out that my world was crushed because my only loveable sibling was gone. All night I sat there just thinking about all the bad, seeing as how the negative outweighed the positive in my life. What made it worse was that I'm having weird body shifts and my dreams are starting to explain what I really am, or who I am becoming, but it still confused me to figure out the story in one piece. As I sat for hours in deep thought of my troubles, I still was texting Des like I was fine, when I knew I wasn't. I came to a point to where I felt that a edge of a blade made more happiness than anyone or anything ever could at this point, and it was 3 in the morning. Who could stop me?

I got up and left my phone on the charger. I informed Des that I was going to bed, but it was a complete lie. I told her something that made me want to stay far away from sleep. She blindly accepted that I was leaving for something that I wasn't actually going to do. I walked to the bathroom and swiftly opened the drawer under the sink to expose a Stingray throwing knife that looked to be sharpened down as well as possible. I looked at it in disappointment. "I remember when Dad taught me to throw knives... now I'm using it for a purpose that he never wished to see me use it for.." I removed all my clothes except for all my undergarments, and I set the blade on my thighs and hips and began slicing the thick pieces of skin that was wrapped around my femur's. I cut, over and over again, only to lose more blood each slice. For about 35 minutes, that's all I had done to my thighs. I then proceeded to get up to look in the mirror, and begin going at my wrists and lower arms. I finished those off in ten minutes. I looked back down at my thighs to see numerous amounts of blood dripping down off my legs. It looked like someone had stabbed my thighs with a kitchen blade and left it to make a scene. All my brain could process was... blood. I freaked out and got in the bathtub to clean myself off quickly, and I did so in stinging pain. I wiped myself off and put all my clothes on to go to bed. I started breaking down on the spot thinking about all the stress again, and now adding the unbreakable pain on my arms and thighs. I walked to my room just crying, not even able to stop my breakdown. I closed my door and walked to the bed, slowly crawling under the bedsheets. "M..Maybe I should check my phone before I fall asleep." I whispered. I picked up my phone, and saw that it was already almost 5:30 in the morning, but not just that. I saw that Kayla called me 12 times, and Des called me about 8 times. I called Kayla, and I got the whole worried speech from her, then she conference called Des into the phone call. They both were breaking down because they knew what I did, but how? Well, Des happened to be talking to Kayla the whole time we were texting each other, and she was telling Kayla that I was being "short and unhappy." If you say something like that to my best friend, that rolls up red flags in her mind, and she happened to indicate that to Destiny. I had to listen to them worry and rant until I needed to get up to for school. "Girls, I need to get ready for school. It's 6:30." They sighed and told me to meet them at school by the cafeteria. I agreed and said I'd be there by 7:30. I did what I needed and quickly drove to school in less than 45 minutes. I met up with Kayla and Des, and once they saw me, they hugged me, stopping me in my footsteps. I hesitantly hugged back and smiled slightly, but not fully. Kayla looked at me and asked if I was okay. I nodded in agreement and she told me we all were going into the counselor's today, whether or not I liked it. The bell ended up ringing after we finished breakfast, and Kayla grabbed me and Destiny's wrists to drag us to a counselor's office. She took us to the senior counselor, Mrs. Chanse. We walked in and Kayla begged the counselor to help me out. She agreed to help and we closed the door to allow us privacy. She asked the basic questions first, like, who are you, how are you doing, what grade are you in... you know, basic basic stuff, but the fun part was when she asked what I was brought in here for. "Well... my sister has been taken from me, my family is in complete chaos right now, I don't know who I'm in love with, and I think I'm a canine of some sort." The counselor just had a blank face for a second and then asked "What do you mean?" I smiled and sighed.

It took me a good three hours to explain every little detail and mixed story to get the full picture to Des, Kayla, and Mrs. Chanse. I don't think the counselor knew how to handle this one. I mean, you don't usually hear a 17 year old say she thinks she's a canine and then explain a huge story over it every day.