Invisible Affection | Taejin

36. I hate it here

"I hate you. Both of you. I hate you both."

Seokjin's voice broke in the hospital room, sounding loud and painful. Hoseok and Jimin flinched at the words, but neither of them said anything. They looked at each other for a moment, helpless, unsure of how to respond. The truth was, they didn't have the right words. Not yet. Maybe not ever. What had happened was too much, too fast, and they were still struggling to handle it.

The door opened quietly behind them, drawing their attention. His mother, Joo-young, stepped into the room with a calm, practiced grace that had always felt unshakable, but even now, her eyes held the kind of worry that no amount of composure could mask. Without acknowledging anyone else, she walked straight to Seokjin's bedside, where he lay almost motionless, his body curled slightly inward, distant.

She sat down beside him and gently took his hand into her own. "I spoke with the doctor," she began softly, "and they've decided they want to keep you a few more days for observation and to finish your evaluation. After that, they're open to transferring your care to the U.S. Your father has already been in touch with a specialist there and—"

"Mom." Seokjin pulled his hand away, not even looking at her. "When will you or anyone else get it through your head that I'm fine? I don't need—"

"Seokjin," Joo-young interrupted, her tone now firmer, "you're not fine. You hurt yourself. Someone who is truly fine wouldn't do something like that." Her voice trembled at the end, but she continued. "What if your housekeeper hadn't found you in time? What if Hoseok and Jimin hadn't been there to call for help? Do you understand what could have happened? I haven't stopped thinking about it since I received the call."

She paused, took a breath, and felt her hands trembling in her lap. "I blame myself. I should have listened to my gut when I said I didn't want you coming back to Seoul. When everything happened before, I had a feeling I should have acted on it. But I let your father persuade me into believing you would be okay, that you could handle this. I let you convince me, too. But you're not okay, and I'm so sorry."

Seokjin's eyes filled with tears again, his jaw clenched as they broke loose in silence. "I really hate you," he whispered through gritted teeth. "I hate all of you. You're making me miserable."

His words stabbed, but Joo-young didn't flinch. Instead, she leaned in and pulled her son into her arms, cradling him with the kind of strength that only a mother carries when her child is falling apart. He didn't resist, but he didn't return the embrace either. He just cried, consumed by feelings of anger, despair, and an overwhelming sense of vulnerability.

"That's okay," she whispered, pressing her cheek to the top of his head. "You can hate me. As long as I know, I'm doing what I can to help you stay alive. As long as it means you'll never do this again. I don't care if you hate me forever, Seokjin. I just want you here."

Seokjin didn't answer. He couldn't find the words. He hated how much they all saw now. He also hated that there was no way to undo it. The walls he had spent years building had been torn down in one terrible night, and now he was in the aftermath, feeling exposed, pitied, and scrutinized. It was unbearable.

*****

"I'm going to call Taehyung," Jimin said, already unlocking his phone, thumb hovering over the screen.

Before he could do anything else, Hoseok reached over and snatched the phone out of his hand.

"No, you're not."

Jimin stared at him. "What are you doing?"

"I'm stopping you," Hoseok said. "He doesn't need to know. He doesn't deserve to."