She Told Me Lies | The Joanne McKinley Diaries 1

They Told Me I Had Friends

I'm about to press the knife deeper into my heart when everyone at the doorway moves. Mai and Alisha lunge for the knife and end up getting it. I'm about to reach for the knife again when I feel two people holding me back. I look around and Abel and Alisha's dad are holding me back. I start to breathe deeper. Oh no, not another one. Then I look at Mason who is on the phone with the ambulance. I think he knew this would happen. Before I can do anything, I'm slung over Abel's shoulder and Mason and Mai follow me outside into the ambulance car. I look at Mason and then at Mai. Mai is looking at me and she looks like she's crying.

"I'm so sorry, Joanne," she says over and over again. And before I black out I look at Mai.

"I forgive you."

Then the world turns black.

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I wake up in hospital. Great, I'm here again.   I look around to see Mai and Alisha pacing up and down in opposite directions, Mason playing with his thumbs, Abel crying and I hear her saying that she's going to quit drinking and Alisha's dad praying. Once Mai sees me awake, she runs up to me and traps me in a huge bear hug.

"Hey, connected to a tube here," I chuckle, my voice croaky. Then a female doctor walks in and says what's up.

"Great, you're awake. You have a little puncture in your skin near your heart but that can be stitched together. You'll have a little session in fifteen minutes.  About your panic attacks, they have been more frequent because of your stress but, if you relax more, they will barely happen. Just make sure not to get to overwhelmed and not to be at big events for about two weeks until you settle down for a bit," she says. I nod and she turns to leave the room. Then she looks back and says, "don't kill yourself, it's not worth it." Then she leaves.

"Can I talk to you alone," Mason asks.

"I need some water and so do you," Mai says and grabs Alisha's arm to run out of the room.

"We need a coffee," Abel says and Alisha's dad and her walk out.

I start to feel a bit sweaty since, in the few hours I'd known this boy, I'd grown to like him. LIKE him. And I wasn't in the most flattering positions.

"I'm just coming straight out, I really like you. Like like you," he says.

I looked cool in the outside but I was a firework inside. "I like you too but..."

"But-"

"I'm scared of getting hurt. You don't know how many times I've gotten hurt in my short lifespan of thirteen years and it's hard to trust people."

"I understand you. And I'll prove myself to you. I'll show you that you can trust me."

The door bursts open to reveal a pile of people on the floor. Mai and Alisha smooth their skirts out.

"We were just passing," they all say in unison and we all laugh.

"Can we speak to Joanne. Mason and Alisha included?" Mai asks. The adults, for the second time today, go to get coffee.

"Why did you do it?" Alisha asks.

"I was alone. Completely alone. My mother, brother and best friend left me to fend for myself. And I'm not exactly the type of person that would go up to someone and be their new friend just like that. I had nobody and I continued to get hurt until I decided to kill myself and end it. I had no one and no friends."

"No friends?" Mason asks.

"Completely alone?" Mai repeats.

"You had no one..." Alisha says.

Mai and Alisha embrace me in a bear hug.

"We're your friends!" They shout in a 'duh!' tone. "And Mason is something more than that."

Mason turns beet red like I do.

"You have friends," they all say.