Just Have Faith

Chapter Seventeen

"What is it, Layla?" Nick asked, never breaking eye contact with me.

I took a deep breath. Looking down, I began to speak. "I- I-- uh-- I have depression," I mumbled, as quiet as a mouse.

"What?" Nick whispered, his voice full of concern.

I ran a hand through my hair and looked up at him. "I have depression, Nick."

"Layla," was all he said.

"I know, you don't want me to be your girlfriend anymore because I'm messed up in the head."

"For how long?" he asked.

"What?"

"How long have you had depression?"

"For about a year, I guess. It started to get really bad around November," I told him.

"If you don't mind me asking, what's it like?" Nick asked.

"I- It's like a feeling of drowning when everyone else around me is breathing. Depression is like a war, I either win or I die trying," I explained.

"Those were great metaphors, Layla."

"Wait, I'm not finished. There's this void that never can be filled and I just feel empty. I don't feel sad, I just feel. . . empty. I don't want to do anything; sometimes I don't even want to get out of bed. I just want to sleep all day," I finished.

"Have you ever- have you ever slept all day because of your depression?" Nick asked, never breaking eye contact. There was concern laced in every single word he said.

"Today," I whispered, holding back tears. I hate crying in front of people, it makes me feel weak. And I hate how Nick always ends up seeing me cry.

"You didn't go to school because your depression was so bad?" Nick questioned.

I nodded, not wanting to speak for fear that I would start balling my eyes out.

Nick wrapped his arms around me. "Next time you feel like that, I want you to call me, okay? Even if it's the slightest pang of depression, I want you to call or text me. I want to keep your mind off it and try to make you happy, okay?"

I nodded. Nick pulled me closer, hugging me tighter. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," I muttered.

"Why are you sorry, Lay? You have nothing to be sorry about," he whispered.

"You probably want a girl who has their life together and is happy and doesn't hate themselves half the time. But instead, you chose me. Why me?"

"Whenever you're with me, you seem happy. I don't know if that's the case, Lay, but there's something about making you smile that I like. You're quiet at school, but you're loud and outgoing when you're with me. I get to see two sides of you; the side when you're with me and the side of you I see at school. I would love for you to be as happy at school as you are with me, but if that can't happen, I'm glad you trust me enough to be yourself around me. And, I don't care if you have depression, you're still the same girl I met on the bus who was listening to music with her earbuds in," Nick said, making me smile. His bright blue eyes showed how genuine he was being and I was so glad that he was being truthful with me instead of lying which is what I thought he'd do.

"That means a lot, Nick. Thanks. I thought you'd run and hide when I told you that I have depression."

"So, are we still boyfriend and girlfriend, then?" he asked.

"Since you didn't freak out when I told you, I know that you actually want me to be your girlfriend. So, to answer your question, yes Nick, I will be your girlfriend."