Just Have Faith

Chapter Three

I began to walk down the hallway towards the doors that let me out of the church. I actually had fun tonight to tell you the truth.

When I was almost to the door, I felt a tap on my shoulder. When I turned, I came face to face with Nick. "Hey," he said with a huge smile on his face. "I was just wondering if you had fun tonight?"

"Actually, to tell you the truth, I did," I told him with a small smile. Wow, that's weird, there was no social awkwardness when I talked to him.

"Are you going to come back next week? And if you don't, it's alright. I'm not trying to pressure you into this," he reassured me.

"I'll have to think about it," I told him. Nick nodded. "Well, I need to go now, see you tomorrow."

"I have to leave too. Do you need a ride?" he asked.

"I- I'm just going to walk h- home," I stuttered. And, here I go with the social awkwardness.

"You sure? It's pretty cold outside."

"I- I'm sure. See y- you tomorrow," I said, not waiting for a reply as I walked out the doors of the church and into the cold winter air.

Fifteen minutes later, I was inside my warm house, making myself a cup of hot cocoa. After that was finished, I sat at the table and thought about what I had learned about myself tonight: that I am an outcast.

I'm hiding from myself and I don't know how or why. Maybe it's just because I don't want to think about how I turned out like this. How I started to come home crying everyday. How I started taking it out on myself. I can't bear to think about it. I don't want to think about it. But, the worst thing about it, is that I see the person who put me through this every single day.

I pushed the thought from my mind and finished up my hot cocoa. After taking a shower, I said hi to my parents, talked to them when they finally got home from work, and then, I finally went to sleep. A deep peaceful sleep.

***

"Hey, can I sit here?" I turned my head, earbuds still in my ears and nodded. It was only after the person sat down in the green bus seat did I actually recognize who it was. Nick.

I smiled at him, which is something I rarely do in the morning. When you wake up at quarter to six in the morning, you don't even have the energy to smile.

He tapped me on the shoulder. I sighed and took one earbud out of my ear. "How are you?" he asked.

"I'm good," I told him. This was actually the truth. I hadn't had thoughts of harming myself since before I went to that youth group last night.

"Good. So, what are you listening to today?"

I showed him the screen. I'm listening to Happy by Pharrel Williams.

"Can I play you a song?" Nick asked.

"Uh, sure," I answered, finding my voice for the first time this morning.

He pulled out his phone and a pair of earbuds. After handing an earbud to me, he got on his YouTube app and searched for a song. It was called When She Cries by Britt Nicole.

I was getting choked up at the first chorus and when it got to the words Pulling down her long sleeves
To cover all the memories the scars leave. She says, "Maybe making me bleed will be the answer that could wash the slate clean." I quickly ripped the earbud out of my ear.

"Layla, you okay?" Nick asked, turning his attention from the song to me. And when he asked this, he did so loudly.

Every single person on that bus had their eyes trained on me.